*
Gabriel closed his eyes a moment. With Jane’s nearness, the scent of lavender and honey that clung to her skin wafted about him until he was drunk on the fragrance of summer. Her hands upon his person coupled with her admission, sucked at his. She loved him. He pressed his palms over his face and drew in a slow breath.
What she asked, what she would inevitably expect would require a piece of him that he could not give. He wanted no part of caring for anyone else. Except, now she is yours to care for, forever. Finishing school or no finishing school. Until death do us part… “This is not what we had agreed to,” he repeated those desperate words, ripped from deep within his chest. For with their vows sealed, the permanency of their decision registered.
And now there was love. Her love. With anything more of their marriage would come children and just more people to care for and more people to fail—“I cannot give you what you,” deserve. “Hope for,” he said. His thick tongue made words difficult.
Her hands fluttered back to her side. “I’m not asking you for anything.”
In telling him, however, she did ask more of him. Expected more. Gabriel sidled away from her. His feet twitched with an involuntary urge to flee. “Jane, I will care for you, but I cannot,” his mind balked at finishing those words.
“Love me,” she said softly. A sad, little smile played about her bow-shaped lips. “Care for me?” she repeated those words back to herself. “Funny how one can care for a person while not caring about them.”
Her words wrenched at his heart and ripped the blasted organ that had ceased to beat for over thirty years. She cleared her throat and took several steps away from him. He mourned the loss of her nearness. “We should join your family.” Jane turned on her heel and started for the door.
Gabriel drew in a slow breath and then followed after her. How many other women would have spun on their heels and stormed off, indignant and making demands? Jane moved at a sedate pace and allowed him to reach her side. The synchronized footfall of his boots and her slippers echoed in the corridor, and as they drew nearer to the breakfast room, the cheerful peal of laughter and giggles punctuated the quiet.
They entered the room together and the small collection of his family and Waterson looked up in unison. Their laughter and discourse came to a screeching halt.
In apparent unease, Jane shifted on her feet and he imagined how hard this sudden change of circumstances was for her; a stranger to strange people, ruined and swiftly wedded and now part of his family’s fold. God, she was brave. He reached for her hand just as Imogen shoved back her chair and sprinted over. Gabriel immediately let his hand fall to his side.
“Jane!” Imogen greeted and took his bride by the elbow and gently guided her to the table. His bride. A loud humming filled his ears and he took a frantic look about the table. His gaze collided with Alex’s.
You can’t even say the word…
The wry grin on his brother’s lips indicated he even now had detected Gabriel’s tumult.
“Do you intend to stand and stare at the door all day?” Chloe piped in, cutting into his musings. “Or will you join the breakfast?”
Jane cast a glance back at him and he gave her a slight nod, intending for her to know he was here, that these people were different than the beasts they’d both known. A servant pulled out the mahogany shell-backed chair and she slid into the seat. Gabriel hurried and sat beside her.
And just like that, the stilted awkwardness was replaced by the cacophony of discussion and laughter. He swiped his glass of wine and took a long sip. From the corner of his eye, he studied his wife. She spoke with a matter of fact shame about the origins of her birth, but for her strength and proud bearing of her frame, she had the regality of a queen.
She stilled, as though feeling his gaze upon her, and then looked up. He braced for the hurt and regret in her eyes, but there was merely the spirited glimmer he’d come to expect from the silver flecks. Jane leaned close. “You needn’t worry, Gabriel. I will not have unfair expectations of you simply because I love you.” Simply because I love you. His own siblings barely loved him and for very good reasons.