“Were we before?”
She lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. Yeah, I think you were. Angie hated it.”
I know. My heart sunk to my stomach. I remembered how much she hated that I was with Jesse. “She just didn’t want me hurt.”A dark look stopped any other words from spilling. Marissa shook her head. “I cannot believe that you’re defending her, after what she did to you.”
I shook my head. Nope. I wasn’t going to do this. “I’m going to go.” The tornado was back in me and it was picking up speed. I could not be here, not with her and definitely not with Jesse’s ex-girlfriend so close to prey on him.
“Okay. Stop.” She grabbed my hand. I pulled it away and started after Jesse, towards the music. “Please, stop. Alex. Come on. I really do want to talk to you.”
“Why?” I rounded on her, a strangled note in my voice.
She braked and her eyebrows shot up. From my intensity, she fell back, then her eyebrows bunched together and a determined look came over. Her shoulders squared back and her chin steadied itself before she nodded. “Okay. I get it. I messed up as a friend. I ditched you—”
“Twice.”
Silence fell between us like a heavy blanket. It was suffocating and sweltering. I wanted to fold underneath it and disappear into the ground. I forced myself to keep calm. My insides were twisting and turning, but I drew in a deep breath and hoped it would calm the chaos down.
“Okay.” Her voice had dropped to a soft whisper. “And I’m sorry for both of those times.”
I shook my head. This wasn’t even right. Marissa had dumped our friendship, but she hadn’t been the one who ran like I had grown horns. That’d been Angie. A tremor went through me as I remembered that last day. They had come to say goodbye. Justin had always been there, alongside his girlfriend, but he had stayed in his truck that day. He couldn’t even muster a goodbye in person. Angie hadn’t taken two steps inside my house. She seemed ready to crap her pants at an invitation from me.
Their goodbyes had lasted five minutes. Five minutes from the two that I had considered as close to my family as I could get.
“Stop, Marissa.”
I wasn’t going to hang my head in shame. I had done nothing wrong, but I knew she was getting ready to unburden her soul and that wasn’t right. Marissa had just gone away. That was all she had done. She’d been my best friend. She dumped me when she fought with Angie, and then she apologized at a party towards the end of the school year. That’d been it. Nothing more from the second person I considered a best friend all my life.
“What is it?”
“Just stop. You don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Apologize. That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?” A bitter taste was in my mouth and I couldn’t get rid of it.
Her lips clamped shut and she gazed at me. Her eyes were wide and they barely blinked. I felt her studying me, slipping inside how Jesse did at times. It was an uncomfortable feeling and one I wanted to shed, like a second skin. I wanted it off me.
“Stop,” I snapped this time.
She blinked. Once. Then she murmured, “You think I’m apologizing for ditching you, don’t you?”
“Aren’t you?”
One shake of the head.
My heart dropped. There was so much more in her gaze and my chest swelled. I didn’t know if I was ready for whatever else she was going to say.
The wind shifted. It grazed against my cheeks, but there was moisture on them as well. I glanced up idly, had it started raining? There were no drops in the sky.
She started out, cautious at first, “I knew what was going on last year.”
My heart plunged all the way to my feet now. She knew. I hadn’t thought anyone knew.
“I worked in the counselor’s office as a teacher’s assistant.” At my look, she explained, “I never said anything. I didn’t want you guys to make fun of me or god forbid, be proud of me. I know. I know. Stupid of me, but I know you and Angie thought I was only some party hussy who could hold her own. I wasn’t. I was messed up. I know that much, but I wanted more.”
She’d gone after Jesse. She slept with Cord instead. Then she dated Eric, only to cheat on him with Cord. Again.
She was right about some of it.
I tucked all that away. That wasn’t the same girl in front of me. Marissa had changed. Sarah had always seemed perfect and now she was another catty bitch. Even Cord changed.
I had changed.
Did nothing stay the same?
“Look,” Marissa kept going. “I was unhappy last year and I was jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“Of you and Angie. You two are so close—you two were so close. I was left out all the time. I know Angie called me a slut behind my back. She said it to my face all the time. I messed up. I went after Jesse when I knew you two had a thing. And then Eric was going to ask you out and I got to him first. Then I became friends with Sarah.” She waved in her direction. “And look how she’s turned out.”
I frowned. “Yeah, she seemed so perfect last year. Now she’s…”
Marissa grinned. “Vapid? Shallow? Insecure? Because she’s all three of them. I think she thought if she stayed nice and perfect last year then Jesse would come back.”
I shifted on my feet and shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. Turning away, I muttered, “Yeah, well, they dated for three years.”