I laughed and grabbed my secret brown package, making my way out the back door as quickly as possible. I let out a small giggle. My hand shot up to cover my mouth as Larry shook his head in disgust.
My cheeks hurt from smiling and I wished I could hold on to this feeling of happiness forever. But I wasn’t that naïve. I knew eventually I would wake up from this fairy tale, but I was determined to try to enjoy it while it lasted. I sighed as I made my way through the trailer park fence. I continued past my place and slipped between the next row of trailers.
I climbed the steps of an old green-and-white single-wide and knocked on the door. After a moment and some choice swear words, the door flew open.
“Hey, Marla. I was wondering if you might be able to take my shift tomorrow?” I smiled.
She narrowed her eyes and ran her hand through her tangled, bleached mane. “What are you up to?” She stepped down a step and crossed her arms over her chest as she blew out a puff of cigarette smoke.
“Nothing. I just need a favor. I have a mountain of laundry to catch up on and we’re in desperate need of groceries.” I felt sick as the lies poured out of my mouth.
“Yeah, all right. For an extra twenty.” She raised an eyebrow and held out her hand.
I gritted my teeth and dug through my apron, pulling a twenty out of the white envelope.
She smiled and squeezed her fist tight. “You got yourself a deal.” She walked back inside and slammed the door closed behind her.
I cursed her under my breath as I made my way back to my trailer. I made sure no one was around as I slipped my window open and slid the box inside.
I opened the front door and closed it quickly just as something came flying in my direction and smashed against the door. I pulled it back open to see my mother standing inside threatening Jackson. “What the fuck, Mama? You almost fucking killed me!”
My mom smoothed her hair as she shuffled her feet anxiously. “I didn’t mean to, baby. I was aiming for Jax’s head.”
“Fuck you,” Jax screamed from the kitchen.
“What the hell is going on?” I stepped between them as they yelled more profanities at each other.
“I just need a fix, baby, and Jax is holding out on me!”
“This is about dope?” I turned to look at Jax and back to my mother. I shook my head and took off down the hall to my room, slamming the door as hard as possible. The arguing continued as I held up the yellow dress to my body, spinning once and watching it fly out in the wind.
“That is a perfect dress for our tea party, baby.” My mother always knew how to make me feel like the belle of the ball.
I spun in a circle as I held up my pink polka-dot dress and watched the skirt fly out around me. “Do you think you can do my hair like a princess, Mama?”
She looked at her watch, frowning at the time. “Daddy is gonna be home real soon. We don’t want to be late for your own birthday party, do we? It’s not every day a princess turns four.” She smiled widely as she twisted a long, blond strand of my hair around her finger.
The front door banged off the wall and I took off down the hallway, dragging my pretty new dress behind me.
“Where’s my birthday girl?” my father yelled from the entry of our home. I jumped as I reached him, leaping into his arms. He caught me, spinning us around before wrapping an arm around my mother’s waist and pulling her in for a kiss on the head.
“How was work?” she asked as she smoothed her vibrant blond hair and plastered on a dazzling smile.
“Johnson said if I keep up these hours, I’m on my way to a promotion.”
My mother squealed, then clapped her hands over her mouth in shock.
“Things are finally looking up for us. Let’s go out and celebrate.” He set me on the floor and ran his hand over my hair. I quickly smoothed it down just as my mother always did to her own. “Get your dress on, birthday girl.”
I pulled off my uniform, double-checking the lock on the bedroom door. I began to hum “Loved” by Damaged as I slipped the slinky dress over my head. It fit me like a glove.
A loud banging shook the door. “Cass,” Jax called from the hallway. I pulled the dress over my head and shoved it into the box, throwing it into the closet. I ran my hand over my hair as I opened the door in my bra and panties.
“Hey.” He smirked as he stepped closer.
I backed away and crossed my arms angrily over my chest. “What do you want?”
“Don’t be mad at me, baby. I did her a favor. I didn’t give her no dope, like you asked.” He smiled.
He was right—why was I mad at him?
“That’s because he used it all himself!” My mother was behind him in the hallway now, screaming. I rolled my eyes and shoved Jax backward out of my room, closing and locking the door. I couldn’t take it any longer. Every day was more of the same. People always made promises that things would get better, but it only seemed to ever get worse. I was sick of the disappointment. Sick of the fighting.
“How was I supposed to know he was skimming the books?” My dad slammed his fork down on his plate.
My mother’s eyes danced from me to my father as I took another bite of macaroni and cheese, still wearing my princess dress from my birthday party three weeks prior. I refused to take it off, except to bathe, not wanting the magic to end. I was certain that if Cinderella hadn’t lost her shoe, she would still have been a princess come midnight.
“We spent three times the money we would have on that party. You said you were getting promoted, not fired.” My mother clenched her jaw as she spoke, trying not to raise her voice.
My father ran a hand through his hair and slammed back his chair.
My mother reached her hand over the table, placing it on mine, and smiled brightly as tears filled her eyes. “Everything is gonna be just fine, baby. I promise.”
“I know, Mama.” But even then, a part of me already knew it wouldn’t be.
