Then I had bouts of depression.
I wanted to stay positive and happy all the time, but when the black hit, there was nothing I could do about it.
And through all of this, Jake was right there with me.
The day they removed the bandage from my head, I sobbed. The scar on my head was red and angry, running a few inches back from my hairline, over my scalp, and a huge patch of my hair was missing where it had been shaved off for the surgery.
I felt hideous.
When I said this to Jake, he held me in his arms.
“We can always make a fashion statement out of it, sweetheart. I can shave a patch of my hair off too.”
“You wouldn’t suit the bald look.” I smiled through my tears.
“Nah, you’re probably right. But you do.” He took my face in his hands, brushing my tears away with his thumbs, the tip of his nose resting against mine. “You suit every look, Tru. You are beautiful to me right now. You are beautiful to me always, no matter what.”
Jake knew how much it bothered me, so once I was able to, once the scar had near to healed and my hair had grown back a little, Jake had a hairdresser come to the hospital and put some extensions in. Once she was finished, you couldn’t tell there was a scar unless you were looking for it.
Jake has done everything possible to help me get back to the person I was before the accident. Because of his help, I’m almost there.
I don’t sleep great. I suffer with nightmares. I have blinding headaches to contend with along with shooting pains in my right arm, and my right hand isn’t as strong as it used to be. But I’m lucky to be alive, and I make sure to remind myself of that every single day. It doesn’t take much, I just look at Jake and JJ and know how lucky I am, that I have everything in the world to be thankful for because I have them.
I haven’t spent a night away from JJ since that day Jake brought him into my hospital room.
Jake had JJ moved into my room. Of course, Jake was there with us too.
It became our home away from home. I even spent my birthday there.
Well, it wasn’t like I could go out celebrating, so Jake brought the celebration to me, and we had a miniparty with Mum and Dad, Simone, Denny, Stuart, Josh, Smith, and Carly. Even Susie and Dale were there. Tom was away, so he couldn’t be.
Jake had Pizza Hut brought in, and he bought me seven gifts to catch up to the twelve missed, then another to mark my actual birthday.
The seven gifts were a charm bracelet. The bracelet was one and six charms made up the others. Each one meant something to us—a slice of pizza, a little Eiffel Tower, a guitar, a cupcake, a piano, and a scroll charm inscribed with “Best Friends.”
My present for my actual birthday was diamond earrings from Tiffany to match my locket.
He put so much thought into my gifts. But that’s Jake. Where I’m concerned, he puts thought into everything.
The only downside to my party was the tension between Jake and Susie. It wasn’t noticeable to the others, but it was to me.
After everyone had left, I asked Jake what was going on.
He told me about the discussion he and Susie had right before I woke up from my coma. When he said “discussion,” I knew it was an argument.
It made my heart hurt for him, hearing what was said between them. I told Jake he needs to make some workable relationship with Susie because she’s JJ’s grandma. Kids are smart—JJ will pick up on the tension between them as he starts to grow, so they need to talk it out sooner rather than later.
I know he hasn’t talked with Susie yet, but he will, and soon, now that I’m back on my feet. I’ll make sure of it.
I don’t care what he says. He needs his mum.
I know that even more, now that I am one.
In the beginning with JJ, it was hard not being able to do the things a mother should for her baby, like change his nappy, bathe him, and soothe him when he cried.
I felt useless. And it frustrated the hell out of me.
I had to watch Jake do it all, but he made sure to include me as much as possible, and in truth, I loved watching Jake with him.
He’s so sweet and loving with JJ. He treats him like precious cargo. And no matter how many times I tell Jake not to let JJ fall asleep in his arms, to put him down in his crib, he still lets him. Our boy has Jake wrapped around his finger, and it warms my heart to see.
Jake is everything a dad should be and more. I knew he had it in him, and I made sure to tell him one night in the hospital.
“You’re really good at this,” I said over the sound of JJ wailing, while I watched Jake give him his first proper bath.
I couldn’t help—my arm was still set in a cast—so I sat by the baby bath, watching instead.
“I don’t know about that.” He gave me a quick panicked look. “I think I might be doing it wrong. He’s done nothing but cry since I started bathing him.”
“You’re doing it right. It’s just new to him, that’s all. He’s just telling you, quite loudly, that he’s not sure about this bathing business.” I gave him an encouraging smile.
“Yeah, and he definitely gets the loud from your side of the family.”
“Ha!” I laughed and gave him the middle finger.
“Did you just flip me the bird?” he asked, deadpan, rinsing the soap from JJ’s hair with water from the sponge.
“Looked like it.” I grinned.
“I can’t ever remember you doing that—what’s happened to my sweet girl?”
Getting to my feet, I grabbed JJ’s towel and handed it to Jake. “I don’t know if I was ever sweet.”
