I turn into his embrace, nuzzling against his neck. “I understand. Your mind can’t process something it has no memory of.”
"I remember the day I lost you with more clarity. Watching you walk away. Andrew was waiting for you at the end of the street."
He says each sentence as if by rote, like he's reading a list from a piece of paper. Horrified, I raise my head to look into his eyes. I never knew that he saw all that. My heart clenches at the blank look on his face but I don't let myself look away. I deserve to see what I did to him.
"Walking away from you was the worst mistake of my life. And I know I said it before but I want you to hear it again. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. But maybe it'll make you feel better to know that I hurt myself, too."
Warmth returns to his eyes. "I thought that was what I wanted. I was wrong. Seeing you in pain just hurts more. All I've ever wanted for you was to see you happy. And now that I have a chance to make that happen, I won't let you get away so easily this time."
We stay like that for a long time where he’s just doing this comforting stroke over my hair and my nose remains buried in his neck. The events of the past day are catching up with me. Andrew always has a way of appearing in my life when I least expect it and I know that Finn is right. He's using the house to keep tabs on me. I wouldn't be surprised if he's getting reports on what I'm doing from the neighbors. They've known him a lot longer than me and I'm clearly the outsider in the neighborhood. Moving out is a necessary step towards breaking the chains of the past.
"You're right," I whisper.
Finn moves back slightly so he can hear me. "Right about what?"
"Moving out. I'm going to get my own place."
He looks around and I shake my head before he can even say it. "I'm not moving in here so don't even say it."
The smirk on his face is my first clue before he says something outlandish. "Since I fired you earlier, maybe you'd be interested in applying for the newest position available here at Casa Finn. I'm looking for a live-in housekeeper. Know anyone?"
Joy bubbles up and I have to squeeze him tighter to contain it. "I haven't even agreed to go on a date yet and you're asking me to move in? Finn, this is crazy."
He pulls me up on my tiptoes for a soft kiss, his eyes going deep and dark in that way I love. "You will be going on a date with me and you'll definitely be moving in here eventually. So you might as well just go ahead and do it now."
"Bossy."
Suddenly he's serious. "I know I'm a lot to take on Ris but there's never going to be anyone else for me."
And how the hell am I supposed to resist that?
"Damn it, Finn. How do you always do that? You can make the craziest thing seem like it's logical." He makes me want to do crazy things with him. Because everything I do with him seems so natural.
"Because you know in your heart it isn't crazy at all. It's just the way things should have always been."
* * * * *
We talk all morning, taking a break only to soak in Finn's oversized jetted tub. Then he decides to try an experiment to see how many times he can get me off using the jet streams and his fingers. It turns out having sex in a Jacuzzi is a thing for a reason.
By the time we get out, we’re both exhausted, dehydrated and wrinkled like raisins. Finn takes his time drying my skin with a big fluffy towel and then wraps me in another one of his robes. I think he just likes seeing his clothes on me. I like it too.
After that, he leads me to the kitchen so he can cook me breakfast. I have to admit to being pleasantly surprised at his hidden talent. He slides a plate across the counter along with a glass of orange juice.
“Breakfast is served. Eat. I don’t want you skipping meals.”
I make a face at him but take a bite of my egg, cheese and tomato omelet. It’s so good I can’t contain a sigh of pleasure. He put a lot of cheese and just a touch of onions and it's divine. I don’t even care that every one of these calories is likely to go straight to my hips. It's amazing what being around Finn even for a short time has done for my body image. He's always been vocal about telling me that he loves my body and that my curves make him hot. When I view myself through his eyes, I stop focusing on every little flaw and see the big picture. That he loves me just the way I am.
"You've picked up quite a few skills since the old days. I know you couldn't cook before," I tease.
"After I moved in here, I got tired of ordering in. It's been fun to experiment and try some different things. Tank's girlfriend gave me a few recipes to start off with. She's a pretty good cook."
"I can't wait to meet her. Any girl that can make your brother admit that he likes cuddling sounds like my kind of girl."
"Can you get some time off today?" Finn asks before he takes my plate and puts it in the dishwasher.
I think about it. One of our contracts is for a small boutique that's closed on Fridays. Tracy usually handles that one and she's mentioned to me before that she would love to get more hours. Usually it's only an issue because I prefer not to send the girls out to big contracts without supervision. But Tracy has been with us for almost two years and she's always been reliable. Maybe some of our staffing issues can be solved if I learn to trust a bit more.
"It's possible, why?"