Man, this was going to be harder than I thought. Right at that time the waitress came by, asking for our orders during my ten minutes. Nice. “We need a little more time. At least ten minutes to be exact.” The red-haired waitress gave me a weird look before shrugging and walking away.
“Nine minutes.” She stared me down and I knew she was serious.
I didn’t even give myself time to sort through what I wanted to say. “I love her. I know I screwed up and I hurt her. I’m an asshole and I know it, but I swear the last thing I ever wanted to do was lose Aspen.” I sighed. “When I broke up with her, I was feeling sorry for myself. You know, the whole parent issue thing. I didn’t think it would work because my mom and her boyfriend broke up again. If she couldn’t get love right after how many tries, how could I?” Wow… Maybe it was better that I hadn’t rehearsed that because it was much easier to be real with her when I just let myself go. I’m sure Pris was smart enough to put two and two together when it came to my mom and know she was unlucky in love, but I’d never told her how I felt about it. It wasn’t something I ever really expressed to anyone, except Aspen.
“After my dad and all the other guys. And then Roger, he said he loved her and wanted to marry her and then Mom called before we left the beach house and told me they split and I lost it.” On a roll, I kept going. “I was pissed at him for hurting her and scared things would end up the same way with me and Aspen, so I just bailed before we got a chance to dig ourselves in too deep.”
I ran a hand through my hair, and leaned on my elbow. “And then I found out she really wanted Mattie all along, and she’d never really wanted me and it pretty much crushed me, Pris. You should have seen me. I even did the whole ice cream and romance movie thing, though if you tell anyone, I will completely deny it.”
She chuckled and some of the weight on my chest loosened.
“Crystal was an accident. I freaked when I saw them at the mall and grabbed her hand. Then, I made her pretend to date me to get Aspen jealous. I’m telling you, Pris, even if she doesn’t take me back, we have to get her away from Mattie. I know he’s up to no good. Crystal told me he was trying to get in her cousins pants right before hooking up with Aspen. I’ll kick his ass before I let him hurt her. What does she see in that idiot anyway?”
I was starting to get all frustrated, running both my hands through my hair. Did Aspen and Mattie make up after their fight in the park? Would she choose him over me? “It may not look like it, but I do love her. I just want to take care of her.”
Pris shook her head and mumbled, “Boys are so dumb.” Mayday! Mayday! I was losing her.
“What can I do, Pris? I love her and you’re one of my best friends. Tell me how I can fix this?"
She frowned. “To make it better with me, all you have to do is make it better for her.”
On reflex, I reached across the table and grabbed Pris’s hand. She was a good friend and I knew my dumb butt didn’t deserve her. “I’ll do my best. I’m going to prove to Aspen and you that I deserve her.” Mattie’s ugly mug popped into my mind. “I just hope I’m not too late.”
“Idiota. Sometimes, I wonder about guys. No offense, Bastian, but you can all be pretty dense.”
She was probably talking about me in there too, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Jaden held a big part in this as well. PA Rocks. PA. Pris, Aspen. Damn, I really was dense. I had no doubt Aspen and Pris tried a two for one deal. And I’d failed her. Squeezing her hand, I said, “You know any guy would be lucky to call you his girl, don’t you?”
After returning my squeeze she pulled away. “Yeah, I know. But don’t get any ideas. You’re in love with Aspen, remember?”
I gave her one of my best smirks. “Yeah, I know.”
“Alright, I’m out of here. Go find your girl and sweep her off her feet before Matt does it for you. I have it on good authority they’re supposed to be going out tomorrow night. That doesn’t give you much time.”
I got up and pulled Pris into a hug. “I’ll walk you out,” I told her. She picked up her coffee and led the way to her car. When we stopped, she was touching her necklace I’d seen her playing with on the trip. “That’s nice. Parents get it for you for your birthday?”
Pris sighed. “Someone did, but not them.” Oh. It was obvious she didn’t want to tell me who it was, so I left it alone. “Need a ride?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Nah. I have some stuff to figure out.”
She gave me a smile and pulled out. Before driving away she put her window down. “Oh, and Bastian?”
“Yeah?”
“If you mess this up, I’ll mess you up, too.”
Chapter Seventeen
On the way home, I spotted a familiar car by the arcade and realized I had one more person to make amends with before I could move on to making things up to Aspen. These were all a warm up. They were preparing me for the big one. Not saying I didn’t take Jaden, Pris and now Crystal’s apologies seriously, but somewhere along the way I realized I needed to really earn Aspen back and these were all steps on that road. With each apology, I earned her a little more. By the time I made it to Aspen, I’d be the guy she deserved.
Or maybe I was just telling myself that to give myself a little more hope at actually getting the girl in the end. Honestly, I wasn’t sure.
Crystal had actually been pretty understanding of the whole thing. I didn’t go into as many details as I did with Pris, but in the end, she forgave me for misleading her about the whole break-up and even wished me luck on getting Aspen back. Kind of made me wish I knew that Will guy, because I sure wanted to knock some sense into him. She was a cool girl and I hoped she found a guy who realized it.
The walk home pretty much sucked, but I had time to work through my whole grand gesture in my head. On reflex, I looked two doors down as I stepped onto my porch. Damn, I was such a sap. Even her house looked different to me now. I wondered if that would ever change. If everything about her would always be…brighter now. Okay, so maybe brighter wasn’t the right word. It sounded a little lame, but…more? Yeah, everything about her was just more now.
