“Don"t think, Gideon. Just exist. Listen to the music, and the wind moving in the trees, and feel the connection between the three of us.”
Daegan moved into the chair Anwyn had vacated, stretching an arm behind Gideon"s chair.
With shock, he realized they"d closed ranks to shelter him. To care for him. He wanted to be ashamed of his weakness, of this throbbing pain inside of him, but he couldn"t breathe.
Laura was gone, and the blood debt was paid. Where did that leave him? Who and what was he now, if he wasn"t sure he could be a vampire hunter?
“Shhh . . .” she murmured, and her lips were on his, coaxing them open, gently tangling with his tongue, catching an unexpected harsh sob. “Hold on to me, love. I"m yours. We"re yours.
We want you. You belong to us.”
He knew it wasn"t true, and even if it was, he couldn"t be that forever. But for right now he was too overwhelmed to question or fight it. He needed the pressure of Daegan"s hand on his back, his arm against his shoulders, the sheltering cant of his body. The curl of Anwyn"s, like a beautiful pale seashell curved over his exposed wounds, keeping them safe from swooping predators.
In time, he got his thundering heart, the terrifying desire to break down, under control, and he just sat quietly under their touch. He could hate Daegan for telling him, but he saw the vampire hadn"t realized the effect it would have on him, how it would taint their evening.
There was some small satisfaction in seeing Daegan screw up for once.
But he wished it could have lasted forever, that brief, magical connection right before, undisturbed by any trauma or terror that might lie ahead, or truths too difficult to face. As he let the world spin around him, Gideon wondered what would happen when it righted itself.
Would he walk away from the grave he"d haunted in his mind for more than a decade? Finally say good-bye?
But to who or what?
8
“WHY are you sent after vampires? What crimes can vampires commit, if they"re allowed to kill up to twelve humans a year, including their annual kill?” Over the next several nights, Anwyn continued to receive lessons from Daegan, as well as grill the vampire herself, on Council and vampire society. When she"d opened Atlantis, she"d learned the key to doing it successfully was to immerse herself in as much knowledge about how a club worked as possible, and then tailor it to her own personality. It was like making a dress. The fabric had to be there before the design could be cut. Understanding her need, and approving of it, Daegan patiently answered every question, as well as detailed the Council and the rules that governed the vampire world, a whole shadow society living beneath the radar of most humans.
Gideon remained quiet for much of it, and absented himself from their rooms for this or that reason on more than one occasion. Anwyn would have cornered him to draw him out, but she sensed he needed a few days" space. She even helped him, sending him on errands to the club levels or in town, and didn"t remark on it when he stayed away far longer than needed to complete her lists. A couple of times, she touched his mind and found him sitting in a park, or a coffee shop, his thoughts whirling in a slow, confused spin, processing the things he knew, that he was becoming.
When in the apartment, he spent a lot of time in Daegan"s weapons and workout room, testing his strength and endurance incessantly. She bit back any smartass observations about a vampire hunter honing his skills to kill vampires while caring for one, because Gideon"s sense of humor was out of order for the moment.
When they"d returned from the wine and cheese event, Gideon"s emotions had been in such a turmoil that, by unspoken accord, she"d brought him to her bed, taken him into her body in simple, sweet lovemaking, let him fall asleep that way. Daegan had come to her later, slid in behind her, and their hands had rested on him together, stroking his hair. When she woke at dusk, Gideon was gone and she and Daegan had been twined together alone.
She tried to not intrude into the deeper layers of Gideon"s mind, simply reaching out on occasion, a subtle caress to let him know she was there. Tonight he"d come back from his errands with groceries for himself, some new clips for his guns. Now he was listening to their conversation about Daegan"s assassinations as he cleaned and sharpened his knives.
He was sitting on the floor, his back against his sofa. He did his guns on one night of the week, knives on another. The crossbows and wooden weapons were checked and oiled on yet another. Usually the cleaning was a calming exercise for him, but tonight he appeared to be getting more agitated. Confirming it, he rose abruptly. “I"m going to go practice.” Daegan didn"t comment on it, she was sure because he assumed Gideon was just impatient, listening to what he called the “farce” of vampire civility. She understood that she had to learn as much as she could about that world, but as Daegan shared his insights, there was an unfortunate side effect. Gideon, having to attend the same lessons, learned about a world he"d spent much of his life trying to destroy, a world into which he was now integrating himself solely for her benefit and protection. It meant that each day, he faced that fork in his soul that had been ripped there by circumstances.
