“It’s the way it’s supposed to be. At least between people who trust each other.”
“I didn’t mean to lead you on,” she told him. “I’m sorry.”
His voice was deep and rough with unsated lust. “Not as sorry as I am.”
She needed to put some space between them and think. Lying here, staring at his body, was doing nothing to clear her head. His presence left no room for rational thought. He was too big. He took up too much of her attention when she was near him.
“I’m going to take a walk,” said Lexi. She sat up on the edge of the bed, letting her dizzy head settle.
He moved to sit beside her and though his jaw was tight, his tone was gentle. “I wish you’d stay.”
“So I can frustrate us more?” So he could see that she’d been planning to kill him? “No, thanks.”
“We were moving too fast, that’s all. You just need some time to learn you can trust me.”
She swallowed hard, trying to ease the tightness in her throat. “Zach, I need to be completely honest here. There is no way I’ll ever trust anyone enough to let them rummage around inside my head.”
“You’re just not used to the idea. Give it time to grow on you.”
“No. I mean it. We could be together for a dozen centuries and I’m still not going to give you that kind of power over me.”
“What are you talking about? What power?”
“Are you serious? You don’t think that being able to see inside my brain is like the ultimate power trip? Who knows what you could do once you’re up there?”
“That’s the point. If you trust someone enough to let them in, you trust them not to fuck you over.”
“That kind of trust isn’t in me,” said Lexi.
Zach straightened his shoulders. “So, I’ll go first. Go ahead. Take a peek inside and see whatever you like. I don’t have anything to hide.”
Lexi was tempted. The brief flash of images she’d gotten when she donned his luceria had intrigued her. She itched to see more, but it wasn’t fair. She couldn’t violate him like that.
“Sorry.”
His hand covered hers and a flood of comforting warmth streamed up her arm. “You just need more time. I have to find the patience to give it to you.”
She didn’t think time was the solution to all this, but she kept her mouth shut. Maybe after she had some space to be alone and think, she’d figure out how to handle Zach’s bizarre expectations. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to all of this . . . stuff.”
“Maybe you should talk to Helen about it. She’s been through all this.”
“Helen is a lot more trusting than I am.”
Zach sighed. “Maybe. But don’t worry. We’ll figure this out, honey. We’ll make it work.”
Lexi gritted her teeth against the tears that stung her eyes. “And if we can’t?”
“We will.” Total confidence radiated out from him. “I won’t let it happen any other way.”
She wished she could believe him, but she knew better. Even if her fantasy was true, and Zach was everything he claimed to be, she’d already betrayed him. She’d planned to kill him and his people, and after seeing how he’d slaughtered the creatures who had tried to do that very thing, she wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to forgive her. Sure, maybe he’d overlook it so he could keep on living, but that wasn’t the kind of life Lexi wanted. She wanted a home. A place where she belonged. Not a place that tolerated her existence because Zach needed her to live.
Of course, what she wanted had never really mattered in the greater scheme of her life.
Lexi went to the door and lifted the heavy bar. “I’ll be back later,” she told him. She didn’t dare turn around for fear of seeing the look of disappointment on his face. That wasn’t something she could handle right now. Not on top of everything else.
Lexi shut the door behind her and felt a wave of desperate longing rush through her. She was ten yards away before she realized that what she felt hadn’t come from her. It had come from Zach. She’d felt what he was feeling.
She pulled to a stop and slid her thumb under the slippery weight of the luceria. It was warm from her body—maybe even warmer than that. Frenetic vibrations of energy pulsed around it, as if begging to be used.
Lexi was convinced she’d made a terrible mistake putting the thing on, but it was too late now. She held Zach’s life squarely in her hands, and she wasn’t going to let him down.
At least not yet.
Maybe she wasn’t the trusting sort, and maybe she’d never let him wade through her thoughts and invade her privacy, but she wasn’t completely useless.
There was power inside the band around her neck, and she was damn well going to learn how to use it.
Chapter 15
Zach kept an eye on Lexi, holding back far enough that he didn’t think she’d see him. He wanted to give her some space, but not so much she was in danger.
The sun hadn’t yet set, so she was safe, but Zach wasn’t taking any chances. He wasn’t going to risk her leaving him again.
Now that she wore his luceria, his soul had stopped dying. He could sense that the decay of his lifemark had ceased, and although the pressure of the power housed inside him was still great, it was no longer painful. Lexi had saved him.
Zach wished like hell it was enough—that he didn’t have to ask her for more. But he did. He needed all of her, not just the part she wanted to give. Not just her body, but her trust.
