“Have you ever done this before?” I asked as I tried to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat. I searched her eyes, hoping I had misread her.
“I don’t make it a habit of sleeping with my professors.” She replied, sarcasm dripping from her words. Behind that, there was a nervousness.
“That’s not what I meant.” I could tell she understood but didn’t want to say the words.
“No” She whispered, looking down at the still fastened buttons of my shirt. I pushed back from her, needing space in between us. I had never even considered the fact that she was a virgin. Very few at her age are. I tried my best to hide the horror in my eyes as I thought back to bending her over my desk. I must have been unsuccessful because she immediately crossed her arms over her chest, her face wrought with rejection. I wanted to protect her, to make that sad expression fade away.
“Look at me.” I pleaded with her. She did not move, staring blankly at her feet. “Look at me.” I said again, slightly more commanding. I reached out hesitantly and tipped her chin up with my fingers. She did not recoil at my touch. As her eyes met mine I froze, not wanting to say what I was about to say. I took a deep breath and forced the words to leave my mouth. “I can’t do this.” The words stung and she flinched. My mind raced at the horrible mistake I had made, letting myself give in to what I felt for her. Tears welled in her eyes and reflecting back at me was the monster I had become. She pushed past me, heading towards the door. I had no right to try to stop her.
“I’ll find my own way home.” Her voice cracked under her sadness. I followed after her, grabbing her arm and forcing her to face me. She needed to know it wasn’t her fault. She needed to know I was a monster and she should be thankful that it didn’t go any further. She trembled under my fingers as tears began to slowly fall down her cheeks. I froze. I couldn’t find the words to tell her how I felt. I was a coward. She pulled free from my grip and left my apartment.
I didn’t chase her. I let her go.
Chapter Ten
I walked back over to the island wanting to numb myself from everything that had happened. Corrupting Emma was a new low. I poured myself a drink. As the liquid burned my throat, I chased it with another. I thought of Emma, outside, alone. I can’t let her out there by herself. Not after what I had just done to her. I grabbed my laptop and quickly searched her name. I pulled up her page on the social network site I had found the other day. I scanned her info and saw her number. I dialed her number, not letting myself second guess myself.
“Come get me.” She said, the sadness still evident in her voice. She obviously hadn’t expected me to be on the other end.
“Where are you?” I asked, wanting to run to her, to comfort her. I was selfish.
“Like you care.” She was angry and the words stung. I couldn’t let her out there with no way to get home. Not after what I had just done to her.
“I just want to make sure you make it home safely.” I struggled to hide the frustration in my voice. As much as I wanted to make sure she was safe, I wanted to see her. I was a wolf after an injured fawn. Not even I could stop myself from hurting her.
“I’m not going home. I’m going out.” She hissed and the line went dead. I had rejected her and she was going out to find comfort in someone else’s arms. I cursed under my breath, clenching my phone so tightly that my knuckles turned white.
I made my way back to the kitchen for another drink. Why do I care what she does and whom she does it with? I had rejected her and let her leave. I was a vile creature in her eyes. That is what I had wanted. My phone rang and I felt the sadness wash away. She changed her mind. I grabbed the phone and held it up to read the caller I.D. It was Angela. My heart sank. I poured another drink as I thought about answering it. Soon, the apartment filled with silence. I quickly dialed Emma again. I needed to know she was alright and wasn’t going to do anything stupid on account of me. It rang three times before a voice answered, but it wasn’t Emma.
“Hello?” A female asked. I could barely hear her over the thudding of the music in the background.
“Is Emma there?” I asked, hoping I had the right number.
“She’s right here. You should hang out with us. We’re at The Rapture.” She giggled, slurring her words. I heard a man’s voice in the background and I could have sworn he said Emma’s name.
“Perhaps” I replied as I ended the call. I knew I shouldn’t go, but Emma obviously had a low tolerance for alcohol, as evident by her injured hand. I couldn’t live with myself if she was taken advantage of by someone else. Could I live with myself if it was I who took advantage of her? I didn’t want to know the answer. I grabbed my keys and went after her. I just needed to know she was alright.
I sat in the parking lot at the club, trying to convince myself that I had no right to care. If I went to her, everyone would see me. I wouldn’t be able to show my face at the college again. I gripped the door handle. Just then Emma stumbled outside of the club. I breathed a sigh of relief. I grabbed my phone and hit redial.
“What?” She asked bitterly. I deserved her anger, but it didn’t make it easier to take.
“You look like you’ve had too much to drink.” I said, frustrated with her lack of self-control. Coming from me, it was laughable. I got out of my car and leaned against it, watching her. Her eyes quickly scanned the parking lot, coming to rest on me. I couldn’t help but smile.
“I can take care of myself, but thanks for your concern.” She spat angrily.
“I’ll give you a ride.” I tried to hide the growing frustration in my voice.
“Fine” She replied before hanging up. She walked towards me and my smile grew wider. I wanted to take her in my arms right there but instead, I opened the passenger door.
Chapter Eleven
She looked uncomfortable. Her arms wound tightly around her waist.
“Have fun?” I hated to see how self-destructive she really was. It made me ill.
“I had a great time.” She bit back. She wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Where are we going?”
