I chose a lead guitar so the rhythm would shine through. And unlike that dreaded time when I’d fucked up a perfectly good D-Bags song during rehearsal for my parents, I was going to nail it. I silently counted out the rhythm, then started in. The intro was quieter than the chorus, and I kept my head down while I played, stretching out my anonymity for as long as I could. Once I got to the chorus though, I let it rip.
Dropping all of my doubts and fears, I imagined that I was back at a D-Bags concert, rocking out with fifty thousand of my closest friends. The music electrified me as I made eye contact with the crowd. I started singing along to the song I was playing, and making playful faces at the crowd. They were clapping along, dancing in the seats, and cheering my name. Well, my nickname, at any rate. For a few glorious minutes, I completely forgot that I was fighting for my life; I just had fun. Man…I’d missed this. But then I noticed the judges, and I was suddenly yanked back to reality so quickly, I swore I had whiplash.
I knew in five seconds flat that the guys had recognized me. Matt was scowling. Evan looked shocked, and Kellan…he was finally smiling. Matt raised his hand to stop me. I played four more bars before I consented and stopped my fingers; they vibrated along with the last chord, and the listening crowd cheered and clapped. I’d rocked the shit out of my audition.
By the look on Matt’s face though, you wouldn’t think that was true. “What the hell are you doing here, Griffin?”
I heard murmuring in the crowd as people tried to figure out what was going on. Knowing the jig was up, I removed my hat, my wig, and the expertly glued-in-place goatee; that one stung like a mofo to remove. Without my getup, people started recognizing me, and I heard gasps, then screaming. But mixed in with the screaming, there was an awful lot of booing. I was not universally loved.
Matt turned around in his seat to silence the crowd. When he got them under control, he swiveled back to me. His face was firm; he wanted an explanation for this. For a lot of things, probably. “I’m auditioning,” I told him. “Just like everybody else.”
His eyebrows scrunched together and he shared a look with Evan and Kellan. “You’re auditioning…for your old spot?”
Why did everyone keep asking me to reaffirm that? I was well aware that it was kind of ironic, but it was the only way I could get back in. “Yes,” I said, as seamlessly as possible.
Evan leaned forward then. “You know that the winner is going to be determined by the fans, right? We don’t have a say.”
I nodded. “I know. But the three of you determine who gets on the show…and all I’m asking for is a chance. Put me through my paces, like anybody else. Let me prove to you, to everyone, that I’m good enough to be a part of this band. Let me earn my right to play with you again…because I don’t think I earned it the first time around, and I definitely didn’t appreciate it. I do now though, and I want this. I want to play with you guys again. I want to be a D-Bag.”
The auditorium was so silent, I could hear myself breathing; it was much heavier than it usually was. I felt like I’d just run a fifty-meter dash, and I was waiting on the judge to tell me if I’d won or not. By the impassive looks around me, I couldn’t tell. It could still go either way.
Kellan was the first one to break the silence. “I’m a yes. He should move on.”
The crowd cheered in agreement as Kellan’s eyes moved over to Matt and Evan. One down. Matt’s lips were pressed into a firm line. Of all the guys, I’d hurt him the most when I’d left, both physically and emotionally. I’d taken a gigantic dump on our familial bond; he wasn’t going to forgive me anytime soon.
With Matt not speaking yet, Evan piped in. “I’m a yes too,” he said with a nod toward me. Two down. The crowd screamed again, and then all eyes shifted to the last judge. Getting in had to be a unanimous decision, and I silently begged Matt to give me a chance. I even hung my head while I waited. You have all the power here. I know that, and I accept it. Just don’t say no…I’ve got nothing left.
Like he could hear me, Matt simply said, “Yes.” When the shrieking from the other contestants died down, he added, “You’re in, Griffin…but just so you know, it’s not going to be easy.”
Feeling like my face was going to split apart from smiling so hard, I nodded. “I don’t want it to be easy.” I wanted to prove to them, to the world…and to myself…that I belonged here.
Liam went on after me. I was nervous as hell watching him with my family; it was even worse than when I’d been up there. People in the stands were watching me more than Liam. I ignored them and focused all my attention on him. Hopefully if I didn’t engage them they’d watch him too. And he deserved to have their attention. He was killing it!
When his song was over, I shot to my feet, whistling and shouting at the top of my lungs. All three judges approved Liam going to the next level, and I almost fell into the people in front of me I was jumping around so much. Matt walked onto the stage to give his cousin a quick hug of congratulations, and the crowd cheered at the display. Liam looked like he was going to cry. Fucking pansy. I couldn’t have been happier for him.
When he joined us in the audience, I picked him up in a bear hug. And even though he was my oldest sibling, I gave him a noogie like he was my kid brother. After everyone in our group had auditioned, our lot was escorted out so the next set could come in. Mom and Dad wanted to take Liam and me out to celebrate, but there was something I needed to do first. Well, there were several things I needed to do, but there was one thing in particular that couldn’t wait.