“2017, February 19th. My situation is worse than expected. I can feel my senses receding by the day. I no longer feel the need to smile, to cry, or even to feel pain. I feel like a walking dead. The dosage of the tranquilizer has increased from 4 to 8 per intake.”
“2017, February 21st. During lunch, I realize I can no longer taste food. More importantly, during the meeting, I couldn’t bring myself to announce the ending of the meeting. The words simply won’t come to my mouth. Am I missing the ability of speech right after missing the ability of taste?”
“2017, February 23rd. I’m afraid that I’ll collapse randomly one day before the date of her wedding, before I leave Beijing. I’ve increased the dosage of the tranquilizer, but the anxiety still remains. In my annoyance, I shredded a contract worth several hundred million. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I agreed to Song Menghwa’s request to meet a girl because I want to let her know I’m trying my best to live up to my end of the promise.”
“2017, February 25th. Today, I haven’t said one single word. When I returned home, I tried talking to myself because I was really afraid that I had lost the power of speech. I realized the words ‘Tingting’ and ‘Qingchun’ roll off my tongue easily. I increased the dosage of the tranquilizer, and I finally had a good night’s sleep, but I understand that was because I passed out from the overdose.”
“2017, February 27th. I found myself unwilling to get up from bed because I dreamed about her. Only in my dreams do I dare love her.”
“2017, March 3rd. I found a lawyer to split up the stocks under my name. 30 percent I’ll give her, and 20 percent I will leave for mother and Song Menghwa. As for the real estate, mother and she will each share half. After the lawyer left, I stared out the window, blanking out for a long time. I’ve known that I will inevitably lose her since many years ago. Even though she has never really been mine, as her wedding date draws closer, I feel like the distance between us grows bigger. I realize I’m not as strong as I imagine. That night, the Su Zhinian at Hai Nan who gave her the promise, the beautiful dream has also given her his life.”
Liar, big liar… The person who suggested to return to a life under the sun after the date was over is you, but the first to renege is also you.
He had lied to her many times, and she would always fall for it.
Liar, big liar…
Song Qingchun wiped away her tears and turned the page. Only one last entry remained.
“2017, March 5th. I finally brought the girl I’ve met with three times home. Tingting was home as well. She seemed to have a good rapport with the girl. Speaking of which, I haven’t really spoken a full sentence to that girl before. Actually, I really didn’t want to smile at the girl, but Tingting was there, so I forced myself to. I’ve promised her, we will both walk away into a better life. Even though I’m faking it, Tingting has to see that I’m living up my end of the bargain so that she will commit to hers.”