LETTER XXXI

DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER, I will continue my writing still, because, may be, I shall like to

read it, when I am with you, to see what dangers I have been enabled to

escape; and though I bring it along with me. I told you my resolution, my happy resolution as I have reason to think

it: and just then he came in again, with great kindness in his looks,

and said, I make no doubt, Pamela, you will stay this fortnight to

oblige me. I knew not how to frame my words so as to deny, and yet not

make him storm. But, said I, Forgive, sir, your poor distressed servant.

I know I cannot possibly deserve any favour at your hands, consistent

with virtue; and I beg you will let me go to my poor father. Why, said

he, thou art the veriest fool that I ever knew. I tell you I will

see your father; I'll send for him hither to-morrow, in my travelling

chariot, if you will; and I'll let him know what I intend to do for

him and you. What, sir, may I ask you, can that be? Your honour's noble

estate may easily make him happy, and not unuseful, perhaps to you, in

some respect or other. But what price am I to pay for all this?--Yon

shall be happy as you can wish, said he, I do assure you: And here I

will now give you this purse, in which are fifty guineas, which I will

allow your father yearly, and find an employ suitable to his liking, to

deserve that and more: Pamela, he shall never want, depend upon it.

I would have given you still more for him, but that, perhaps, you'd

suspect I intended it as a design upon you.--O sir, said I, take back

your guineas! I will not touch one, nor will my father, I am sure, till

he knows what is to be done for them; and particularly what is to become

of me. Why then, Pamela, said he, suppose I find a man of probity,

and genteel calling, for a husband for you, that shall make you a

gentlewoman as long as you live?--I want no husband, sir, said I: for

now I began to see him in all his black colours!--Yet being so much in

his power, I thought I would a little dissemble. But, said he, you

are so pretty, that go where you will, you can never be free from the

designs of some or other of our sex; and I shall think I don't answer

the care of my dying mother for you, who committed you to me, if I don't

provide you a husband to protect your virtue, and your innocence; and a

worthy one I have thought of for you. O black, perfidious creature! thought I, what an implement art thou

in the hands of Lucifer, to ruin the innocent heart!--Yet still I

dissembled: for I feared much both him and the place I was in. But,

whom, pray sir, have you thought of?--Why, said he, young Mr. Williams,

my chaplain, in Lincolnshire, who will make you happy. Does he know,

sir, said I, any thing of your honour's intentions?--No, my girl, said

he, and kissed me, (much against my will; for his very breath was now

poison to me,) but his dependance upon my favour, and your beauty and

merit, will make him rejoice at my kindness to him. Well, sir, said I,

then it is time enough to consider of this matter; and it cannot hinder

me from going to my father's: for what will staying a fortnight longer

signify to this? Your honour's care and goodness may extend to me there,

as well as here; and Mr. Williams, and all the world, shall know that I

am not ashamed of my father's poverty. He would kiss me again, and I said, If I am to think of Mr. Williams, or

any body, I beg you'll not be so free with me: that is not pretty, I'm

sure. Well, said he, but you stay this next fortnight, and in that time

I'll have both Williams and your father here; for I will have the match

concluded in my house; and when I have brought it on, you shall settle

it as you please together. Meantime take and send only these fifty

pieces to your father, as an earnest of my favour, and I'll make you

all happy.--Sir, said I, I beg at least two hours to consider of this.

I shall, said he, be gone out in one hour; and I would have you write to

your father what I propose; and John shall carry it on purpose: and he

shall take the purse with him for the good old man, if you approve it.

Sir, said I, I will then let you know in one hour my resolution. Do so,

said he; and gave me another kiss, and let nee go. O how I rejoiced I had got out of his clutches!--So I write you this,

that you may see how matters stand; for I am resolved to come away, if

possible. Base, wicked, treacherous gentleman as he is! So here was a trap laid for your poor Pamela! I tremble to think of

it! O what a scene of wickedness was here laid down for all my wretched

life! Black-hearted wretch! how I hate him!--For, at first, as you'll

see by what I have written, he would have made me believe other things;

and this of Mr. Williams, I suppose, came into his head after he walked

out from his closet, to give himself time to think how to delude me

better: but the covering was now too thin, and easy to be seen through. I went to my chamber, and the first thing I did was to write to him; for

I thought it was best not to see him again, if I could help it; and I

put it under his parlour door, after I had copied it, as follows: 'HONOURED SIR, 'Your last proposal to me convinces me, that I ought not to stay, but

to go to my father, if it were but to ask his advice about Mr. Williams.

And I am so set upon it, that I am not to be persuaded. So, honoured

sir, with a thousand thanks for all favours, I will set out to-morrow

early; and the honour you designed me, as Mrs. Jervis tells me, of your

chariot, there will be no occasion for: because I can hire, I believe,

farmer Brady's chaise. So, begging you will not take it amiss, I shall

ever be 'Your dutiful Servant.' 'As to the purse, sir, my poor father, to be sure, won't forgive me, if

I take it, till he can know how to deserve it which is impossible.' So he has just now sent Mrs. Jervis to tell me, that since I am resolved

to go, go I may, and the travelling chariot shall be ready; but it shall

be worse for me; for that he will never trouble himself about me as long

as he lives. Well, so I get out of the house, I care not; only I should

have been glad I could, with innocence, have made you, my dear parents,

happy. I cannot imagine the reason of it, but John, who I thought was gone with

my last, is but now going; and he sends to know if I have any thing else

to carry. So I break off to send you this with the former. I am now preparing for my journey, and about taking leave of my good

fellow-servants: and if I have not time to write, I must tell you the

rest, when I am so happy as to be with you. One word more: I slip in a paper of verses, on my going: sad poor stuff!

but as they come from me, you'll not dislike them, may be. I shewed them

to Mrs. Jervis, and she liked them, and took a copy; and made one sing

them to her, and in the green-room too; but I looked into the closet

first. I will only add, that I am Your dutiful DAUGHTER. Let me just say, That he has this moment sent me five guineas by Mrs.

Jervis, as a present for my pocket: So I shall be very rich; for as she

brought them, I thought I might take them. He says he won't see me: and

I may go when I will in the morning; and Lincolnshire Robin shall drive

me: but he is so angry, he orders that nobody shall go out at the door

with me, not so much as into the coach-yard. Well! I can't help it, not

I! But does not this expose himself more than me? But John waits, and I would have brought this and the other myself; but

he says, he has put it up among other things, and so can take both as

well as one. John is very good, and very honest; I am under great obligations to him.

I'd give him a guinea, now I'm so rich, if I thought he'd take it. I

hear nothing of my lady's clothes, and those my master gave me: for I

told Mrs. Jervis, I would not take them; but I fancy, by a word or two

that was dropped, they will be sent after me. Dear sirs! what a rich

Pamela you'll have if they should! But as I can't wear them if they do,

I don't desire them; and if I have them, will turn them into money, as I

can have opportunity. Well, no more--I'm in a fearful hurry!




readonlinefreebook.com Copyright 2016 - 2024