“Unless they have crazy, uncontrollable fits.”
“Hey.” Gideon drew her gaze to him. “We"re out tonight, and you haven"t foamed at the mouth once.”
“Don"t go weepy on me now, Mistress Anwyn.” Daegan stroked a lock of her hair from her cheek. “I rely on your unflinching courage.”
“You both suck,” she said, giving a halfhearted chuckle. “A woman deserves a weak Victorian swooning moment now and then.”
“We get past this Council meeting, and I promise you may whine when you need a new pair of shoes, or cry if your hair doesn"t curl correctly. You can even ask Gideon to remove any spiders you find in the apartment.”
“I think I"ll just ask him to stake you in your sleep,” she responded, teeth bared.
Gideon approved of Daegan"s approach to lighten her load of worries. He only hoped he could bury his own trepidation below where Anwyn might stumble over it. He wasn"t the world"s most positive thinker, and yet, with her in his mind, he was going to have to become Mr. Freaking Rogers.
Anwyn snorted out a surprised laugh, and turned an amused eye to him. “I"m not really seeing you in pastel sweaters.”
“You"d be surprised, cher. Every man can change. He can choose to lay down the sword and become something else.”
As Anwyn turned her attention back to Daegan, Gideon furrowed his brow. “We"re not talking about me anymore, are we?”
“Not everything is about you, vampire hunter.” Daegan sent an arch look at Gideon"s sneer, but then sobered again, put down his glass. “I"ve been giving it a bit of thought. This betrayal by the Council tells me it"s possibly time for my role to end. Region Masters and territory lords can handle violations locally, no matter the politics. They can make application to the Council for the termination and handle it themselves. I will make sure you are acknowledged, that Gideon is accepted as your servant, and then I can tell them I am done. I have served them long enough.”
Gideon stared at him. “You"re just going to walk away?”
Daegan kept his gaze on Anwyn"s face. “The cost of my job has become far too dear. I nearly lost what mattered most to me. I do not work at their behest, but at my own.” Anwyn pressed her lips together, her eyes suddenly bright with emotion. “You said that just to play on my female side.”
“Cher, you are all female. And I thank God for it.” Daegan lifted a shoulder. “My mother is gone, an accident caused by the onset of Ennui. One of the few mind-diseases that can affect our kind,” he added when Anwyn looked puzzled. “When a vampire has lived a certain amount of years, some are afflicted with a malaise, a severe apathy of sorts. She wandered outdoors too close to sunrise and wandered too far. Her mind was altered, thinking she was in her gardens, in darkness. Her servant tried to bring her back, and she wouldn"t permit it. She kept telling him to let her smell the flowers. She became ash in a botanical park, which I think gave her some small measure of happiness. I was unfortunately on an assignment at the time.
“I will not be absent again when someone else I love needs me.” He closed his hand over Anwyn"s. “You deserve a life. Whether it"s running your club or whatever you decide you wish to do, I am going to make certain you have it, sooner rather than later.”
“Daegan,” she murmured, obviously moved. Even Gideon couldn"t doubt the sincerity and determination he saw in the male"s expression. But Anwyn shook her head. “You can"t. Think of all the vampires like Barnabus you"ve stopped. It"s important.”
“Yes, it is. But there will always be battles to be fought. If time is not taken to love and live, then it"s easy to forget that there is more than blood and death in life.” He flicked a quick glance at Gideon, making it clear the conversation might apply to more than one of them at the table, after all. “A vampire"s life is long, Anwyn. I can take some time for this. Though I admit I do not intend to go quietly into the night until I determine who it is who betrayed me, and confront that loose end.”
“Thank God. I was going to say you were a real pussy if you let that one slide.” Gideon took another liberal swallow of the beer, appreciated the cold, bracing taste. It helped steady him.
Being a witness to this significant turning point in Daegan and Anwyn"s relationship gave him that out-in-the-cold feeling once more. But was it because he didn"t belong, or because he was the one incapable of stepping back over the threshold?
Daegan gave him a narrow glance. “Of course, if I have to put up with your servant, I may already have lived too long.”
“I"d be happy to help you with that.”
“I"m sure.” Daegan cocked his head. “How about you, vampire hunter? What do you need in order to stop? What will finally answer the bloodlust you carry?” Gideon"s brow creased anew. Jesus, how did he do that? “Psychoanalyzing me now?”
