Her words gave him the courage to undress, pulling his jeans over his straining erection, wincing at the discomfort. He gave an audible sigh of relief when his dick burst free from its restraints. But then he caught the look on Eden’s face as she stared unabashedly at his cock.
Her cheeks had paled and she looked decidedly uncertain and . . . afraid.
She pulled aside the covers on his side of the bed, inviting him to crawl into bed with her.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said in a low voice. “I’ve argued with myself over whether to even tell you, and aside from that I didn’t want it to change how you felt about me or your desire to make love to me. But you need to know. You deserve to know so that you can back out if I’m no longer someone you want. And I’ll understand. I promise. I’m not going to throw some tantrum and make an ass of myself. I’d die before guilting you into something you didn’t want.”
Unease gripped him around his balls, squeezing to the point of pain. She made it sound as though she were a wanted criminal or had done something unforgivable, and Swanny couldn’t imagine either scenario in the least.
He slid into bed next to her and automatically reached for her to try to soothe the unease he could see in her eyes. She didn’t nestle into his side as he’d intended and instead moved closer but kept her head up so she could look him in the eyes.
“Eden, you can tell me anything,” he said gently. “I can guarantee whatever it is you’re stressing about isn’t going to change a damn thing about the way I feel about you, and it damn sure won’t stop me from wanting you. I’m so hard right now that if you so much as touched me I think I’d come.”
She smiled, some of the tension escaping her features.
“The other concern was whether you’d even believe me,” she said in a quiet tone. “Because with the way I’ve been with you, so forward and bold, I can’t imagine you would even believe what I’m about to tell you.”
Now he was truly curious. Not worried because he couldn’t imagine anything she could tell him that would put him off. Her past lovers didn’t matter. What mattered was here and now and that she was going to be his.
“Just tell me, honey,” he encouraged. “You’re making yourself crazy over nothing I’m sure.”
She sucked in a deep breath, seemingly gathering her courage, and then exhaled in a long sigh.
“I’ve never been with a man,” she admitted in a faltering tone. “You’d be the first. I want you to be the first.”
He stared at her, stunned, in complete disbelief. Of anything he thought she would tell him, this was the very last thing he would have considered. There were so many what-the-fuck thoughts barreling through his mind that he was utterly speechless.
Eden was a virgin? It boggled his mind. The world’s most beautiful woman had never been with a man, and furthermore she wanted him to be her first? It humbled him and scared the shit out of him all at the same time.
What was he supposed to say to something like that? He didn’t feel worthy. Her first time should be special, with a man who didn’t look like he did. Someone more on her level. He suddenly felt clumsy and inept. He in no way underestimated the magnitude of the gift she was offering. But damn it, her first time should be perfect and he was suddenly seized by fear that he’d royally botch the entire thing up.
“Swanny?”
Her voice sounded fearful and she’d pulled the covers farther up until they were tucked under her chin. She sounded as uncertain as he felt, and he cursed the fact that he was making a royal muck of everything.
“I don’t know what to say,” he finally managed to get out. “I had no idea, Eden. And the thought that you want me to be your first . . . I can’t even fathom the magnitude of such a precious gift. Why me? You have to have had better opportunities—options. What could I possibly have to offer you? I feel like we’re caught up in a modern Beauty and the Beast situation. I’m not handsome. Most would consider me ugly. I’m scarred not just on my face but on my entire body. How could you want someone like me?”
Her expression softened and her eyes gentled, and the look she gave him was so achingly sweet that it made his entire chest tighten with emotion.
She leaned down, brushing her lips over his, and then as she’d done once before, she slid her mouth over the length of his scar, pressing tender tiny kisses along every pucker and ridge.
“You’re beautiful to me,” she whispered. “I don’t care what others think. They’re idiots for not seeing beyond your scars to the heart of you. The person I know you are. As to how I could want someone like you, I can’t give you a cut-and-dried explanation. It’s just there. Something about you stirs me in a way no other man has ever been able to move me. I’ve waited because it never felt right before, and my virginity is something I considered precious, not to be given to just anyone. But it feels right with you. Perfect. I know without any doubts that I want you to be my first lover. But if it doesn’t feel right to you, then I don’t want it to happen. I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want.”
“I want you more than I ever imagined wanting another woman,” he admitted. “I’m blown away by the way you see me, that you still want me even seeing what I look like. I won’t lie. I’m petrified because I want your first time to be something beautiful and precious, and I worry that I won’t be able to give you what you deserve.”