“Take this further how?” I reply, nibbling on his ear, making him groan and breathe faster.
His hand sneaks up my shirt. “You know, sleep together.”
Okay, (1) We’ve only been making out for what, a week? (2) I’m a virgin. (3) That’s pretty presumptuous, to think I’d automatically agree to sleep with him. Don’t I get a say in any of this? We barely talk anymore. It’s all kissing and disagreements, and while the kissing is yummy, my heart hurts.
“I’m not ready for that,” I whisper, clutching his shirt.
He looks in my eyes before closing his. “Most people I know do it on the second or third date.”
“Oh.” I can’t even imagine that. Some kids at school casually fool around, but I don’t understand how they can get so intimate so quickly. To me, it seems like sex should happen naturally after a long period of dating and love. Not something that automatically happens because it’s the third date. I guess this means Brian’s had sex. Tons of it, probably, but I’m not gonna do the math.
“I’m not sure I want to.” I avoid his eyes.
“It’s fine,” he mumbles before starting to kiss me again. His stubble scratches my chin. “Can we do something else, at least? For now?”
“What?”
“Will you…?” He unzips his jeans.
He wants me to put my mouth on it. “I can’t,” I gasp, ashamed at the thought.
“Can I touch you?” he whispers, unbuttoning my jeans. He slides them down my legs and stares at my lacy white underwear. I’ve never gone this far with a boy, and the look on his face is so sexy I tug on his jeans, revealing black boxer briefs. He pushes my panties aside, making me moan softly as he works a finger inside me.
Later I straddle him and he wraps his hands around my waist and we kiss and kiss, only thin cotton separating us. I get so caught up in wanting to know what this feels like with a man that I nearly forget he hasn’t even taken me out on a real date yet.
“Next week, can we please do something outside of your truck?” I ask, delirious because of what he’s doing to my neck.
“Really, it’s not a good idea,” he pants, slipping his hand back down my underwear.
I want to tell him he can’t kiss away these issues, but somehow I doubt he’ll hear me. I push his hand away and sit up, lifting my hips and pulling my jeans back on. The door handle wedges into my back. It’s painful.
“I don’t want to sleep with you in your truck,” I say, licking my lips. They’re chapped from kissing so much.
He weaves his fingers in my hair and presses his forehead to mine. “We wouldn’t do it in my truck.”
“But you won’t let me go to your apartment now. Why will it be different in a month?”
“We can’t go to my apartment. Ever.”
“Fine.” The windshield is fogged up.
He glances down at where my pants fasten, then leans back in. “We could go to a motel?”
“That’s real classy.”
“I don’t mean to be a jerk…it’s just I’m so scared about this.” His breath feels hot against my face. His face wears a look of desperation. Like he wants me to follow his lead, no questions asked. “And sometimes I get so wrapped up in you and feeling like I’m young again, I forget about how much trouble we’ll be in if anyone finds out.”
I love that he’s into me, but is he only into me so he’ll “feel young again”? It’s not like he’s ancient. It’s like the minute we started hooking up, he got scared, and the fear has changed him.
“I bet you’d take Coach Vixen back to your apartment,” I say.
“You are Trouble, you know that?” he says with a laugh.
“It’s not funny.”
“I’m really into you, Park. I’m not interested in Jenna, I promise.”
“I think I’m gonna go home.” I start to open the door when Brian reaches out and pulls me into his arms.
“I’m sorry…We’ll figure this out.”
“You mean you’ll figure this out. You won’t listen to a single thing I say.” I try to disentangle myself from his arms, but he holds me tighter.
“I’m trying.” He leans his forehead against mine.
“I’m ready for bed.” I’m so pissed, I don’t bother with a good night kiss. “Bye.”
“Good night.” He sighs and drags a hand through his hair, and I climb out and trudge toward my house. Right as I step up to my porch, Drew emerges from the shadows. I gasp.
“Coach Hoffman? Really?” He looks freaked out. “You could get in so much trouble. What if your dad finds out? Or the school?” I hear Brian’s truck squeal out of the laundromat parking lot.
“Oh my God. You can’t tell!”
“I’d never do that. You know that.”
“I know.” I nod, closing my eyes. My body’s shaking all over. Did Drew see us hooking up?
“But what about Corndog?”
“What about him?” I open my eyes to find Drew regarding me warily. Looking at me like he doesn’t even know who I am.
“You know what I mean.”
“Drew…” I clasp my hands. How do I tell him that even though Will’s straight and will most likely never be interested in Drew back, I won’t do that to him? I guess that’s all I can say. “I’d never betray you. You’re my best friend.” I step closer to him and hug him around the waist, breathing in the comforting smell of lemons and cotton.
“Thanks,” he chokes out. “But are you okay? I thought you just had a crush on him, but you’re with him for real? Coach Hoffman? Really?”
“Would you stop saying ‘Coach Hoffman? Really?’”
“How did this even happen?”