“Yeah,” came her breathy murmur.
I’m going to ruin everything now. “The condom broke.”
Saying it aloud shook me up even more. I shucked off the useless thing and threw it away.
“Ahem,” came another female voice. I whipped my head around. “The whole neighborhood can hear you.”
The other voice had come from behind a little wooden door on the opposite wall of the bathroom.
Madre de Dios. I stumbled out of the bathroom and closed the door behind me.
Bella had gotten under the covers, where she now lazed, her head on one curled arm. The lazy expression on her face did not match mine. Why was she not freaking out? “Rafe, relax. It’s okay.”
“How is it okay?” There was nothing about this that was okay.
“Come here.” Bella pulled the covers back and beckoned to me. Reluctantly I got into bed beside her. She put a hand on my nervous chest. “I have an IUD. That’s a device that protects against pregnancy, and it’s more effective than any condom or any pill. So as long as you’re clean…”
“Of course I’m clean,” I sputtered.
“Of course you are,” Bella said softly, patting my chest. “I’m just saying. You don’t have to worry. I’m as careful as they come.”
I put a hand over my eyes, still mortified. A few hours ago, I was an upstanding guy who was taking his girlfriend out for her birthday. And now? I was some asshole who’d had a one-night stand.
And the condom broke. I thought I might throw up.
“Please don’t freak out.” Gently, Bella removed the hand from my eyes. “Because what we just did? That was ten different kinds of hot.”
She smiled at me then, and it was hard not to feel just a little calmer. A guy could get pretty lost in that smile if he wasn’t careful. “Yeah,” I whispered back to her. “Okay.” I still felt a little lightheaded. The fact that I’d had no dinner and more than half a bottle of wine probably explained it.
Bella propped herself up on one elbow to reach the lamp. She clicked it off and her room dropped into darkness. “Don’t go anywhere,” she said, getting comfortable on her pillow. “Because we might have to do that again in the morning. I need to know whether that much hot can be duplicated. For science.”
“For science,” I repeated in the dark, my head woozy.
I felt her lean in close, and she kissed me on the shoulder. Then she lifted one smooth knee up, dropping it down over my outstretched leg. A few minutes after that, I heard her breathing lengthen into sleep.
That’s when I really began to feel alone.
In the pitch dark of Bella’s room, I no longer had her smiling eyes to tell me everything was all right. The sleeping girl beside me became a stranger again.
The stillness pressed in on me, and tonight’s events began to play back in my mind. And what I saw there made me feel pretty damned loco. My plan had been to make love to my girlfriend of many months — a girl I thought I knew.
I’d thought wrong. So wrong.
And before the day was even over, I’d stripped off my clothes for sex with Bella, who I barely knew. It had been amazing, of course. I enjoyed every minute of it.
But what if the night had happened differently? If I’d gotten naked with Alison instead, and the condom broke? What then? A hasty trip to the health center, to get that pill you can take if you’re quick enough. The one that doesn’t always work.
Jesucristo.
There was a reason I hadn’t slept around like a lot of other guys. There were several reasons, but guilt was the main one. If my mother had any idea what I’d done tonight, she would lose her mind. Pregnant at nineteen, Ma’s life had never been the same.
After my father disappeared, Ma waited two years to find out what happened to him, saving up to hire a private investigator. The P.I. found my father within the month. He lives in Mexico City now, where he has another family.
We never even got a note.
“Not everyone is as selfish as your father,” Ma always said. “But I don’t want you putting yourself in the position of having to do the right thing. And you can’t put a teenage girl in the position of having to figure out what the right thing is. Don’t do it at all until you’re ready to become somebody’s father.”
My mother doesn’t mince words.
I never planned to take her advice literally. But her story weighed on me. It made me respectful of my high school girlfriends, who liked to make out but rarely let me touch them. And it made me feel guilty for wanting sex from Alison, who did not want to have sex. (With me.)