“Back to my place. You need to eat something.” She needed to sober up. She couldn’t go back home wasted and depressed. I needed to protect myself. At least, that’s what I told myself. I knew I really wanted to make sure she was okay. I had nearly barged into that club, career be damned. Even with the slight buzzing of alcohol coursing through my veins, I knew I was willing to risk everything for her.
“I need to call my aunt. If she comes home and I’m not there…” She pulled her phone out of her pocket. I reached over, placing my hand on it before she could dial. The touch of her skin against mine, however slight, sent a shock through my body. Her eyes grew wide. She had felt it too. I swallowed hard, pushing what I felt deeper.
“Send her a message. Tell her you are staying at a friend’s house. It won’t look good that you’re hanging out with your professor.” I said. Her eyes stayed fixed on mine. She nodded and reluctantly withdrew my hand. She quickly typed out a message and slipped the phone back into her pocket. We rode in silence for the remainder of the short drive to my place.
As we pulled inside, I sat for a moment, contemplating my next move. Give her something to eat, than take her home. She is not yours to worry about. I was determined to not hurt her again.
I exited the car and waited for her to join me. I motioned towards the steps, placing my hand on the small of her back as I guided her upstairs. My pulse quickened at the feel of her muscles in her back.
As we stepped inside, I was careful to put some distance between us. I quickly went to work at preparing her something to eat. What do angels eat? I thought as she settled in on a bar stool across the island.
She picked at her sandwich, ignoring her glass of water. I pushed the glass closer.
“Thank you” She said quietly. I ran my hands through my hair, trying desperately not to focus on her mouth as she ate. I grabbed my bottle of liquor and filled my glass. She ate in silence as she watched me slip further and further away. “I’m sorry…about earlier.” Her eyes fixated on her food.
“I’m the one who should be apologizing.” I replied, shaking my head. “I should have never brought you here. I can’t do this to you.” Saying the words aloud felt like a dagger in my chest. I took another drink. She pushed back from the counter and headed towards the door.
“You said that already.” Her voice was small and she was on the brink of losing it all over again. I followed after her, not letting myself think of the consequences. She opened the door and I pushed it closed from behind her. I had to explain. I couldn’t let her think any of this was her fault. I had preyed upon her like an animal. She turned slowly to face me. I was close enough to feel the heat from her body. I single tear slid down her cheek. I am an animal playing with its food.
“I didn’t say I don’t want to, I said I couldn’t.” I wiped away the tear with my thumb. She didn’t pull away from me. Her expression changed from wanting to escape to pure wanting. She grabbed my hand in hers and held it against her face. She felt it too. “You don’t want this.” I whispered as she moved closer. Her hands left mine and she slowly began to undo the buttons of my shirt. This time, her hands where steady. She pushed the shirt from my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor below. I grabbed the bottom of my under shirt and pulled it over my head. My eyes never left hers. I began to undo my belt as her hands slid across my chest. I folded it over in my hands and undid my button, letting my jeans sag low on my hips. “You’re being a very bad girl.” The hint of smile played at the corners of her mouth.
“What are you going to do to me?” I could hear the nervousness in her voice. I grabbed her uninjured hand and lowered it to my zipper. I pushed against her so she could feel how much I wanted her. She gasped but did not pull away. I leaned in closer to her ear, letting my lips brush against her.
“I’m going to punish you.”
Chapter Twelve
Her hand flexed against me and I almost fell to my knees with her touch. I began to slowly rock against her as her hand moved delicately over me. “That’s enough fun for you. Now it’s my turn.” I wanted to dominate her. I wanted to make her feel things she never had imagined. I wanted her to let go and to give her pleasure over to me. I led her to my bedroom at the far end of the floor. “In here I am in charge. In here you belong to me.” Her eyes danced over the bed. “We will take it slow at first.” I walked towards her slowly, praying she wouldn’t run away. I slipped my hands onto either side of her face and slowly leaned in to kiss her. She didn’t pull away from me. After a moment, her body relaxed against mine, her lips parting, giving me entrance. Her hands raised, and she trailed her fingertips down my stomach. I grabbed hold of her quickly. I wasn’t ready to not have full and total control. “You can’t touch me unless I tell you to. Understand?” She understood completely. She willingly sacrificed herself to the wolf.
My mouth found hers again and we picked up where we had left off. I slipped my fingers under the hem of her shirt. She gasped aloud at my touch but didn’t stop me. I was waiting for her to run away at any moment, but she didn’t. I pulled my mouth free of hers to watch her as I slowly circled her stomach with my fingertips. Her body vibrated beneath me. I pulled the shirt over her head and stepped back to drink her all in. She hadn’t worn a bra. That was an unexpected bonus. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to hide herself. “Move your arms. I want to see you.” I regretted my tone but she did as I asked. Her arms fell, reluctantly to her sides. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth as she looked at the floor. “Look at me.” I ordered. Her eyes met mine, setting my entire body on fire. I stepped closer to her, a bee to a flower. I traced the top of her jeans with my fingers, allowing them to dip slightly out of sight. Her gaze never left mine as I slowly leaned closer, allowing my lips to brush the delicate skin of her neck. She shivered beneath me as I explored her further with my tongue. I made my way to her breasts, sliding my mouth over one of her nipples as I undid the button of her jeans. The sound that escaped her mouth was the most erotic noise ever uttered. I looked up at her, as I repeated the flicking action of my tongue. She was slowly unwinding and on the brink of ecstasy. Her fingers wound into my hair and tugged gently.