“Emmy . . .” My name was a broken murmur; his voice, raw and husky. “You can’t look at me like that with those pretty gray eyes.” His thumb caressed my cheek. “It brings back too many memories.” He leaned in closer, his lips brushing the outer shell of my ear. “It makes me want to take you to bed and fuck you until you scream my name.”
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t. My voice had failed me. Cognitive thought had failed, too. Acting on instinct, I placed my palm against his cheek, skimming my fingers lightly across his stubble-roughened skin.
His breathing hitched.
I wasn’t saying no. I wasn’t saying yes.
Ben’s eyes roamed to my mouth.
He wanted to kiss me.
I wanted to forget all the fucked up things that had happened and capture what we’d lost. I bit my bottom lip, letting my teeth pull against the tender flesh. Ben growled and his mouth came down on mine. His kiss was frenzied, his tongue stroking mine in a desperate way.
His mouth left mine only to travel down my throat, his tongue leaving damp kisses along my sensitive skin. His hand traveled north from my waist, moving under my shirt to press against my side. His thumb skittered along the underside of my bra but he didn’t go any farther. My heart thundered in my chest, waiting for him to make contact with my achy breasts.
“Emmy . . . tell me this is okay . . . I need to be inside you baby, so bad. . . .”
My sex clenched with his admission. I didn’t know where we stood, didn’t care. I wanted him just as badly. Wanted him to chase away all the hurt and confused feelings, and nothing would do that better than feeling his body overtake mine with raw lust and sensation.
His hazel eyes burned with passion. “If you want me to stop, tell me now.”
I stayed quiet, afraid of what I might say.
Ben lifted me like I weighed nothing at all, securing one arm under my legs and the other around my back, and carried me to his bedroom.
His room was spacious with a king-sized bed in the center, dressed in slate-gray sheets with plenty of fluffy pillows. The last of the sunlight was fading, giving the room a pretty, pink glow.
A cozy-looking, leather armchair was pushed into the corner and had several copies of Vogue scattered around it on the floor. But best of all, it smelled like the crisp, masculine scent of his cologne.
He lowered me to the bed carefully and sat on the edge. His fingers tugged at the hem of my shirt and I dutifully lifted my arms so he could remove it. After a flick of the clasp at my back, he slid my bra straps down my arms, disposing of my bra on the floor at the foot of the bed.
Ben’s eyes left mine to roam down my naked chest. He sunk to his knees in front of me and pressed a soft kiss to my belly. Then his eyes lifted to mine and he began peeling my yoga pants down my hips, taking my panties with them. I lifted up a bit off the bed, and he slowly slid the clothing down my legs, removing it completely. I was exposed and vulnerable, but I didn’t feel that way. His darkened gaze looked over me hungrily, making me feel beautiful and desired. I wanted him to touch me, to put his mouth and hands on me, but he just knelt in front of me, watching my eyes with his hungry gaze.
“Ben,” I whispered, unsure of how to ask for what I wanted. His hands captured my hips and he forced me to lay back against the bed, but I supported myself on my elbows, unsure what he was about to do. Ben crawled up my body, tugging his shirt off quickly. His warm skin pressed against mine and I gripped his strong shoulders. His lips pressed against my collarbone, the top of my chest, my upper arm. He trailed gentle kisses all over my skin, my breasts tingling in wait for him.
Finally his mouth kissed along the swell of my breast, his fingertips making feather-light touches around my nipples. He pressed my breasts together, admiring the generous cleavage it created, and brought his head down to lick and nip at my sensitive nipples. I let out a throaty cry. I didn’t know just how this could feel so good.
I squirmed beneath him, desperate to grind my center against him. But Ben was relentless. He licked and sucked at my breasts until I was writhing and moaning his name. Then he lifted his head and a tiny smile danced in his eyes, like somehow the sound of me moaning his name was his goal all along. Like it somehow made this moment more real.
I sat up and tugged ruthlessly at his belt, fighting to get his pants off. Ben, seemingly in no hurry, lifted onto his knees so I was face level with his groin. My trembling fingers finally succeeded in undoing his pants and I tugged them and his boxer briefs down his hips. He was rock hard and swollen. And even bigger than I remembered. His heavy length stood ready and waiting for me. Leaning forward, I took him in my mouth, sucking at him greedily, gripping him with both hands. As soon as my mouth closed around him, we each groaned. Ben’s palms brushed my cheeks as he watched me work, his eyes half mast and filled with desire.
“Fuck, baby. You give such good head.” I licked all along his shaft, letting him watch the sexy way I was kissing his most sensitive part. I felt like I must be doing something right because he groaned low in his throat, his body making little thrusts into my mouth. “Emmy, ah . . . fuck . . . fuck . . .” He pressed deep to the back of my throat and I felt a warm rush signaling his release.
Still kneeling, he came down on top of me, pressing my back into the mattress once again.
Even after he’d come, he was still rock hard and I felt him nudging against my lower stomach.
His fingertips lightly circled my sensitive clit as he whispered sweet and dirty things in my ear. “You’re so wet for me, baby. . . . Good girl . . . I want to fuck you so bad. . . .”
I whimpered as the pleasure built inside me. Taking him in my hand, I guided him to my entrance. Ben let out a throaty groan as the head of his cock met my warmth. I froze then scrambled toward the headboard and away from him.
His eyes widened. “Emmy?”
I shook my head slowly. “Condom . . . you have to wear a condom.”
His brow knit in confusion. We hadn’t used condoms in months, ever since we’d had the talk.
“I haven’t been with anyone else, baby. Have you?”
I shook my head. Of course I hadn’t. But he had. “Ben . . . you were with Fiona. I don’t trust it. I need you to wear one.”
His eyes dropped from mine to the rumpled sheets. “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath. After a long silent moment, Ben went into the bathroom, leaving me alone on the bed, giving me time to cool off and think. Neither of which were good. I just wanted to lose myself in the moment and not be reminded of all the crappiness of the past couple of months.
I lay still, trying to quiet my thoughts, to silence the doubts rushing in. I was already falling back into him, pulled into his bubble, consumed and unable to walk away. And I couldn’t regret that. This is exactly where I wanted to be.
He emerged a minute later carrying a box of condoms. He met my eyes and I knew he could read my reluctance. I was sure it was written all over my face. Perhaps jumping into bed with him was the exact wrong thing to do. I’d once told him that starting off a relationship with sex would never work. It needed to be built on something stronger in order to last. But the scent of his skin and the way that he touched me was almost enough to make me forget any and all rules. He was too tempting.
He approached the side of the bed then paused, waiting for my lead.
My brain, now working a bit more clearly, knew that this wasn’t the solution. I couldn’t fall into bed with him so easily again and expect our steamy hot sex to blossom into a real, trusting relationship. I lifted my chin and met his eyes. “If we’re going to do this . . . there can’t be anymore hiding things from me. I need brutal honesty between us.”
“There’s no if. We’re doing this, baby. You’re mine.” He stepped closer, tipping my chin up to meet his eyes.
The haunted man I’d grown to care so much about stared back at me. I didn’t argue.
“I think we should take things slow,” I murmured, a statement made all the more awkward by the fact that we were both naked.
“Fuck going slow. I love you. I’m in love with you, and I need you. I’m going to spend every day showing you just how much you mean to me. I’m not letting you go without a fight this time. We belong together.”