“No. But I am wondering if I might hold the key to the answer you won"t give yourself.”With a jolt, Gideon realized Anwyn wasn"t the only one on whom Daegan had planned to drop a bomb this evening. Only he felt an inexplicable urge to bolt, as if Daegan was about to throw that door wide-open, making it clear that only Gideon"s will was keeping him out in the yard, off that threshold.
“The vampire who killed your Laura was one of my assignments, Gideon,” Daegan said softly. “I executed him six months after he took her life.”
Everything stilled. He heard Anwyn"s indrawn breath, but after that, nothing but a hushed silence. It was as if the musicians had stopped midchord and the breeze silenced its whisper.
Even the lights dimmed. Everything in Gideon zeroed in on Daegan"s face, the knowledge in his dark eyes.
“For her sake, and for yours, I wish I"d received those orders sooner.” When Gideon had faced the terrible truth that vampires existed, he"d had to swallow the bitter pill that he"d never know which one had taken Laura. So he"d resolved to kill them all.
Somewhere, at some point, her murderer would fall. Yet her murderer had fallen a long time ago, at the hands of the male before him.
“Did he suffer?”
“Eli Wallace had impulse problems and an insatiable bloodlust. He was a slight male, almost effeminate-looking, and so he"d found it was easier to lure females to follow him. My job is about justice, not vengeance, so I can"t give you the gift of his pain. But he is gone. I put him down like a rabid animal, quick and clean.”
Gideon swallowed. Swallowed again. Daegan"s gaze remained on his face, the male"s eyes as always seeing too much. “So you see,” he continued in that gentle tone, “the blood vengeance is paid.”
Gideon barely registered the words. He couldn"t put his mind around it, hadn"t realized how much of Laura"s unavenged death lay at the heart of what he considered himself to be. It was ludicrous. He knew he couldn"t kill them all, and yet . . . He wanted to get up, walk away into the night, get a deep, deep breath of air, maybe suffocate himself with oxygen. Pointless.
“I didn"t expect to have another purpose. I didn"t . . . I couldn"t even kill the person who killed her. She died, and I couldn"t help her. You killed her murderer. You . . .” Gideon shook his head. “Jesus, I was right. You really don"t need me. I"m a liability to you both, if anything.”
When he started to get up, Daegan caught his lapel with an oath. As he dragged him back down, the vampire met him eye to eye, warrior to warrior. “Why are you determined to be fucking inconsequential?” he asked quietly.
“Daegan.” Anwyn"s soft voice made him ease off, though he uttered a second quiet curse.
His fingers squeezed Gideon"s neck, a rough caress, before he sat back.
Anwyn"s hand found Gideon"s, forming a knot of fingers locked beneath his aching breastbone. She cradled Gideon"s face with her other hand, forcing him to look at her when he just wanted to go, bolt, run back to the shadows. Daegan"s keen gaze told him that wasn"t going to happen, but it was moot. He couldn"t move when Anwyn was touching him like this.
“You keep trying to quantify your worth based on some physical measurement,” she murmured. “What you can give me; how well you can protect me. How many vampires you"ve killed. You won"t accept that letting yourself be loved is a gift as well, one of the most valuable. It"s one I want you to give me above all others. It will be harder than all the rest, because you don"t think you"re worth loving.”
He shook his head, tried to pull back, but she held on, stubborn. “Gideon, no. You won"t withdraw from me. You think the world wasn"t pulled out from under my feet a month ago?
You and Daegan, you told me I have to deal with it. I"m not going to let you do anything less.
Yes, everything about your life is changing. Join the club. Don"t leave it. Don"t leave me.” Her gaze became flint then, and those fingers dug in. “I"m going to give you a command.
You will allow me to love you, in whatever manner, however deeply, I wish to do so. You will learn to surrender your heart to me, Gideon Green, and when you finally do that, you will understand your own worth.”
“But I won"t be here . . .”
“Time doesn"t matter. That"s another thing you need to learn. Whatever plans you have for the future, until then you"ll put your trust in me, in a way you"ve never trusted anyone. Can you do that?”
She"d asked the question before, in a variety of ways, but not like this. There was broken glass in his chest. “I don"t know.” He closed his hands on her wrists. “Anwyn, I don"t think I can give myself that. I don"t think I can give myself anything.”
“You"re not giving it. I"m taking it.” She stared at him, hard. “All right? Sit down now.” She eased him back into the chair with a firm hand, and then surprised him by sliding into his lap, bringing his arms around her so he cradled her there, feeling her soft body press against him, her arms wind around his neck as she laid her cheek on his shoulder.