“You were. You still are.” He leant close and kissed me on the lips. “Except for when you’re flipping me the bird, that is.”
I stepped back, my lips still tingling from his kiss. “It must be all the time I’ve spent around foul-mouthed rock stars.”
“If you haven’t noticed, I hardly curse anymore. Not around JJ, anyway,” he said, grinning, as he wrapped the towel around him, swaddling him up in it.
“I’ve noticed.” I smiled, climbing up on the bed.
I’ve noticed a lot of things about Jake lately. He hardly ever smokes anymore. I think he’s well on his way to quitting completely. He never curses while JJ’s around, which is all the time.
Jake has always been in control of everything around him, but never relaxed…now he’s relaxed.
He has slipped into his dad role with perfection, and he hasn’t even realised it.
I watched silently in fascination while Jake dried JJ’s skin with care and precision, put his cream on for his dry skin, then put on his nappy, or diaper, as he calls them, and dressed him in the cute blue onesie that my mum bought for him.
Jake then brought JJ over to me with the bottle that he’d put in the warmer right before JJ’s bath, and laid him down on the bed beside me so I could feed him.
Like I said, he’s the perfect dad.
Jake sat with us, and we both watched in silence while JJ drank his milk. It didn’t take him long—he’s got a healthy appetite. Then about ten seconds later, with his belly full, he fell asleep.
Jake carefully picked him up and put him in his crib by the bed. Then turned the light out and climbed in bed beside me.
This was one of my favourite parts of the day. Of course, I love spending every minute with JJ, but I loved the quiet moment at night when it was just me and Jake in the dark, together.
“You’re so good with him,” I whispered. “You’re an amazing dad.”
“I’m only good because of you.”
“No.” I turned to him. “This is all you, Jake, and it’s about time you realise that. You are everything a dad should be to our son, and more. JJ’s lucky to have you.”
His arms went around me, and his lips pressed a kiss against my shoulder. “I guess I’m doing okay. But I’m the lucky one, believe me.”
Jake hasn’t spent a moment away from JJ and me since the moment I woke. He’s put everything into us.
He had Zane handle things at the label. What work he could do, he did at the hospital or at home when I was finally released.
The guys put a pause on working on the album, but I want them all to get back to finishing it soon. A world with no more TMS music wouldn’t be a world at all.
Tom even pitched in when Dina, Vintage’s manager, broke her leg skiing when they were about to go on a six-week tour across the States. That’s why he couldn’t make my birthday.
I was still in the early days of my recovery at the time, and it was stressing Jake to no end to find a new manager for Vintage he could trust, and Tom offered his services.
He’s never managed a band before, but he’s spent most of his life on the road touring.
Jake thought it was a brilliant idea. At first I thought it was because Tom was still trying to get in Lyla’s pants, but Jake said it was because he genuinely wanted to help. Then I felt bad for thinking it.
In all honesty, I’ve seen a different Tom of late since he got back from Vintage’s tour. Actually, he was a little different before he went away.
It’s like something has changed in him. The new Tom is freaking me out—he hardly ever talks about sex or the women he’s slept with. He still manages to make a crack about my breasts, though, to wind Jake up, so I know a bit of the old Tom is still in there somewhere, thankfully.
I never thought I’d say this, but I’d miss the old Tom if he changed completely and that Tom making cracks about the size of my breasts is comforting—weird thought, huh?
So anyway, I digressed a little—okay, a lot.
I’ve been out of the hospital for three weeks now, and we’ve settled into life at home with JJ, though I’m not actually at home at the moment. I’m at my old home, my first home, the currently blissfully warm Manchester.
Jake, JJ, Stuart, Dave, Ben, and I flew in a few days ago. Jake has some business to do here. It has something to do with the label, and he’s been a little vague about it. Why he’d have business in Manchester, I have no clue. It’s usually London.
Jake didn’t want to be away from JJ and me, so we came along. Not that I needed my arm twisted—I didn’t fancy being away from Jake either, and I’d take any excuse to come home, as it means being able to spend more time with my folks.
They came back home once I was released from the hospital. They had both spent so much time off work, and they had to go back.
I got so used to seeing them every day that I’ve missed them since they left.
But one person I don’t have to miss anymore is Simone.
The day after I woke from my coma, Simone and Stuart came to visit me, and Simone had some news.
Simone came bursting into my room, with Stuart close behind. She took one look at me and burst into tears.
“I don’t look that bad, do I?” I joked, knowing I actually did.
“No—I,” she hiccupped.
“Simone, I’m fine, I promise,” I reassured her.
She stumbled across the room, swiping at her tears, and plunked herself down on the bed, then practically threw herself on top of me, wrapping her arms around me. “I thought I’d lost you,” she sniffled.