I returned, with the same concern for him, that I could not bear to
hear him talk so; that, on the contrary, if he could propose any
probable method of living, I would do anything that became me on my
part, and that I would live as close and as narrow as he could desire.
He begged of me to talk no more at that rate, for it would make him
distracted; he said he was bred a gentleman, though he was reduced to a
low fortune, and that there was but one way left which he could think
of, and that would not do, unless I could answer him one question,
which, however, he said he would not press me to. I told him I would
answer it honestly; whether it would be to his satisfaction or not,
that I could not tell.
'Why, then, my dear, tell me plainly,' says he, 'will the little you
have keep us together in any figure, or in any station or place, or
will it not?' It was my happiness hitherto that I had not discovered myself or my
circumstances at all--no, not so much as my name; and seeing these was
nothing to be expected from him, however good-humoured and however
honest he seemed to be, but to live on what I knew would soon be
wasted, I resolved to conceal everything but the bank bill and the
eleven guineas which I had owned; and I would have been very glad to
have lost that and have been set down where he took me up. I had
indeed another bank bill about me of #30, which was the whole of what I
brought with me, as well to subsist on in the country, as not knowing
what might offer; because this creature, the go-between that had thus
betrayed us both, had made me believe strange things of my marrying to
my advantage in the country, and I was not willing to be without money,
whatever might happen. This bill I concealed, and that made me the
freer of the rest, in consideration of his circumstances, for I really
pitied him heartily.
But to return to his question, I told him I never willingly deceived
him, and I never would. I was very sorry to tell him that the little I
had would not subsist us; that it was not sufficient to subsist me
alone in the south country, and that this was the reason that made me
put myself into the hands of that woman who called him brother, she
having assured me that I might board very handsomely at a town called
Manchester, where I had not yet been, for about #6 a year; and my whole
income not being about #15 a year, I thought I might live easy upon it,
and wait for better things.