The next morning when she arrived, Alex was dressed in the clothes she had brought him the day before. The nurse said he was up early, which was probably an indication he was looking forward to going home. Before they left, he wrote a note that he wanted to stop by the clinic. That clinic was his baby and he was proud of it. No big surprise that he would want to visit it before he went home.
At the clinic, he was greeted with enthusiasm by employees and customers. If he was self-conscious about his inability to talk, he gave no indication. Obviously he was comfortable in his own element. Saundra came over to him with a piece of paper written in Spanish and asked if he could translate it for her. He did so swiftly. Whether it was something she actually needed or something she contrived to make him feel needed was irrelevant. The expression on his face as he handed the translation to her said he needed the confidence that moment provided.
Carmen smiled a warm thank you to Saundra and she winked as she turned to walk back to her desk.
They visited for a little while and then Alex placed a hand over the wound.
“Are you hurting?” Carmen asked.
He nodded, pointing to his belt buckle.
“Is it irritating the wound?”
He nodded again. It wasn’t as if he could take it off. He’d lose his pants. Everyone said goodbye when they left and he took the belt off as soon as he got in the car.
“I’m sorry,” Carmen said. “I didn’t think about that when I got your clothes for you.”
He shrugged.
When they walked through the door at the house, she announced that she was going to fix lunch. She only made it a few steps away from him when she felt a tug on her back belt loop. She stopped and turned around, searching his eyes for a purpose. He pulled her into his arms and instantly she knew what he wanted. It was too soon. The doctor said he wouldn’t be able to perform at first. Obviously the doctor had left that bit of information for her to tell him. It wasn’t as if Alex was restricted, so why didn’t the doctor tell him?
Alex pulled her gently against him and kissed her mouth. Nothing was wrong with his ability to do that. And yet, she didn’t respond.
He drew back and looked down at her with troubled eyes, seeking the cause for her lack of response. This was merely a test for him. For the first time, they wouldn’t be making love and it failed to arouse her. He was on a personal quest. Worst of all, it was unsettling to think that he was going to be disappointed.
“I’m afraid it will irritate your wound,” she reasoned.
He smiled and took her hand, leading her to their bedroom. He would find out soon enough. There was no point in telling him.
Later, as she looked down at his sleeping form, she was silently cursing the doctor because his diagnosis was correct, but for the wrong partner. It was no big deal for her, and Alex would probably never know. Yet it had never happened before. But then, always before he had romanced her. This new method was like being intimate with a stranger.
She showered and headed for the kitchen to start lunch. She might as well forget about that problem. Like the first wrinkle, it was inevitable. Worrying would only make it worse. Alex had the answer to a question that was important to him. That was the only thing that mattered at the moment.
Two hours later she was wondering if it had been a good thing after all. Alex was still sleeping. The internet said that a coma was basically a sleep disorder. So, once a person came out of the coma, could they go back into it? And then there was the embarrassing thought of having to call the doctor and explain how he got in that condition.
A half hour later she was leaning over him, listening to him breath. His bare back had lost muscle tone while he was in the hospital, but he wasn’t as thin as she had first thought. He lay on his stomach with his arms out-stretched. He looked so relaxed that she hated to wake him.
“Alex,” she said. He didn’t move. Always before that would have been enough to wake him. She reached out and gently shook his arm. “Alex,” she called louder. He didn’t move. Her pulse quickened and she shook him harder. “Alex!”
He groaned and rolled over. When he looked up at her, his expression was confused. She stared at him. If he could groan, why couldn’t he talk? He rubbed his eyes and sat up, peering at the clock.
“I’m sorry.” She said. “I didn’t want to wake you but you’ve been asleep for over two hours. I was getting worried.”
He stretched and yawned, and then reached for his clothes. His silence reminded her of a time when they were fighting. Even though he was home, she suddenly felt lonely. Maybe his inability to talk was more a case of unwillingness to talk. He glanced up at her, probably seeking a reason for her silence. For a moment they simply looked into each other’s eyes. Love had a way of communicating without words.
