“How did you know I was here? How did they find you?”
“You have some very good friends that really care about you. Cass spent hours scouring the Internet, Facebook, everything. It was her who got in touch with us.”
“How is Mom?”
“She misses you.”
“Then why isn’t she here?”
“She blames herself for what happened to you, Sarah. It nearly killed her, you know. She was afraid you wouldn’t want to see her.” She swallowed. “She’s never stopped thinking about you, talking about you . . . She’s just been living in fear that you hate her, that you blame her like she blames herself . . .”
“That makes two of us.” I looked over my sister. She was wearing a sundress with yellow roses covering the bottom of the skirt. She wore little makeup and her hair was swept up in a ponytail.
The nurse who had been waiting in the hallway stepped inside, clearing her throat. “Are you okay, Sarah?” Her eyes danced between my sister and me.
“Yeah, I think . . . I think that, finally, I am.”
39
ERIC
I NEED TO SEE Sarah Winsor.”
“Are you family?” the receptionist asked as she clicked the keys on her computer. She glanced up at me, her eyes inspecting the injuries to my hands from beating the hell out of Derek. “It looks like she has a visitor right now and she is under restriction.”
“Who? Who is here to see her?” I leaned over the desk toward her.
“You need to lower your voice, sir. I can’t divulge that information to you. You will have to wait to see her when she is released.”
“When will that be?”
“I don’t know, sir. That is up to her doctor. I’m sorry.”
I slammed my hands down on the counter before stalking off and out the front door of the hospital. I paced back and forth on the sidewalk as I tried to figure out what to do next. She was so close and I couldn’t protect her. How could they call her family? What if her stepdad was up there with her right now?
I wanted to fight my way to her, but I had no idea where in the building she was. All I could do was wait for this torture to end and hope whatever she was enduring wasn’t going to be the final straw that broke her completely.
I sank down on the sidewalk and leaned back against the hospital wall as I stared out at the clouds overhead. People came and went, some filled with joy at the start of a new life, others in tears as a life had ended.
As I watched, it seemed as if the world had stopped for each of them, nothing more important than this moment. Some prayed, others cursed, and I sat there, helpless as the rest. It hit me that I was still imprisoned, even if I wasn’t behind bars.
The automatic doors slid open beside me and my heart stopped as a brunette walked by me and into the street. I pushed to my feet and took off after her.
“Sarah?” I yelled, and put my hand on her shoulder. As she turned to face me, she looked startled. Her resemblance to Sarah was unbelievable. She was what I imagined Sarah would look like had she not been through hell. “Jenny?” I asked as I recalled Sarah’s confessions about her little sister, whom she had left behind.
“Are you Derek?” She took a step back from me.
“No. Wait. He isn’t with her?”
“I need to know who you are before I tell you anything about my sister.”
“I’m E. I know she probably doesn’t want to see me.” My head pounded and I tried to swallow the pain.
“She told me what you did for her. Thank you. It’s good to know someone was looking out for her. All this time I thought she was alone.”
“Someone had to after her family abandoned her,” I snapped, immediately regretting my words. Jenny was only a child when Sarah left and it wasn’t her fault.
“Do you want to go for a coffee or something so we can talk a little more privately?” She leaned her head toward the parking lot.
“I need to wait here for Sarah.”
“They plan to release her tomorrow. There is nothing you can do until then. She’s going to be okay.”
I nodded reluctantly and she turned to continue walking toward her car, and I followed her to an old, brown Volkswagen Beetle.
We rode in silence as the radio played upbeat pop music. I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head.
“What? This is a good song.”
“You are nothing like your sister.” Even thinking of Sarah was painful and I stared out the window, the smile falling from my face.
“Tell me about her.”
“First, I need to know about your parents.”
Jenny glanced over at me, not sure of what she could say or what I already knew.
“Sarah told me everything. Everything.”
“It’s not what you think. She was scared. She didn’t think anyone would help her. We had no idea where she had gone when she ran away.”
“Why isn’t her mother here if she was so worried after Sarah left? Why didn’t she go after her?”
“She still hasn’t forgiven herself for what happened.”
“Good. I haven’t forgiven her either.”
Jenny sighed as she clicked on her turn signal and turned down another road. “She didn’t know. When she found out, she left Phil.” Jenny’s eyes met mine briefly as I absorbed that new information.
“Sarah is a singer.” I smiled as I relaxed my head against the seat. “Her band toured with mine.”
“Was Derek in her band?”
I shook my head, not wanting to explain how things fell apart with Derek. That was Sarah’s story to tell. “Where is he?”
“Sarah said he went to Texas.”
When Sarah needed him most, he had abandoned her once again. He was lucky he was so far away or I would have hunted his ass down and finished what I had started.
“She was supposed to go with him.” I clenched my jaw as I remembered how much it had killed me when I had found that out.
“I want her to come stay with me for a while. She needs to be with family.”
40
SARAH
YOU SEEM TO be in better spirits.”
I glanced up at Cass, who sat cross-legged on the end of my bed. “I saw my sister for the first time since I had left home.”
“How did you feel about seeing her after all of these years?”
“Terrified.”
“And now?”
“Relieved. Thank you for finding her.”
“Change isn’t always a bad thing, you know.”
“It usually is for me.”
“What you are going to do when you leave here?”
“I don’t know what I am going to do. I’m pretty sure I no longer have a band.” I laughed sadly as I thought about Derek. “I’m sure everyone thinks I am crazy.” I heard E’s voice in my mind telling me I was killing him. I wanted to tell him then what he meant to me, but it was too late. Every person I got close to ran from me eventually.