Shaking my head because I’d officially lost my mind, I turned to open my front door. Something caught my eye and I turned back to her house.
And then dropped to the porch so no one could see me. Yep, definitely lost my mind because here I was, lying on my stomach and peeking through railing on my porch so I could see her—with him.
Get up, Bastian. You’re officially a peeping Tom now. Only I couldn’t. They looked like they were both in a much better mood than they’d been when I last saw them together. My skin started to crawl and feel all prickly.
It all happened so quickly. She was smiling. He shrugged, but not in the asshole kind of way. Then he held his arms open and she stepped inside.
Mattie was hugging her. Hugging my girl. The one I’d pretty much thrown away and there was nothing I could do about it. Honestly, I probably deserved it. It wasn’t a long hug and afterward he turned and walked away, shooting one last glance over his shoulder and smiling at her. Aspen watched him drive away then turned and went back into her house.
My stomach knotted. For the first time, I really let myself consider the fact that I might not get her back. That she just might feel the same way about Mattie that I felt about her.
I might have really lost her. But no matter what, I wasn’t going to give up. Even if I walked away from this in pieces, she was worth it.
***
THE HOOK-UP DOCTOR
HELPING GIRLS GET THEIR DREAMS GUYS SINCE…WELL HOW LONG ISN’T IMPORTANT. WHAT MATTERS IS I’M GOOD. AND I AM.
Okay, so I know this blog is usually used just for contact information and stuff, but this is important. You see, in a few days The Hook-up Doctor is officially retiring. I could go into a million different reasons as to why, one being that my mom found out and said I have to, but the fact is, if I wanted to keep it going, I could. There are always ways, if you know what I mean. The truth is, I’m quitting because I’m a scam.
Yeah, I have a good track record. I’ve pretty much hooked-up everyone who contacted me, but the point is, I never believed in this. I mean, I never promised more than just a hook-up, but I did let people believe that I was really giving them more. That I really felt like they could get love out of all this, when to me, love had always been a bigger scam than I was.
And then, you guessed…I fell in love.
Let me tell you, love isn’t a scam. It’s real, overpowering and fierce. It has the power to make you feel like nothing can stop you. Like you can do anything and it also has the ability to break you. And the even crazier part is, you can break it, too. Or ruin it, I guess, because it sure as hell doesn’t just go away. Believe me. I know.
You see, the girl I fell in love with? She seriously rocks. That’s not even a strong enough word, but I don’t want to get too mushy in this. I’ll save that stuff for when I beg her for forgiveness. But yeah, she was amazing and being with her, it felt right in a way I hadn’t known I was missing before her.
And I wrecked it. I didn’t trust what I was feeling. I got scared. Yep, I’m not afraid to admit that shit. I was scared—half that I would hurt her and the other half scared she would hurt me, so I did exactly what I didn’t want to do, and I told her goodbye.
It hurt. I felt like half a man and, for a guy like me, someone who has more pride than I probably should, that didn’t fly.
I won’t bore you with all the details (who am I kidding with the bore thing. I’m sure you guys want all the details). I’m not going to share them. They’re between us, but I will say, I didn’t keep it at one screw up. I had a few big ones. I’m not proud of any of it, but through it all, I still love her.
The even cooler part is somehow, through it all, I love her more. I also realize that loving her is worth whatever happens (yeah, my girl is that cool). Even if she can’t forgive me for playing games, and not treating her the way I should have, I’m not sorry I fell for her. What I’m feeling is more real than anything else out there. It’s better than hook-ups, and scoping girls out at the mall, and flirting and all that other stuff I used to live for.
And even though I know there are no guarantees in life, I’ll risk the possible pain and the possibility that some day it could end, if she’ll give me a chance now. What’s the point in protecting yourself when it keeps you from feeling anything? That’s what I realized. Without her, I wasn’t really feeling.
So, as I say goodbye to all the readers out there, I hope you’ll consider what I’ve said. Believe me; I know what I’m talking about. I said that before, but this time it’s for real. And if she’s reading this, I’m going to make it up to you. Even if it’s too late, I have to tell you how I feel. You know me. I have a knack for getting what I want, so you should just give in now. ;)
Not really, but honestly, I’m sorry I screwed up and I’m going to tell you in person. I just hope I don’t break my neck in the progress. Oh, and if I do, I’m going to tell you now, I love you.
S.
***
The night after writing my blog, I stood on the side of Aspen’s house, looking up at the mountain of a climb I had in front of me. Okay, so it wasn’t a mountain, but standing under her window, it definitely felt like one. I shook my hands and exhaled, grabbed the lattice, and pulled myself up. I took it slowly, hoping the thing was really as heavy as it looked. Following what I’d always heard, I didn’t look down as I climbed higher and higher.
The thing is, the real reason I never would climb through her damn window, no matter how many time she asked me, was because I wasn’t real fond of heights. The one time with Alex’s window, it had been the climb or her dad and a baseball bat. Plus, I didn’t really have much time to think about it. Now, I had plenty of time, but I kept going. And I really, really hoped she was in her room. Alone. Oh, and while I was hoping, I also prayed she saw my blog post from last night.