It kills me to do it this way, but since you didn’t come back home I have to. Waiting around any longer than I have isn’t an option. I can’t function with the way my mind is right now. Look at this note. My hand is shaking so badly, I can barely write these words.
I don’t know what’s going to happen to me if I don’t find something solid in my life. I want to believe that we had something real Hunter. Maybe if things hadn’t happened this way we could have worked things out, but I have to leave now. If I stay here any longer I might not make it.
I’m so sorry I can’t explain more, but it would be unfair to involve you in this now. I’m not going to do that.
Please don’t think this is about you. You were the happiest thing in my life, and I’m sorry I have to hurt you like this.
I wish life had treated us differently.
-Lorrie
I read over what I wrote as best I could through the tears blurring my vision. A warm bead dropped down onto the note. I dabbed it away with my finger, and read again. He wouldn’t be happy when he read the note, but hopefully he would understand with time.
Note in hand, I went into the kitchen. A small body brushed up against my leg. I looked down and saw Hunter’s favorite kitten, Rampage. He was looking up at me with eyes wide, his ears down. I crouched and gave him some pets behind the ears, still sniffling, but it didn’t seem to cheer him up. It was like he knew I was leaving.
After taking a deep breath and looking at the letter one more time, I folded it in half, wrote Hunter’s name on the outside, and set it on his kitchen counter where he could see it easily. Once I was done, I packed up, said one last goodbye to the kittens, and walked out feeling emotionally exhausted .
The cold winter air stung my tear-stained face as I left the apartment. I hurried down the forest path toward Floyd Hall. It was the same path Hunter had given me a piggyback ride through after he’d saved me from drowning. That happened on the day we first met.
That day seemed so long ago now.
Chapter Twenty-six
TIME
By the time I got back to the dorm, it was almost eleven. Daniela was sitting on the futon watching TV when I came in. She turned around and muted the TV.
“Where have you been?” she asked, concern tingeing her voice.
I shut the door separating the suite from the hallway. “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t return my calls. What happened?”
“Sorry, I dropped my phone and it broke,” I said weakly. “Can I sit down?”
She scooted over to make room for me on the futon, and I collapsed into it. “I broke up with Hunter today,” I said somberly.
“Why? What happened?”
I took a deep breath. “I went to the coffee shop to do some sketching and overheard these two girls talking about how one of their friends had seen Hunter and Ada together recently. The girl said they were going into the health center. I told you before that he’d gone totally missing since last week, and I didn’t know where he was so I didn’t know what to think.”
Daniela tilted her head to the side. “Okay, that sounds crazy. What did you do?”
“I was frustrated and left to get away from them. You know, I just don’t have the energy for gossip and everything. But sure enough, as I was walking by the health center guess who comes out?”
She recoiled. “Hunter?”
“And Ada.”
“No way. What did you say?”
I told her the story of how I’d confronted Hunter and the fight with Ada. She gasped as I related the details of the screaming match and the people who had stopped to watch. Remembering the experience made me feel queasy.
“And Hunter did nothing?” she asked when I was done.
“Not until Ada bumped me as she walked away. Then he said he wanted to talk to me, but he chased after her instead. Before that he seemed kind of not all there.”
“Wow. I didn’t think Ada was such a psycho. So what do you think was going on with him and Ada?”
“No idea. I went over to his place to wait for him so that we could talk, but he never showed up. My bus is leaving tomorrow and I couldn’t call him, so I left him a note.” I bit my lip in frustration. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, but now it was done. I’d be on my way to Indiana tomorrow morning and I’d probably never come back.
Just thinking about the fact that I would probably never see Hunter again brought fresh tears welling to my eyes.
Daniela’s eyes widened. “Wait, why does that mean you had to leave a note? I thought you were only going back to your Aunt’s for a break. Does this mean you’re not coming back?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry Daniela. You’ve made this semester as good for me as you could; I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “—but I think I have to withdraw from the semester. With everything going on, the letter from Marco, me flunking all those exams, and this thing with Hunter . . . I—I don’t think I can stay here.”
She patted my hand to console me and gave me a tissue. I blew my nose into it.
“So what now?” she asked.
“I don’t know, I might take another semester off? Maybe take classes online when I feel ready? Obviously what’s happening right now isn’t working.”
“Do you think you’ll ever talk to Hunter? You know, to get closure? You guys were crazy about each other.”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know what to think about Hunter anymore. Maybe he did something with Ada, maybe he didn’t, but it’s clear that he’s hiding something serious from me. I don’t know what he’s dealing with, but my mind is so messed up right now that I just can’t sort everything out. I wish we could have talked, but I couldn’t keep waiting for him.”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “You have to take care of yourself first. Even if Hunter has some stuff going on, he could have at least found some way to explain things.”
I nodded, wiping my nose. “Thanks Daniela . . . for everything.”
“Hey, don’t worry. You should get some rest for your trip tomorrow. I’ll see you off in the morning.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Okay. Good night.”
I got up to go back to my room.
“Hey Lorrie?” she said. “Can I come visit you over Spring Break?”
I smiled, “Yeah, of course. I think Aunt Caroline would like to see you too.”
“Great!”
I went back into my room and started packing my clothes thinking that maybe this was a blessing in disguise. I’d be safe with Aunt Caroline and Uncle Stewart, and Daniela would be coming by to visit. Maybe all I needed was just some more time to sort myself out.
Chapter Twenty-seven
SECOND TRY
The bus station was depressing. Its concrete walls were painted a bland beige, and the mix of wood-panel benches and mustard-colored vinyl seats—that might have been modern in the eighties—looked like relics now. I had said my tearful goodbye to Daniela in the morning and caught a cab to the bus station.
I was sitting on the bench trying to keep my mind blank instead of wondering if Hunter had read the note I left him. At 8:30AM, half an hour before the bus was scheduled to leave, I heard an announcement crackling over the intercom.