He turned to look at her and Kay shivered. There was nothing of the man she knew in that gaze. He looked like he was a million miles away, reliving whatever it was he saw in his head. And whatever he saw was bleak.
“We did this many times,” he finally continued. “Breaking into criminals’ homes and places of business. Taking their money and destroying their stashes of drugs and weapons. We were like modern-day Robin Hoods, stealing from the rich to help the poor. It was a powerful feeling.”
Despite his strong words, Kay could sense his fear and his shame. He glanced over at her then, and she leaned forward, worried that he’d stop talking.
“What happened then?”
“It was about six months after I’d joined the group that I discovered the truth. We were living in this hovel on the south side of D.C. I hadn’t seen anyone in my family during that entire time. The group discourages you from staying in contact with anyone you knew before. The Circle becomes your family. You live together, work together, and play together. It was hard, but we were doing important work. The police couldn’t help people the way we did. We weren’t bound by the rules of law. If a woman got beat up by her pimp, what was she going to do, call the cops? She’d end up getting arrested. But we could help. I regret a lot of things from back then, but not that. Beating the hell out of any man who puts his hands on a woman is something I’ll never feel guilty about.”
Kay agreed. She wrapped her arms around her middle. He looked so fierce while he was telling his story, but this was the side of Eli she was used to. The protector. The one who took care of her and would never let her come to harm.
“You shouldn’t. It sounds like you were just trying to protect people.”
He cringed and ran his hands over his head. “Yeah, I’m making us out to be real heroes. See, the thing is while we were playing Robin Hood, we had no idea what was going on behind the scenes. The girls we liberated? They were simply sold to someone else. The drugs we stole? They weren’t destroyed the way I thought. That was how the group leaders made enough money to fund our activities. I thought I was taking from criminals but I was working for criminals. I was a foot soldier in a war that I wasn’t even aware of. When I think of the girls I delivered to them…”
His voice broke and he pressed his palms over his eyes. He turned in the opposite direction and wouldn’t look at her for a minute. Tears welled in Kay’s own eyes, but she dashed them away with the back of her hand, afraid that if he saw them he’d interpret it as horror at what he’d been a part of.
Or worse. Pity.
He cleared his throat and glanced at her before continuing. “We were busted by the FBI and I was picked up in the raid. Most of the guys I’d lived with and trained with were killed fighting back. I was captured alive and held for weeks while they tried to ferret out the head of the group. Once they realized they’d captured a lower-level member, I was able to cut a deal. In exchange for telling them everything I knew and cooperating with their investigation, I was able to avoid jail. I’m still helping them to this day. It feels like I’m still under investigation sometimes.”
“That sounds miserable. Isn’t there a time limit that you can be held accountable?”
“There is no statute of limitations on domestic terrorism charges,” Eli stated.
“Oh, I see.”
“Do you?” Eli got up and then knelt on the floor in front of her. “My life isn’t my own. I work and I sleep. I spend each and every day trying to make up for the consequences of a decision I made almost a decade ago.”
She squeezed his hands. “It sounds like you’ve done everything you could.”
“No matter how much I’ve done, it’ll never be enough.”
KAY SAT QUIETLY, watching him with her big innocent eyes. It was a killer to have to be this close to her and not touch her. But he didn’t want to scare her or make her feel uncomfortable, especially now that she knew everything.
“You can ask questions if you want to,” he offered. It would probably be easier to get it all out at once.
“What happened to Justice?” She reached over and grabbed his hand. “Did he survive?”
“Yeah. He was picked up by the FBI and held for questioning, too. I ask about him sometimes. Check on him.” Even though he had to do it discreetly. One of the major provisions of his release was having no further contact with anyone in the organization. If Agent Harris ever found out about it, he’d probably assume that Eli was still a member and ferrying information back and forth.
“I’m not surprised. Even though he got you into something horrible, you still thought of him as a friend.”
“Yeah, I did. Stupid, but I did. He wasn’t cooperative with the authorities, so he ended up serving jail time. He won’t get out until next year.” He squeezed her hand, stunned that she still wanted to be close to him.
“What about your family? You said you left them behind.”
“My parents thought I was traveling. To this day, they have no idea what happened to me during that ‘lost’ year. I never told my brothers either. They all probably think I had some kind of breakdown.”
“That’s not what I meant. I was asking how you could leave them. What could have possibly happened to make you want to leave your family behind?”
“You’re the first person to ever ask me that. The only one who could see inside me and figure out that there was more to the story.”