Without You

She stopped at Banjo’s stall and smiled at me. “You feel like a nighttime ride? It’s still pretty warm out.”

I grinned and nodded my head. “Sure. You want me to saddle up two horses?”

She shook her head. “Nah, I’ve been riding Banjo bareback. Do you mind riding him with me?”

My heart slammed against my chest at the thought of being so close to her. “That sounds good to me,” I said as my voice cracked.

Lex attached the reins to Banjo’s bridle and led him out of the barn. She looked over her shoulder at me. “Can you help me up?”

I knew damn well she could get up on him by herself, but I played along. The moment my hands touched her body, I felt it. It was the same sensation that always ran through my body whenever I touched her.

She adjusted herself and winked at me. I grabbed her hand and jumped up behind her. Banjo was a big paint horse—sixteen hands and built like a machine. I’d never seen a horse love a person as much as Banjo loved Lex.

She rode out of the barn and down the trail leading to the river. We rode along in silence. I took in every single detail of her—her smell, what she was wearing, how her hair was pulled up, the way she rode her horse in perfect form. I loved everything about her, and I always would.

Lex brought Banjo to a stop and stared out over the river. “I love it here so much.”

I followed her gaze. “Yeah, so do I.”

I slid off the side of Banjo and helped Lex down. Having her in my arms was bringing out so many emotions.

“I’d ask if you wanted to sit down on a log, but—”

She hit the side of my arm and smiled. “Colt or Luke?”

I laughed. “Both filled me in. I’m so sorry, baby, um…Lex.”

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, her tears about dropped me to my knees.

“I’ve never been confused about my love for you, Will—not once. I won’t stand here and make excuses because I know my actions hurt you, but you have to believe me when I say nothing, absolutely nothing, happened between Blake and me. Would I change things if I could go back? Yes…and no.”

I tilted my head and looked at her.

“I learned something through all of this. I need to start thinking for myself. I need to stop listening to my father’s voice in my head and start listening to my own voice. And us being apart helped me find that voice within. The last few weeks have been hell, but the time apart has opened my eyes as well.”

I swallowed hard. She’s moving on without me.

“I’m glad you found yourself, Lex. I’m really happy for you.” I turned and started walking toward the river. My heart felt like it had just been ripped from my chest and stomped on.

“Do you know what it’s been like?” she asked from behind me.

I let out a sigh. “What has what been like?”

“My life without you.”

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

“It’s been empty, completely empty.”

I turned slowly and looked at her. “What? You just said—”

“I said, I learned to hear my own voice, Will. I learned to stand up and make my own decisions. One of those decisions is to leave UT at the end of this school year. I’m transferring schools.”

My head was spinning, and my knees felt weak. “Where are you going?”

She smiled as she walked up to me and placed her hands on my chest. “Where I belong. With you.”

I looked at her with a confused expression on my face. “Lex, are you saying…”

She giggled and nodded her head. “Yes, both Grace and I are going to A&M next year.”

I just stood there, stunned. “Lex, I don’t…I don’t…you’re coming to A&M?”

She smiled bigger. “Being without you, Will, is no longer an option. I love you. I want to be with you. When I’m not with you, a part of myself is missing.”

“Lex…” I pulled her closer to me and placed my hands on the sides of her face. “I love you so much. I’ve been so lost, completely and utterly lost, without you.”

I pressed my lips to hers, and we both let out soft, low moans. I picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around me as our kiss began turning more passionate.

“I need to feel you, Will. Please, please make love to me.”

I bumped into Banjo, who just turned his head and looked at me. I set Lex down and began unbuttoning my pants. Then, it dawned on me.

I shook my head. “We can’t. I don’t have a condom.”