Don't, my dear, said he, be concerned at what gives me pleasure. I am
not the nearer my end, for having made this disposition; but I think
the putting off these material points, when so many accidents every day
happen, and life is so precarious, is one of the most inexcusable things
in the world. And there are many important points to be thought of, when
life is drawing to its utmost verge; and the mind may be so agitated
and unfit, that it is a most sad thing to put off, to that time, any of
those concerns, which more especially require a considerate and composed
frame of temper, and perfect health and vigour, to give directions
about. My poor friend, Mr. Carlton, who died in my arms so lately; and
had a mind disturbed by worldly considerations on one side; a weakness
of body, through the violence of his distemper, on another; and the
concerns of still as much more moment, as the soul is to the body, on
a third; made so great an impression upon me then, that I was the more
impatient to come to this house, where were most of my writings, in
order to make the disposition I have now perfected: And since it is
grievous to my dear girl, I will myself think of such trustees as shall
be most for her benefit. I have only, therefore, to assure you, my dear,
that in this instance, as I will do in any other I can think of, I have
studied to make you quite easy, free, and independent. And because I
shall avoid all occasions, for the future, which may discompose you, I
have but one request to make; which is, that if it please God, for my
sins, to separate me from my dearest Pamela, you will only resolve not
to marry one person; for I would not be such a Herod, as to restrain
you from a change of condition with any other, however reluctantly I may
think of any other person's succeeding me in your esteem.
I could not answer, and thought my heart would have burst: And he
continued, To conclude at once a subject that is so grievous to you, I
will tell you, my Pamela, that this person is Mr. Williams. And now I
will acquaint you with my motive for this request; which is wholly owing
to my niceness, and to no dislike I have for him, or apprehension of any
likelihood that it will be so: but, methinks it would reflect a little
upon my Pamela, if she was to give way to such a conduct, as if she had
married a man for his estate, when she had rather have had another,
had it not been for that; and that now, the world will say, she is at
liberty to pursue her inclination, the parson is the man!--And I cannot
bear even the most distant apprehension, that I had not the preference
with you, of any man living, let me have been what I would, as I
have shewn my dear life, that I have preferred her to all her sex, of
whatever degree. I could not speak, might I have had the world; and he took me in his
arms, and said, I have now spoken all my mind, and expect no answer; and
I see you too much moved to give me one. Only forgive me the mention,
since I have told you my motive; which as much affects your reputation,
as my niceness; and offer not at an answer;--only say, you forgive me:
And I hope I have not one discomposing thing to say to my dearest, for
the rest of my life; which I pray God, for both our sakes, to lengthen
for many happy years.