My husband having trusted one of his fellow-clerks with a sum of money,

too much for our fortunes to bear the loss of, the clerk failed, and

the loss fell very heavy on my husband, yet it was not so great neither

but that, if he had had spirit and courage to have looked his

misfortunes in the face, his credit was so good that, as I told him, he

would easily recover it; for to sink under trouble is to double the

weight, and he that will die in it, shall die in it.

It was in vain to speak comfortably to him; the wound had sunk too

deep; it was a stab that touched the vitals; he grew melancholy and

disconsolate, and from thence lethargic, and died. I foresaw the blow,

and was extremely oppressed in my mind, for I saw evidently that if he

died I was undone.

I had had two children by him and no more, for, to tell the truth, it

began to be time for me to leave bearing children, for I was now

eight-and-forty, and I suppose if he had lived I should have had no

more.

I was now left in a dismal and disconsolate case indeed, and in several

things worse than ever. First, it was past the flourishing time with

me when I might expect to be courted for a mistress; that agreeable

part had declined some time, and the ruins only appeared of what had

been; and that which was worse than all this, that I was the most

dejected, disconsolate creature alive. I that had encouraged my

husband, and endeavoured to support his spirits under his trouble,

could not support my own; I wanted that spirit in trouble which I told

him was so necessary to him for bearing the burthen.

But my case was indeed deplorable, for I was left perfectly friendless

and helpless, and the loss my husband had sustained had reduced his

circumstances so low, that though indeed I was not in debt, yet I could

easily foresee that what was left would not support me long; that while

it wasted daily for subsistence, I had not way to increase it one

shilling, so that it would be soon all spent, and then I saw nothing

before me but the utmost distress; and this represented itself so

lively to my thoughts, that it seemed as if it was come, before it was

really very near; also my very apprehensions doubled the misery, for I

fancied every sixpence that I paid for a loaf of bread was the last

that I had in the world, and that to-morrow I was to fast, and be

starved to death.




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