“I don’t want anyone else,” he told her, the tears that he fought so hard to keep from her breaking free. “I don’t need anyone else, Beth. You’re it for me.”
What Beth had not understood was that there wasn’t enough room in his heart for anyone else and Elijah feared there never would be. Beth was all he wanted. All he needed. Even if he only had her memory now.
Elijah would have said he would give anything to have her back, but he still remembered the last two years of her life. The terrible suffering that she endured while she and the doctors did everything in their power to beat the cancer that had eaten away at her brain.
He would never want that for her again and ultimately, he knew she was in a much better place. To want her to have to suffer just so he could have her with him would’ve been selfish.
And that was one thing Elijah wasn’t.
As far as he was concerned, he had already experienced the greatest pleasure that life had to offer. He was married to the most wonderful woman to grace the planet. And yes, he still considered them married. They would be until the day he died and went to join her.
Until then, Elijah just had to keep on moving along. Just like he told Beth he would. And tonight, he fully intended to look forward to what the future might hold. Because until he could be with Beth again, he knew he had to do what was necessary to be as happy as he could be.
After all, he had made a promise to Beth.
Chapter Two
Samantha spent more time getting ready than she knew was necessary, but no amount of talking to herself had seemed to calm her.
She was... antsy.
Yes, antsy. That was probably the best word to describe the way she had been feeling for the last hour. Her restlessness seemed to be brought on by a mixture of nerves and anticipation. Mixed with a miniscule amount of confusion and uncertainty.
In a word, she was a mess.
A short while ago, after she and Logan had finished dinner and Sam was cleaning the kitchen, Logan had excused himself to make a call. Sam had instantly assumed the call was work related. When he came back into the kitchen to tell her he wanted to take her to Devotion again tonight, she’d realized he hadn’t been talking business.
At first, she’d been confused. They had just gone the night before and going several days in a row generally wasn’t his M.O.
Rather than question Logan’s sudden interest in going again, Sam had immediately acquiesced. Especially after she noticed the hunger that had returned to his eyes.
Whoever had been on the other end of that call had brought about the spontaneous request to go to the club and that intrigued her.
Sam had a feeling it was the dark haired man with the golden eyes from the night before. The man that Logan had seemed to want to introduce her to, but had disappeared before that opportunity arose. Her gut was telling her that Logan hadn’t just come up with the plan on his own. Sure, they were frequent visitors to the club – first Club Destiny, now Devotion – but not like this. Not as a nightly ritual.
To be honest, Sam hadn’t expected to go back to Devotion at all. At least not for a while. Not after the conversation she and Logan had shared on the drive in to the office last Wednesday.
“Are you interested in what you saw last night, baby?” Logan asked.
“Are you referring to the watching? Or are you asking if I’d like to try something like that?” she asked.
“Participating.”
Sam wasn’t sure how to explain herself. She was so confused about what was going on that she had a hard time putting all of the pieces together herself, much less coming up with a way to discuss it with Logan. She really needed more answers from him before she could put words to what she was feeling. She simply said, “I think it would be interesting to try.”
“Interesting?”
Sam didn’t answer him. She didn’t know what to say so she just waited him out, hoping they could change the subject. At least until she could get her thoughts together.
“Is this BDSM stuff something you’re interested in?” she finally asked when they were halfway to the office.
“Depends. I could be persuaded into trying.”
Sam turned to face him more fully. He sounded as though he would need as much, if not more, encouragement than she would to move forward with it. It only added to her confusion. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
“Talk to me, Sam.”
God, she was frustrated. And confused. She felt as though Logan was trying to coax her into wanting the BDSM stuff, but she wasn’t convinced that he was really all that into it. Which didn’t make sense.
“I don’t even know how to explain it.”