All at once it seemed to her that in this hazard she had got all that
was best and most interesting; and that now, free as a bird an eventful
life of happiness and pleasure lay before her.
"I'll love if I will; if I don't, then I won't!" sang Lida softly to
herself, thinking meanwhile that her voice was a much better one than
Sina Karsavina's. "Oh! it's all nonsense! If I like, I'll give myself
to the devil!" Thus she made sudden answer to her thoughts, holding her
bare arms above her head so that her bosom shook.
"Aren't you asleep yet, Lida?" said Sanine's voice outside the window.
Lida started back in alarm, and then, with a smile, flung a shawl round
her shoulders as she approached the window.
"What a fright you gave me!" she said.
Sanine came nearer and leant with both elbows on the window-sill. His
eyes shone, and he smiled.
"There was no need for that!" he muttered playfully.
Lida looked round.
"Without a shawl you looked much nicer," he said in a low voice,
impressively.
Lida looked at him in amazement, and instinctively drew the shawl
tighter round her.
Sanine laughed. In confusion, she also leant upon the window-sill, and
now she felt his breath on her cheek.
"What a beauty you are!" he said.
Lida glanced swiftly at him, fearful of what she thought she could read
in his face. With her whole body she felt that her brother's eyes were
fixed upon her, and she turned away in horror. It was so terrible, so
loathsome, that her heart seemed frozen. Every man looked at her just
like that, and she liked it, but for her brother to do so was
incredible, impossible. Recovering herself, she said, smiling: "Yes, I know."
Sanine calmly watched her. The shawl and her chemise had slipped when
she leant on the window-sill, and partly disclosed her tender bosom,
white in the moonlight.
"Men always build up a Wall of China between themselves and happiness,"
he said in a low, trembling voice. Lida was terrified.
"How do you mean?" she asked faintly, her eyes still fixed on the
garden for fear of encountering his. To her it seemed that something
was going to happen of which one hardly dared to think. Yet she had no
doubt as to what it was. It was awful, hideous, and yet interesting.
Her brain was on fire; she could scarcely see, as with horror and yet
with curiosity she felt hot breath against her cheek that stirred her
hair and sent shivers through her frame.