She knelt in front of him and stood on her knees, lifting her arms to encompass his neck. His hands found her waist and pulled her close, and then their lips met in a silent declaration of love. His arms surrounded her in a warm gentle embrace that had no urgency. For a long moment they held each other, lost in a sweet moment of oneness.
Finally she drew back and looked into his eyes. “I love you so much,” she whispered, and then sighed. “I’m so glad you’re home.”
His eyes said what his lips could not.
She climbed to her feet. “I left some food in the kitchen. It’s time to go get Destiny. Jonathan will be home from school soon and it would be nice if someone was here for him. Do you feel up to it?”
He nodded enthusiastically and reached for his clothes again. She left him there to dress and sauntered to the door. This must be difficult for him. He was always the one with the pretty words. He always knew what to say to make people feel better – only now he couldn’t talk, and even if he could, he might not be capable of the flowery words. At the door she turned and looked back at him. He was standing, shoving his shirt into his pants, watching her wistfully. She smiled and languidly blew him a kiss. Her small effort was rewarded with a warm sweet smile. If only she would think to be a little more demonstrative more often.
She left him there, wishing she could stay and yet knowing he could use the time alone with Jonathan. Alex and Jonathan had a relationship that required few words. They did talk, but often when she saw them they were silently enjoying each other’s company. They both loved many of the same things – riding, playing soccer on the front lawn, and fishing in the creek.
t was nearly an hour before she returned with Destiny. As she entered the house, Jonathan was headed for his room. Alex walked toward her and it was a minute before Destiny spotted him. When she did, Alex stopped and waited for her reaction. Destiny stared at him for a minute, her expression unreadable. Alex took a step forward and she turned away from him, throwing her arms around Carmen.
Carmen turned around so that she faced him again.
“Look Destiny. It’s Daddy!”
Destiny watched him warily, still clinging to Carmen.
Alex took another step forward, reaching for her and she tried to climb Carmen. When she started fussing, Alex dropped his arms, looking dejected. Right now it would probably help if he could talk to her. Maybe she sensed something different about him – that he was unsure of himself, probably. That certainly wasn’t like Alex.
Carmen held her close. “It’s alright sweetie. Daddy has been sick. He needs you to help him. He can’t talk. Can you talk for him?”
Destiny cowered against her, watching Alex intently.
Carmen looked at him and shrugged. “I think she’s tired. I’ll take her to her room for a while. Did you eat?” At his nod, she turned. “I’ll start supper after a while.”
A few hours later Alex and Jonathan were out doing chores and Carmen was in the kitchen fixing supper. Destiny was in her high chair playing with fruit colored cereal. Carmen was setting the table when Alex and Jonathan came in. Neither of them acted like they noticed Destiny was there, and she only watched them, apparently unconcerned.
Alex turned to Jonathan and pointed at him, then drew a cupped hand down his chest, thumb and fingers toward him.
Jonathan lifted his hand, thumb toward Alex and fingers curled down and rocked it forward and back.
Alex brought one hand up toward his mouth and brought it down to an upturned palm.
Carmen watched them, shocked. “When did you two learn to speak sign language?”
Jonathan beamed. “I learned it in school and I taught him some while we did chores.”
Jonathan had taken the time to learn sign language so that he could talk to Alex and she had kept him away from the hospital. Maybe Alex would have recovered more quickly if he had been there from the start. It was something to remember. She wasn’t in this alone, and it was impossible to shelter the children from it. All she did was isolate the children and Alex. She smiled at Jonathan.
“So, what did you say to each other? You’ll have to teach me some too.”
“Dad asked me if I was hungry and I said yes. Then he said good.”
“Great. Now how do you say go wash up for supper?”
Jonathan frowned as he calculated it out, and then signed. Carmen mimicked him and pointed to both of them. Jonathan disappeared around the corner and Alex started after him.
Destiny squealed and when Alex turned to look at her, she lifted her arms for him to pick her up. If only adults could forgive and forget that way. Alex plucked her from the high chair and walked out of the room with her. Maybe her “hard to get” act wasn’t working, so she was trying something a little more direct. At any rate, it was good to have that over with. More than likely, it was a load off his mind as well.