Oh had this particular scene of life lasted, or had I learned from that
time I enjoyed it, to have tasted the true sweetness of it, and had I
not fallen into that poverty which is the sure bane of virtue, how
happy had I been, not only here, but perhaps for ever! for while I
lived thus, I was really a penitent for all my life past. I looked
back on it with abhorrence, and might truly be said to hate myself for
it. I often reflected how my lover at the Bath, struck at the hand of
God, repented and abandoned me, and refused to see me any more, though
he loved me to an extreme; but I, prompted by that worst of devils,
poverty, returned to the vile practice, and made the advantage of what
they call a handsome face to be the relief to my necessities, and
beauty be a pimp to vice.
Now I seemed landed in a safe harbour, after the stormy voyage of life
past was at an end, and I began to be thankful for my deliverance. I
sat many an hour by myself, and wept over the remembrance of past
follies, and the dreadful extravagances of a wicked life, and sometimes
I flattered myself that I had sincerely repented.
But there are temptations which it is not in the power of human nature
to resist, and few know what would be their case if driven to the same
exigencies. As covetousness is the root of all evil, so poverty is, I
believe, the worst of all snares. But I waive that discourse till I
come to an experiment.
I lived with this husband with the utmost tranquillity; he was a quiet,
sensible, sober man; virtuous, modest, sincere, and in his business
diligent and just. His business was in a narrow compass, and his
income sufficient to a plentiful way of living in the ordinary way. I
do not say to keep an equipage, and make a figure, as the world calls
it, nor did I expect it, or desire it; for as I abhorred the levity and
extravagance of my former life, so I chose now to live retired, frugal,
and within ourselves. I kept no company, made no visits; minded my
family, and obliged my husband; and this kind of life became a pleasure
to me.
We lived in an uninterrupted course of ease and content for five years,
when a sudden blow from an almost invisible hand blasted all my
happiness, and turned me out into the world in a condition the reverse
of all that had been before it.