Throwing back the covers, he dressed and headed for the door, flinging it open. His heart slammed to his stomach when he saw the suitcase in the foyer.
He called to her. No response, so he went to her room, then the kitchen. He found her sitting at the table, staring into her coffee cup.
"What the hell is that?" He flung his hand in the direction of the suitcase.
"I got a call this morning. I'm needed at St. Anthony's this week. Tomorrow, in fact."
"You were going to leave without saying goodbye?"
"No."
"Bull."
Her gaze jerked up. "Please don't make this harder, Nash."
"Dammit, Hayley, I will make it harder. You're leaving me."
Her heart cracked, a piece falling away as each moment passed. She tried to sip her coffee and found she couldn't swallow, so she set it aside.
She stood. "See this?" She shoved the envelope she'd received yesterday across the table. "I'm obligated. I wagered my future as a doctor, my salary, and now it's time to pay the bills."
"I could take care of that in a heartbeat."
"I don't want you to. It's not your career, it's mine!"
"That's what sharing a life is all about. We give what the other needs."
"Well, I wouldn't know about sharing, Nash, since I've been alone most of my life."
"We can change that."
"Not now, we can't! I signed a contract. I have to go!" Her lip trembled and tears spilled. "Please don't fight me on this."
"I love you."
"I love you, too, but it's not enough and you deserve better."
"Are you telling me to go find someone else who will stay in the kitchen? For pity's sake, Hayley, do you really think that's how I see a wife?" He plowed his fingers through his hair. "You're not giving us a chance."
She shook her head, backing away. "Don't say it. Please don't. You know I can't think that far ahead and it's mean." An invisible fist squeezed her heart. The other night at the ball he'd revealed his true feelings, and the declaration of "all or nothing" told her how little she could give and how much he wanted. Being here a moment longer, she'd weaken and later regret it. She had just as much at risk. And her look told him a proposal did not fix anything between them.
He was staring at the bills when he heard her heavy shuddering sigh. He glanced up, but her face was turned away. Her fingers worried the edge of the counter.
Suddenly she moved to the sink, pouring out her coffee and rinsing the cup. She stilled before she put it in the dishwasher. How could such a simple act make her hurt so much? she thought.
He crossed the room and caught her arm. "Baby, don't close me out."
She made a sound, weary and hopeless, but refused to look at him. "I have to. You're the one making demands you know I can't meet."
"That's because I want you to stay. I want you in my life."
She turned on him, her anger rising with the heat in her voice. "You want." More tears shimmered in her eyes. "Well, you got what you wanted years ago. You made your choice and I wasn't it. You thought of yourself and duty, and never once thought of me, Nash."
"That's not true." He pushed his fingers through his hair. "God, Hayley, there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of you."
"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? 'Cause I don't." She looked away, swallowing. When she spoke again, her voice was strained. "What about what I need now, Nash?" She faced him. "I'm in your life, in your house, your bed… I love you, I love your children. How much deeper can I get?"
"As deep as I can get you."
Her expression turned bitter. "That's a lie. You won't let me."
He looked confused. "I'm trying to be realistic and you keep throwing up barriers. All or nothing, you said at the ball. Well, right now, I can't give you that. So where does that leave us?"
She sniffled, and when he took a step toward her, she backed away. "No, don't touch me." If he did, she'd melt into his arms and forget her anger. She wanted it right now. Needed it. "You know, it's just like it was years ago. Your way or the highway."
"I didn't mean for it to come out like that, but I also know you're scared out of your mind."
She lifted her chin, staring him down with eyes gone hard as bottle glass. "I've lived my entire life scared, Nash. Scared when my father went off to work that he'd never come back. Scared that when I was a teenager he wouldn't tell me all I needed to know about being a woman and I'd make terrible mistakes. And when he died, I was numb with fear—I was alone. I had no one who'd cared." Her eyes burned and she couldn't look at him anymore. She didn't want his pity. She wanted him to understand.