Maybe it would take years, but Zach vowed he would find a way to show her he was worthy of such a precious gift.
“What are you doing skulking around in the trees?” asked Drake from behind him.
Zach pretended he hadn’t been startled, and turned around to look at his friend. “I’m not skulking. I’m keeping an eye on Lexi.”
Drake’s eyes slid down to Zach’s throat, then grew wide. A grin split his face and his eyes closed for a moment in relief. “She did it.”
“Yeah,” said Zach simply.
“Congratulations, man. That’s fantastic news. Helen is going to be beside herself.”
“You might want to hold off on telling her. I’m not sure how long it’s going to last.”
Drake’s mouth tightened. “How long did she give you?”
Zach shrugged, feeling stiff and edgy. He looked back toward Lexi, watching her as she trailed her hand along the stone wall surrounding Dabyr. “Until she gets sick of me. Until I drive her away.”
Drake’s voice had an edge of steel in it when he spoke. “We won’t let her leave. She’ll come around.”
“We’ll see.”
Zach moved through the trees, keeping pace with Lexi’s progress. Drake was a shadow at his side.
“She doesn’t want to forge any kind of mental connection with me,” said Zach. He wasn’t sure why he shared that information, but it was too late now.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean she’s blocking me. Keeping me out.”
“You should talk to Gilda.”
“No, thanks. I’d really rather not go spreading our problems around. Especially if it turns out some of the other men are compatible with her.”
“Right. Big secret. Got it.”
Lexi looked their way and both men went still, hiding their position. After a few seconds, she went back to her walk, ignoring them.
Drake picked up a discarded soda can that had found its way into the woods. “You know,” he said, “her resistance might have something to do with what Helen told me.”
“What?”
“She said that Lexi came here planning to help Helen escape.”
Zach’s heart squeezed hard and the bitter taste of betrayal filled his mouth. “No wonder Lexi let me find her. She wanted me to bring her here.”
“Sorry, man.”
Zach watched her slow to a halt, then press her hand against her chest. She leaned forward, and suddenly he realized she was feeling him right now—feeling what he was suffering.
Part of him wanted to go to her and comfort her, but another part of him wanted to shout at her that she was getting exactly what she deserved. How dare she trick him like this? How dare she plot behind his back to steal his brother’s wife away?
Zach clamped down hard on the scrawny connection that flowed between them. It was all one-sided anyway. What was the point in keeping it open?
“She was using me.” Saying the words aloud made his fists harden into lethal balls. He wanted to strike out and pound on something until he drove away the pain and humiliation her treachery had caused.
“Maybe, but look where it’s gotten you. She’s wearing your luceria. You have a chance to make this thing work.”
“Not without her cooperation,” said Zach. His words came out like hard, cold chips of ice.
“Then get her to cooperate. Find a way inside her defenses. Trick her if you have to.”
“She sure as hell didn’t have any problems tricking me.”
Drake’s hand closed around Zach’s arm. He hadn’t realized until then, that he had started toward her in anger. “Easy, Zach. You need to stop and think before you act. Put yourself in her shoes, and if you can’t do that, then go spend some quality time with the heavy bag before you go to her.”
Zach swallowed down some of his rage and gave a tight nod. “She doesn’t understand our world.”
“Neither did Helen.”
“Lexi’s worse, because not only doesn’t she understand it—she has all these wrong ideas her mom put in her head. She actually believed the Synestryn were our pets.”
“Are you serious?”
Zach nodded. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get her to trust me.”
“You certainly won’t if you go after her with that lethal look on your face. You need a plan.”
Zach wasn’t sure anything as rational as planning was going to work for him right now. All he wanted to do was vent his anger, throw his weight around, and force Lexi to be what he needed her to be.
“Are there any cracks in her defenses?” asked Drake. “Anything you could show her or give her that would help gain her trust?”
“I’ve been trying to do that since I found her. Nothing has worked.” Zach strained his memory, trying to figure out where Lexi’s buttons were. There was the sexual chemistry between them, of course, but Zach wasn’t completely sure that was the way to go. What if they slept together and she regretted it? It could be a huge step backward.
The only time he’d seen any real emotion coming from her was over her car.
Her home.
That was it. Zach knew what he needed to do. “Do you have a couple of hours you can give me to work on something?”
Drake gave him a puzzled frown. “Sure. Helen’s taking a nap, getting rested for some more work on the wall tonight. What do you need?”
“Four more men, some heavy lifting, and a lot of luck.”
Connal covered his body from the remaining rays of sunset with a heavy cloak and carried Zillah’s box into the woods behind Dabyr.