“You are hardly the crazy one in our messed-up family.”
I pictured Cass and Tucker looking at each other with love in their eyes. They had been through so much together and now their lives were perfect. I wondered if it would ever be possible to get past everything and one day be happy like them.
“My boyfriend ran off to Texas and left me here, and E . . .” I hated how my heart ached as I thought of him.
“Do you miss him?” Cass pulled her lip between her teeth.
“So much . . . and now he is sitting in jail because of me.”
“I was talking about Derek.”
I could feel my cheeks flush and I looked down at the pillow on my lap, picking a loose thread with my nails. “I knew he was no good for me, but he was always there and he never asked questions.”
“It’s always way easier to deny anything had happened than face it.” Cass paused and glanced down at her hands. “I can relate to that.”
“Something like that, I guess.” I nodded, knowing she understood better than anyone else.
“But the problems didn’t go away that way, did they?”
“I’m here aren’t I?” I joked, trying to hide behind my humor.
“But you told E. You could have talked to me.”
“He cared.”
“We all care about you, Sarah. I know we have been crazy busy with touring and getting married, but I would have been there for you.”
“E deserves so much better than me.”
“And you deserved to be cheated on, humiliated . . . cast aside?”
I didn’t say anything as I shifted on the bed. I didn’t want to talk about E anymore.
“In here it is easy to avoid what is bothering you, but tomorrow you are going to be out there again and you can’t run forever. Trust me. I tried that once.”
THE DOCTOR LOOKED over the cuts on my arms. I was slowly starting to heal, both inside and out. As scared as I was to leave this place, I was going stir-crazy after four days of this. I wanted to see Jenny again and find out everything about her life since I had left.
“You’re all set. Take care of yourself.” He patted me on the shoulder as I slid off the chair and walked back to my room.
As I changed into my street clothes, the nurse popped her head into my room with a bright smile on her face. “Your sister is here for you. I have her waiting down the hall at the front desk.”
“Thank you.” I smiled. I glanced around the sterile space and took a deep breath before heading out into the hallway. Jenny’s eyes met mine and she ran down the hall toward me, pulling me in for a hug.
“I missed you,” she said, and I pulled back as I tucked my hair behind my ear. It was overwhelming. She looped her arm in mine and began walking with me down the hall to the double doors. “Come on. I have someone waiting for you.” I stopped walking, unsure if I could handle seeing my mom yet. I had run off, no explanation, and she had no idea if I was even alive for all of this time. “It’s going to be fine. I promise you. I’m with you now.”
I slowly began to walk again. The nurse who stood by the doors slid his card so they would open, and we made our way to the elevator. The doors opened and a nurse stepped out as we slid in and pressed the button for the first floor.
41
ERIC
THIS ISN’T YOUR fault.” Cass leaned back against the wall next to me as I stared at Tuck and the twins.
“I just need to take some time off.” I flexed my hands, my fingers still throbbing from my fight with Derek.
The doors opened in front of us and we all stopped talking as our eyes fell on Sarah and her sister, Jenny.
Sarah looked completely shocked, her eyes wide, but Jenny was smiling at all of us. They stepped forward, their arms linked together.
Cass flew forward, wrapping her arms around Sarah as they both laughed.
“I am so glad you are okay,” Cass whispered, and kissed Sarah on the cheek.
“I didn’t think you guys would be here,” Sarah said, and I took a deep breath, not realizing how much I had missed the sound of her voice. I stood there just watching as everyone hugged her and told her how much they’d missed her.
Eventually the conversation died down and her eyes met mine. Everyone took notice.
“We’ll wait out at the car,” Cass said as she placed her hand on Sarah’s shoulder, then all the guys but me followed Cass toward the front doors.
“You okay?” Jenny asked, and Sarah nodded, her eyes still on me. Jenny followed the others, leaving only Sarah and me.
She took a step closer and I stayed against the wall, my hands shoved in my pockets.
“I didn’t think I would see you again,” she said shakily.
“I’m so sorry, Sarah.” I shook my head as I swallowed down the lump in my throat.
“I’m the one who should be sorry. I put you through a lot of shit.”
I laughed as I thought over how much we had been through the past week. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Are you okay?”
“I am now.” I wanted to reach out and wrap my arms around her, but I forced myself not to move. “I thought you . . .” I cleared my throat as I tried not to relive the feelings of helplessness when I didn’t know if she was even alive.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and took another step closer.
“Hey, I’ve gotten to meet Jenny. She’s a lot like you, but her taste in music sucks,” I joked, and Sarah smiled. God I loved to see her smile.
“We will have to fix that.”
It didn’t slip by me that she had said we.
“The world is waiting.” I pushed from the wall and began walking toward the front door with Sarah at my side.
Jenny was waiting just outside the doors, leaning against her car. The band was standing around a dark SUV parked in front of her.
I blew out a heavy breath and turned to Sarah. I hated spending a second away from her, but I knew what she needed right now was her family. Jenny and I had talked for hours about Sarah’s life, and I knew I had to do what was best for her, not me.
“Don’t party too hard,” I said with a smile that I knew didn’t reach my eyes.
“You’re not coming with me?”
I shook my head and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I slowly let mine circle her body, not sure if I would ever be able to let her go.
“Please don’t leave me, too,” she whispered against my ear, and I stiffened, hating myself for having to walk away.
Tucker’s hand landed on my shoulder and he pulled me back. I reluctantly let go of Sarah and watched as her sister opened the car door for her to get in.