Despite the power of that struggle, it was the fuse winding amid it, the one most likely to set off the full powder keg, that worried her the most. His fiercely deliberate, unacknowledged desire for Daegan kept growing, almost faster than his deep concerns about her attending the Council, and the temporal nature of their relationship when she embraced a vampire"s life fully.While cleaning the blade, Gideon had been drifting into some rather graphic images of her body twined with his. At first it had been memory only, remembering the night after their dinner. The sweet lovemaking, his mouth on her breast, her hand passing over his hair, the slick, easy penetration and tight clasp of her cunt around him, welcoming and holding him.
But as the memory spun into new imaginings, his hands performing the cleaning and sharpening by rote, he devised rougher, more demanding scenarios, things such as what they shared in the Queen"s Chamber. It had distracted her enough to miss a couple points of Daegan"s lecture. She"d wondered if Gideon was doing it on purpose, since she knew he could sense when she was in his mind, but he seemed trapped in his own head tonight, almost oblivious to her presence.
Her being in his mind wasn"t a deep or intentional probe. It took so much effort to stay out of his head at this point, that he"d made it clear he was fine with her drifting in the upper layers if it was easier for her to focus on more important things, like controlling her bloodlust and the shadow voices in her head. They"d also found that her drifting in his head helped keep those voices quiet.
That was how she knew what had disturbed Gideon enough to send him to the weapons room. It wasn"t what Daegan was saying, but how he was saying it. The sensual lift and drop of the syllables was what bothered Gideon. As he"d listened, the vampire had become a third member of the carnal triangle in her vampire hunter"s mind. Touching them both, gripping, demanding . . . taking control of Gideon"s responses as the three of them gave and received pleasure.
When Gideon recognized the turn of his personal fantasy, he"d snapped to his feet as if he"d been bitten, retreating to the weapons room to exorcise the unwanted but undeniable desire.
Though he was never easy in it, Gideon was far less resistant to her dominance when Daegan was absent. In his soul, Gideon was a strangely conservative creature. But below that, where his sexual self was laid bare, she knew he couldn"t deny his fascination with the other male. How he couldn"t quite keep himself from looking at the vampire. It amused her, because nothing with a pulse could help appreciating Daegan"s sexuality. She understood the vampire allure better now, because of how her staff had reacted to her before her bloodlust attack. But vampire allure or no, Daegan had something extra.
The mystery, the aura of unquestionable command, the hard body, beautiful cock and intriguing face, all sensual planes and shadows, dominated by the dark eyes and sinful mouth.
She"d often wondered what he would look like with his hair long and silky, rather than cropped short the way he kept it for the work he did.
“At some point, the three of us need to cover servant etiquette. He"ll need to observe it to avoid drawing more attention to him.”
She tuned back in to Daegan. “But we won"t be bringing him to the Council audience. He"ll stay on the plane or somewhere farther away, where he can monitor my mind and give me the cues I need.”
At Daegan"s expression, she rose slowly. “He intends to go in there with us?”
“He does. I have not been able to dissuade him.”
“It"s not a matter of dissuading. He"s not going.”
“It will be dangerous for him, but he"s resourceful—”
“Oh my God.” She stared at him. “You"ve already agreed to this. Discussed it with him. I thought we"d agreed—”
“I did not break my promise to you, cher. It was his decision to share with you, not mine. He has waited too long, however, and I feel you need to know. To be prepared.” Letting Daegan get closer to her soul was another way to help her balance, like having Gideon in her mind or her in his, but at times like this it was a bittersweet pleasure. She"d wanted that closeness, and now doubted his heart far less, but residual anger could still flare when he made executive decisions like this one. “I may not know much about your world, but taking one of the most successful vampire hunters into Council headquarters seems like signing his death warrant.”
“He"d be coming as your servant.”
“And that will make it all okay? Can you guarantee he"ll be safe the same way you"ve promised me that I will?”
“No, cher. But it"s not my choice to make.”
“Damn right it"s not.” She ignored the narrow warning glance he shot her way. “We"ll call his brother and Lady Lyssa. Tell them what may happen. Surely the two of them will sit on him until we get back.”
Daegan rose from the couch, his face getting that implacable set that made her want to simultaneously rage and despair. “They have a child, Anwyn. Vampire infants are rare and highly valued in our world. If the child has two parents, neither will leave him, nor bring him into a dangerous situation, until he is past the age where he could be taken and passed off as another vampire"s child.”