Chapter Eleven
I GATHERED UP MY laundry and shoved it in a basket along with Jax’s pile of clothes, throwing the magazine my customer had left behind on top of the pile. I slipped the tiny locket around my neck and hid it under my shirt. As I made my way down the hall, the house was quiet again. When I reached the living room, I realized they were now in the back room, most likely getting high.
“I’m going to do laundry,” I called back down the hall, not bothering to wait for a response.
I was glad to be under the cover of darkness so I could play with my necklace as I walked to the Laundromat on the far side of the trailer park. The ridiculous grin was plastered firmly back in place as I thought about the concert at the beach. I knew it was stupid of me to keep this fantasy going, but I finally had something to look forward to. Finally, I had a reason to wake up. It didn’t matter what I thought of myself as long as Tucker looked at me as if I were perfect. I’d never felt wanted and I was determined to enjoy it as long as it lasted.
I pulled open the heavy door to the Laundromat and shoved past the people loading their machines. One day I will have a set of these machines in my home, I thought as I stuffed my clothes into the washer. I got some quarters from the change machine and started the load. I chewed on my lip as I held an extra dollar in my hand.
“Fuck it.”
I made my way outside to the pay phone. I carefully pulled open the locket and unfolded the tiny slip of paper with Tucker’s phone number on it. My heart beat out of my chest as I pressed the buttons on the phone and it rang in my ear. After four rings, I pulled the receiver away from my ear, disappointed.
“Yeah?” Tucker sounded exhausted.
My smile spread.
“Get off the phone,” a woman called from the other end of the line.
My heart caught in my throat and I hung up the phone and covered my mouth with my hands. It felt as if I had just been punched in the stomach. I knew better. I fucking knew better than to believe this guy had given a second thought about me. I could feel my eyes well with tears as I struggled to swallow my emotions down. He was no one for me to cry over. I barely knew him. I put my head against the blue box surrounding the phone, hating myself.
The phone rang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I stared at it in disbelief.
I picked it up and slowly raised it to my ear.
“Cass? Cass, are you there?” He sounded as panicked as I felt.
“Yeah.” My voice was barely audible. I cleared my throat to try to speak again. “I’m here.”
He sighed heavily in my ear. “Thank God. I’m sorry. That wasn’t what you think.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think.” I shook my head. I was being stupid. There was no reason for Tucker not to be able to do what he wanted with whomever he wanted.
“It matters to me, sweetheart.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. No one had ever cared about my thoughts, my feelings. At least not since I was a little girl—not since Jackson had changed. In fact, it seemed the people I cared about the most only went out of their way to hurt me.
“Cass?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m here.”
“She was here with the guys. They’ve been driving me crazy trying to get me to party with them, but I was trying to sleep.” I heard him yawn.
I felt terrible. I assumed the worst of him. I always did. It was my way to keep from getting hurt. You will never be disappointed if you don’t have high expectations. I’d learned that lesson long ago.
“Did you get the package?”
“Yeah . . . yeah . . . The dress is . . . beautiful. Thank you. But I can’t take your money, Tucker.” I dug my teeth into my bottom lip as I twisted the phone cord around my fingers.
“I know you could pay for it, but that wouldn’t be fair. I invited you. You’re my guest. It wouldn’t be right for you to pay for the trip.”
What he said made sense. I had assumed the worst again. He was just trying to do the right thing. I nodded to myself as I untangled my fingers from the cord and fidgeted with my locket. Just talking to him made me feel like a completely different person.
He yawned again.
“I’ll let you get your rest.”
“Will you be there tomorrow? I’d really like to see you again.”
“I’ll be there.” I was beaming and had to turn the other way as people filed out of the Laundromat and passed me.
“Bye, Cass.”
“Bye,” I whispered into the receiver, and waited for the click on the other end before hanging up.
I tucked my locket into my shirt, making sure to conceal it before heading back inside to finish my laundry.
I switched my clothes over to a dryer and sat down on one of the long wooden benches that lined the far wall. I focused on the television mounted in the corner of the room. The local news was playing but I couldn’t focus too much on anything they were saying. A hurricane was forming off the coast and they expected it to make landfall next week, but the weather was the last thing on my mind. I grabbed the magazine and flipped through the pages. One dog-eared page was titled, “Doing Damage.” I stared at a picture of Tucker with his arm around a leggy brunette, flanked by his band members. His other hand was grabbing her thigh and pulling it around his hip.
If you haven’t heard of Damaged, you soon will. The small Tennessee band has been rising in the charts and the hearts of women across America. One such lucky woman reveals all, from late-night partying to whether or not Tucker White is as smooth in the bedroom as he is on the stage.
“Hey, Cass.”
I snapped out of my daze and locked eyes with Tom Fullerton. He was as well-known among the users in our area as among the local cops. He had a drug habit and a nasty pattern of stealing. My hand shot to my chest to make certain my necklace was hidden from view. He looked rough. He wore a red polo shirt, untucked and wrinkled. His jeans were filthy and torn, and I was certain he didn’t pay extra to make them look that way. His under-eye circles were so dark and purple it looked as if he had been on the losing end of a boxing match. His hair was an overgrown, black, greasy mess. His eyes looked dead.