“You took his name?”
She nodded, and then shrugged before she turned away. “He wanted that. I wanted my daughter to have a piece of her daddy. And of her aunt. Stupid, I know, considering that I haven’t wanted anything to do with your family. But whatever. I came here to tell you not to blame Jesse. I threatened him if he told you about us. I knew Ethan hadn’t. I threatened him too. Both of them wanted you to know, but I couldn’t handle it. Not then, anyway. I can barely handle it now.”
I was struck speechless.
And then I realized how beautiful this girl was. She had almond eyes with freckles over her complexion. A small mouth was adorned with pastel pink lips. When she turned in the sun, her hair framed her face. It gave her the illusion of a halo. I knew why my brother had fallen for this girl. She was an angel. In his romantic ideal, that’s why he loved her. If she had the kindness that I figured she must’ve, Ethan would’ve made this woman his wife. Being torn apart from her gave me some understanding of why he did what he did.
If only he had fought. If only he had stood against our father.
“Listen, uh…” She brushed at her eye.
Alexi turned back. She hunched down between her shoulders before she darted back to her mother’s shoulders. She was playing peek-a-boo with me.
I tried to keep from grinning too much.
Her mom took on a serious tone. “Jesse’s been begging me to tell you about Alexi, but I refused. I thought you were like your parents and I don’t want them anywhere near her.”
I nodded.
“And, uh…” she turned away again. Her throat was trembling and she bit her lip again. “Anyway, I threatened Jesse. I knew about all of the affairs Malcolm had when he was married to Evelyn. My dad worked with Malcolm for years. I said I’d go to the press and ruin his mom’s memory if he said anything to you. To give him credit, I think he stayed quiet out of loyalty to Ethan, but I knew it was hurting him. He loves you. He always had. Ethan talked about it. I was sick and tired of hearing him moan about his best friend and his sister. Once we got pregnant, he stopped caring so much about that. But anyway. God, what am I doing here? That’s right.” She hoisted her daughter higher up, adjusting for a better hold on her. “So this is your niece. Alexandra Claira Connors. I’m a sap.” She gave her daughter a soft smile, one that showed her love and she tucked some of Alexi’s curls behind her ear. “Ethan wanted her named after you and I gave her my name. That’s how we started talking, about you. He said your middle name was my first name. But I gave her different spelling. I wanted her to be different. Special. Oh my word.” She fanned herself. “I’m just rambling. I’m so nervous. You’re not what I thought you’d be.”
My own nervousness came out. I couldn’t even laugh normally now.
Her eyes pinned to mine. She heard it and relaxed. She was able to breathe normal again. “So, uh, what now? Do you want to be her godmother?”
My eyes got big again. My chest was starting to hurt, too much to speak.
It wasn’t a problem. Claire kept going, “I know it’s late. Three years late, almost, but we’re having a birthday party at my mom’s. She helps her out a lot. I live with her and go to the community college in Clarkson. That’s where we live. I do what I can. I’d love if you and Jesse would come. Please not your mom. Your mother hasn’t stopped calling me for the last two months. I can’t handle it anymore. I think that’s another reason why I came here. Can you talk to her? Although Jesse said you don’t see them either. I think that’s when I decided to reach out. Maybe you’re not like them. Ethan always said you weren’t. He said you were so kind and so gentle. He said you’re nice. There are so many people who aren’t nice. So many people are so selfish, but I can see he was right. And I’m kicking myself for not listening to him. I was so mad at your family. Then I was mad at Ethan. We broke up and he never tried to see me—”
My hand grasped her arm. “He did.”
“What?” She fell silent.
“He did. Jesse called him when you gave birth. He was coming to see you.” I swallowed back the pain. “I think he was coming to save himself too.” I never said those words to Jesse, but I wondered. It felt right to say it to her now.
Her bottom lip started trembling. Her throat strained and I could tell she was trying not to lose it. Then she rushed out, “Can you take her?”
“What?”
But Alexi came to me willingly. Her mother turned away. A hand was pressed to her mouth and she walked a few steps away. As her shoulder started shaking, I knew what she was doing and I turned to give my niece the brightest smile I could muster. “You’re so pretty!”
A toothy smile was my reward. Little fingers reached out and she grabbed hold of my cheeks and started yanking my face back and forth. It was the best feeling. Her eyes darkened and she grew serious then. Leaning forward, she plucked at my lip. My hair was attacked next. I didn’t care. She could yank all she wanted.
When Claire remained away, still crying and wiping at her face, I took Alexi to a nearby bench. I was bouncing her on my knee when I heard my name called out. Hannah and Beth waved and came over. Beth frowned at the little girl. When she reached for her, Beth took two staggering steps backwards. The little girl grew more determined, but grabbed Hannah’s knee instead.
Hannah gestured at her. “Who’s the kid?”