“I can’t leave him.” I said, taking a step back.
“We aren’t going anywhere. I just want to grab us a bite to eat. You must be starving.” She smiled and the doors slid open. I placed my hand over my stomach. I really could use something to eat. I stepped inside.
We made our way to the lobby and I glanced over the sign to find directions to the cafeteria.
“This way.” Martha tugged me in the direction of the food. I was grateful to have a mother figure around. We stood in line and ordered our meals.
“I’m really worried,” I confessed. Martha glanced over at me and picked up a bottle of tea.
“No need to worry. William is strong, just like his father.”
I flinched. “They don’t seem like they are anything alike.”
She looked over at me, her eyebrow raised. She didn’t say anything and I wished I had never opened my mouth. William hated his father and I was certain the feeling was mutual. Even I couldn’t deny that they both seemed to love power. Still, William was really caring when you got to know him. I couldn’t picture Gerald being affectionate.
We made our way to a table in the back corner of the room. Martha gestured for me to sit and I did. She slid in a seat across from me as awkward silence filled the room.
“He’s not so bad, you know? Gerald…” Martha said, shaking her head as she unwrapped her sandwich. I had the sudden realization that I was staring into my future. Is this what I had to look forward to if I stayed with William? A controlling, cold and cruel man? No… she was wrong.
I took a bite of my food and grabbed a little orange pill bottle from my purse. I pushed down on the lid and dumped one of the small white ovals into my hand.
“You in a lot of pain, dear?” Martha asked, cocking her head to the side.
“A little,” I shrugged as I popped the pill in my mouth and took a drink. It was awkward sitting across from my possibly ex-boyfriend’s mother. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I knew he blamed his father for many things, but in my eyes, his mother was just as responsible for his unhappiness. Why didn’t she try to protect him from him? Why did I care? William wasn’t mine anymore.
“You know, sometimes emotional pain can manifest itself into physical pain. They say depression can actually hurt.” She took another bite of her sandwich and made a face of disgust at the sub-par meal.
What the f**k was she talking about?
“I’m pretty sure my headache is a direct result of my head bouncing off a car window.” I didn’t mean to sound snippy, but I couldn’t help it. Everything in my life was just wrong. I was angry and bitter.
“Of course it is. I didn’t mean to offend. I just… I know a relationship… can be difficult.” She was assuming my relationship with William was like hers.
I sighed, feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet. She hadn’t done anything to me. She was scared for the wellbeing of her son and here I was, having an attitude with her. “I’m sorry. It has been a long week.”
She waved it off and we both ate for a few moments in silence.
“You’re good for him,” she said as she picked up her drink and took a long sip. I pulled my eyebrows together as I watched her. “I know how he can be, but you’re still here. That says something about the kind of woman you are.”
I smiled slightly. It felt good that we had someone’s approval, even if it was at the end of our relationship.
“Come on, dear. Let’s go see what the doctor has to say.” She stood and waited for me to gather my things. I dumped them in the trashcan and held open the door for her to leave the cafeteria.
The ride up the elevator was the longest of my life. I couldn’t handle the stress of not knowing if he was going to be okay. I hated him, but I missed him.
We reached the room just as the doctor was leaving. Gerald was running his hand through his hair as he watched us enter. He gave me a quick glance and turned his attention to his wife. It was obvious I hadn’t won his approval. I rolled my eyes without thinking. I glanced back up to see his glare as his muscles flexed over his jaw. I swallowed hard and made my way to the seat next to William.
“Any news?” Martha asked, regaining Gerald’s attention.
“These doctors are incompetent. I’ll make a few phone calls and see if I can’t get a real specialist in here.” Martha lovingly stroked Gerald’s arm in an attempt to soothe him.
I turned to William and slipped my fingers into his. Tears pricked my eyes and I closed them tightly, pleading with myself not to break down and show weakness in front of his father.
“I’ll make arrangements for a hotel,” he said as he pulled out his phone and headed into the hallway. Martha came to join me at William’s side.
“He looks so peaceful.” She placed a hand on his leg and smiled. I sniffed as I stared at his face.
“I booked us a suite over at the Plaza. Let’s go get settled in,” Gerald announced, not bothering to reenter the room. Martha shot me a small smile and turned to join her husband.
“You take care of my boy, Emma,” she called over her shoulder before she disappeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
His own parents didn’t bother sticking around to make sure he was even okay. Sure, they would call some doctors, but that paled in comparison to being by his side when… if he woke.
Chapter Eighteen
The next two days were the longest and loneliest days of my life. William’s parents stopped by from time to time, but it was always on their way to somewhere else.
The new doctor they had had flown in took over William’s case with expert care. I was thankful and it was a great relief to know that he was in the best hands possible.
William’s parents only stayed in town for another day. Gerald had a new movie that would begin filming soon. I couldn’t imagine how anything could be more important than your own child’s life.
I never left his side. I felt lost without him. Day and night I stayed by him, pleading with him to get better. Finally, the day had come that William’s condition had improved significantly and they would be allowing him to wake up. I used all of the samples and trials I could find to make myself look half-decent as I waited for him to regain consciousness. The hospital bathroom was less than luxurious but I made it work.
The first time I looked into his beautiful deep blue eyes, my heart was beating out of my chest. He squeezed his eyes closed and looked around, adjusting to the light. I shifted my weight nervously from one foot to the other. I didn’t know if he even wanted me around after the argument we’d had.
The doctor checked William’s vitals as I held his hand.
“Where am I?” he asked as he ran his hand though his hair and down over his face that was no longer clean-shaven.
