It’s like he’s here, but he’s not. And I’m worried that he’s slipped back into a time he’s tried so hard to forget.
It’s a hot August day here in Manchester, and I’m thankful for the sleeveless black linen dress I’m wearing and for the air-con in the BMW X5 which Dave is driving, taking us to Paul’s funeral. Stuart’s in the front next to him, and I’m in the back with Jake, who’s been staring out of the window since we left the hotel to make the journey to the crematorium. He’s wearing a black Armani suit, crisp white shirt and black tie, and dress shoes. It’s strange to see Jake in a suit, and even though he’s look absolutely amazing, breath-taking, I want him out of these clothes and back in his Jake threads. I want my Jake back.
I just hope the surprise, if you can call it that on a day like today, will help lift his spirit and bring him back to me.
I called Susie, Jake’s mum. I got her number from Jake’s phone when he was in the shower yesterday morning.
She wasn’t going to come to the funeral. Understandable of course after what Paul did to her and Jake. But she needs to, for Jake’s sake.
I’m doing everything I can for him, but for this, I think she’s the only person who can help him.
They lived it together, now they need to lay it to rest together.
It was weird speaking to her after all these years.
Once we got past the initial awkwardness, it was actually really nice to talk to Susie again. She told me that she’s really happy Jake and I have found each other again, and more so that we’re together. She said she always knew we were meant for one other.
I actually felt really teary hearing that.
Then I told her my reason for calling.
She took the first flight out of New York to Manchester. Stuart booked her into our hotel, but her flight was landing at lunchtime, so she’s coming straight to the funeral from the airport. Dale couldn’t come with her as he’s currently in China on business.
Susie and I are keeping our phone conversation between us.
That was my decision.
I don’t want Jake to know I called her. I want him to think she turned up because she wanted to be here for him.
Not that she didn’t want to help her son. Of course she does. She was just blinded by her own anger for Paul, understandably, and she just needed a nudge in the right direction.
Dave pulls the car down the long road to the crematorium. I feel Jake’s hand tighten around mine.
I lean close to him, and rest my cheek against his. “Are you okay?” I whisper in his ear.
He moves back from me, staring into my eyes. He looks so different, so little boy lost. It makes me ache for him.
I’m praying that Susie is already here waiting for us.
Jake lifts his hand to my face, tucking my hair behind my ear, he kisses me gently on the lips and murmurs, “You’re everything to me, Tru. You know that right?”
I nod, confused as to where he’s going with this.
He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Just … don’t ever leave me. No matter what – just don’t ever leave.”
I swallow down. He’s worrying me with these words.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours, Jake. You have my heart. I belong to you.”
Nervous and unsure, I lean in and kiss him lightly on the lips. But he grabs hold of my hair, kissing me harder, desperately, his tongue invading my mouth, claiming me. And it reminds me of the time he kissed me in bed when we were still having an affair. The first time he talked to me about Jonny. The desperation and intensity I felt then, I feel now, and more.
It’s almost like he’s trying to tell me something with this kiss. Something he can’t say with words.
When Dave pulls the car up outside the building, Jake’s already released me from his hold, and I see Susie is here, waiting with my mum and dad outside the building. I almost sigh with relief.
As Jake registers her, I see it on his face, the surprise, the relief; I don’t miss that, it almost breaks me.
Susie comes over to the car as Jake climbs out, me behind him.
She looks so different to how I remember her. I guess that’s what happiness and a lot of money can do for you.
“What are you doing here?” He sounds confused, angry … happy.
Susie looks up at him, shading her eyes from the sun with her hand. “I thought you might need me,” she says quietly. Reaching out, she takes hold of his hand.
I slip quietly away, leaving them both, and go over to my mum and dad.
“Hey, daddy.” I smile up at him, as he puts his arm around me, kissing the top of my hair. “Hey, mama,” I say, leaning forward to kiss her. “Thank you so much for coming, I know it will mean the world to Jake.”
“The only reason we are here is for you and Jake, baby girl,” my dad says to me.
I squeeze him tighter, hugging him. I’m so lucky to have a dad as wonderful as mine is.
Jake comes over to us with Susie a few moments later. She looks like she’s been crying, her eyes are a little bloodshot.
“Hello, Trudy,” she says. “It’s so wonderful to see you again.” She puts her arm out for me, and I step out of my dad’s embrace and into hers.
She kisses my cheek and whispers, “Thank you.”
I give her an understanding smile as she releases me. Then she takes hold of Jake’s hand, and they start to walk into the crematorium together. I follow behind with my mum and dad.
Then Jake stops, pausing, he turns and waits for me, holding his free hand out for me to take.
I slip my hand into his, and we all go into the service together.