“Kippling Hospital.” My voice cracked as he eyed me, his eyebrows pulled together. I shoved my hands in my back pockets as I chewed on my lip.
“Welcome back to the world,” the doctor said cheerily. William smiled and winced like he was in pain. “Can you tell me your name?”
“William… Honor.” He groaned as he rubbed his head. The doctor scribbled a note on his paper.
“Great. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?” He stared at William, pen in hand.
“Ughh… yeah, sure…” His eyes darted to me and then back to the doctor. “I remember… shit…” He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.
“It’s okay.” The doctor patted him on the arm. “You’ve been through a serious trauma. It may take a little while to come back to you. In the meantime, we will do our best to keep you comfortable.”
William squeezed his eyes shut.
“What happened?” William asked.
“You were in a car accident. You’re very lucky to be alive. You and Emma.” The doctor glanced at me. “I’ll give you two a minute.” The doctor turned and left the room. He had warned me that William may not remember the accident, but he assured me that it would most likely be temporary. Head injuries were tricky, though, and they couldn’t guarantee me anything.
I pulled my hands from my pockets and began to wring them together. I was afraid to look William in the eye.
“William…” my voice trailed off.
“Call me Will.” He pushed himself up into a sitting position and raised the bed to meet his back. I cringed at the nickname. That is what his ex-wife used to call him. I wondered if he remembered her, but I was too scared to ask.
“Will… ugh... Do you remember me?” I stole a glance in his direction. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to place me. Tears began to cloud my sight and a swallowed, struggling to push the lump from my throat.
I nodded, knowing the answer. A tear fell down my cheek and I wanted to turn and run away but my feet refused to cooperate.
“Hey, don’t cry. Come here.” He motioned for me to come closer to him. I sat down on the edge of his bed and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. “Shh…” he whispered into my hair as his hand rubbed my back. I held on to him as tight as I could, and let my tears flow freely onto his hospital gown.
“You said you would never forget me,” I sobbed.
He didn’t hold me as if I was his lover. He held me like a stranger comforting a crying child. I felt like an idiot and more importantly, I felt alone. Maybe this was better. I was ready to leave him, now he didn’t know who I was. My heart was crushed. I got exactly what I deserved. I pulled back from him, placing my hand on his chest. He used his hands to push the hair from my face. His stormy blue eyes searched mine as his heart began to beat double time under my fingers. I looked at his chest then back to him. Hoping. The doctor rounded the corner with his clipboard, followed by a nurse holding some sort of medicine.
“Well, looks like you two have been getting reacquainted.” He smiled in my direction but I avoided his gaze and slid off the bed. I backed against the wall as the nurse slid between us and began checking his vitals and gave him the small plastic cup of pills in her hand. The doctor spouted off some information, but I didn’t absorb any of it. My brain was in a fog of sadness.
It took a minute for me to realize the room had fallen silent. I glanced up to see all three sets of eyes on me.
“I’m sorry?” I said, hoping they would repeat the information.
“You will be helping him with his transition at home, correct?”
William’s parents had skipped town for what they deemed as more important things and that only left me. The complete stranger with the broken heart. This should be fun. I wiped the tears from my cheek and nodded. He gave me a small smile and turned back to William.
“Good. All looks well and we should be able to have you out of here in no time.” He smiled again and William thanked him. Soon, we were alone again and the walls felt as if they were closing in on us.
I made myself busy by gathering my things. I dug through my purse and located my keys. Thankfully William’s… Will’s parents had thought ahead and retrieved my car from the pizza joint I had left it at lifetime ago. Back when I still had a life to speak of.
If I thought I was empty before meeting William, it didn’t hold a candle to the aching I felt inside now. The worst part was that I would have to stay by his side and smile at his empty eyes, keeping my pain and sadness to myself. I wanted to scream at him, to tell him everything he had done to me, but I couldn’t. He had a fresh slate, even if it was temporary. This would be the best time for me to leave. When he had no idea that the person he loved was walking out on him. I laughed at myself as my eyes blurred with tears. What was I thinking? How could I walk away from him? He was all I had and I loved him. When I thought I might lose him, I didn’t want to go on myself.
I hated myself for wanting to stay and I hated myself for wanting to abandon him. There was no winning in this situation. I was destined to suffer in sadness. If he remembered, maybe then I would confront him and tell him how hurt I was, but would it matter?
The nurse brought us two trays of food and we sat together in awkward silence. I wanted to probe him further, find out what memories he retained, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If he remembered any woman and not me, it would be the final stab to the heart. I couldn’t take anymore.
I pushed the Salisbury steak around my plate as I watched him devour his food.
“You should eat something.” He smiled as he spoke and a mixture of anger and longing bubbled up inside of me. I cut a small bite and ate it. He smiled again and turned back to his food. His kindness and pleasant demeanor confused me even more. His brain had taken him to more pleasant times. Times that didn’t include me. That hurt.
We finished our meal and only had to deal with doctors a few more times before it was time to get some sleep. I curled up in the small plush chair that offered little in the way of comfort.
“Emma…” William’s voice trailed off and I didn’t ask him to continue his thought.
“Good night,” I whispered and tucked my knees into my chest, allowing exhaustion to win its battle it had fought with me over the past few days.
The next morning could not arrive soon enough. Doctors and nurses floated in and out and eventually they had given us the go ahead to leave the hospital.
I told myself I would drop of William and leave, go back to my aunt’s. I assumed I’d be allowed back in the house by now. The thought terrified me, but the thought of being with William, and him not even knowing who I was, was worse.
I stole glances at him as he stared out the window, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings.
“Not much farther.” I turned down the road towards his place. He looked confused and my heart sank. He needed me. I needed to be there for him.