After the funeral we all have an early dinner together at our hotel – Jake, me, Susie, my mum and dad, Stuart and Dave.
Jake seems a little more relaxed at dinner. He’s currently talking guitars with my dad, and he looks happier than I’ve seen him in days.
The funeral was difficult and over quickly, thankfully. We were the only ones there. Paul had no one. No family left except for Jake. No real friends. No one who really cared about him.
I know I should feel sad at the thought, but I don’t. I hate him for what he did to Jake. And I never thought I would be happy that someone was dead, but I am, because now, maybe Jake can finally let him go for good. Let his past go once and for all.
There was no wake after the funeral, and this dinner most certainly isn’t one.
This dinner is for Jake to help lift his spirits. I’ve also got a little something planned for later which I’m hoping will put a smile back on his face, one that I hope will stay there for a long time to come.
Not long after dinner is finished, Susie, tired from her flight, tells us she’s going to retire early, which works perfectly for my plans for Jake.
My mum and dad decide to go home too, and Stuart goes for a drink in the hotel bar with Dave.
“You want to join Stuart and Dave for a drink? Or just have an early night?” Jake asks, threading his fingers with mine, pulling me to his side as we walk back through the lobby, after seeing my mum and dad out of the hotel.
“Neither. We’re doing something else tonight,” I say.
Stopping, I turn to face him.
“We are?” His hands go to my hips, his head tilting to the side, assessing my face.
“Ahum,” I nod, smiling.
“What?”
“That, my gorgeous boyfriend, is a surprise.” I take hold of his hand, leaving him wondering, and lead him to the lifts to take us to the car park, and to the waiting car which contains everything I need for tonight.
As it’s my surprise, and Jake has no idea where we’re going, I’m driving … and tonight I’m driving James Bonds car.
Aston Martin’s are Jake’s favourite car, hence the hire for our stay. And I’m so totally flooring it on the motorway.
I honestly didn’t know it was possible to feel sexy driving a car. But I do right now. I feel like I’m a model in an advert or something.
It’s so cool. And I keep wanting to let out little squeals of excitement, but of course I won’t, because that would be weird, and also a little inappropriate considering Jake just buried his dad a few hours ago, or cremated him or whatever.
“So you won’t tell me where we’re going?” Jake asks, as I push the car up to eighty-five.
I don’t get to drive very often, and I have never driven a car as amazing as this one, so I’m totally making the most of it.
“Nope, it’s a surprise.”
“I thought you didn’t like surprises?”
Keeping my eyes on the dark road ahead, I say, “I don’t like receiving them. I never said anything about giving them.”
“Touché,” he laughs.
There’s only so long I can keep it a surprise before he guesses where it is we’re going, as he keeps looking at the bloody road signs. I should have had the foresight to bring a blind fold with me.
Jake, in a blindfold, totally at my mercy. Hmm, I’m liking the sound of that. Maybe later.
As I see the sign post signalling my turn to the place we’re going, I slide a glance at him, seeing the look on his face, and he looks happy.
He turns to me, smiling widely. “You’re taking me to Lumb Falls?”
“I am.” I give him another quick glance, a little smile of my own forming.
Jake reaches his hand over and puts it on my thigh. “Are you going to let me do dirty things to you while we’re there?”
“Well, I was planning on doing dirty things to you, actually.” I bite down on my lip, giving him another quick glance.
“Have I told you just how much I love you?” He slides his hand a little higher up my thigh, fingers inching my dress up.
Heat pools in my tummy.
“You have.” I swat his hand away, grinning. “But behave yourself pervy, or you’ll get no dirty tonight at all. I’m trying to drive James Bonds car here if you don’t mind.” I put my best prim and proper teasing voice on.
“Yes, ma’am,” he says, resting his hands back on his lap, grinning back at me.
He looks so free in this moment, and it makes my heart swell.
Tonight is going to be so much fun, I just know it. I knew bringing him here was the right thing to do.
I park the car up near the Falls. Climbing out, I go straight to the boot, and open it up.
I get the picnic box and cooler out which Stuart helped me get ready earlier on.
I hand the cooler to Jake, as he meets me around the back of the car.
Keeping hold of the picnic box, I grab the blanket, shut the boot and lock the car up.
Jake follows behind me, taking the picnic box from my hand, leaving me with just my bag and the blanket to carry as I navigate our way to the shore of the Falls in the darkness.
When we reach our destination, I set the blanket down and retrieve the lantern that I packed into the picnic box.
“Can I borrow your lighter, baby?”
Jake crouches beside me, handing me his lighter.
I light the candle in the lantern and set it down beside the blanket, then hand his lighter back to him.
Taking it from me, Jake pulls me to him and starts to kiss me.
He eases me back onto the blanket, his tongue roaming my mouth, meeting with mine, stroking it.