* * *
"I can't believe we're back here at the Point, Madeline. I wanted to
take you to a nice restaurant, not a stupid Jersey diner," he remarked,
rolling his eyes.
"Hey, don't be dissin' Jersey diners," she teased. "I've eaten some of
the best meals of my life in this state!"
"Yeah well, believe it or not, there are actually other kinds of
restaurants here-and I can also afford to take you to them!"
Maddy looked up at him from behind her plastic-coated menu.
"Kenny, I know that, silly. Why is it so hard to believe that I really want to
eat here? It's kind of late to eat a full-course meal, anyway. Besides, I'm
really in the mood for a good breakfast-maybe a cheddar-cheese omelet
with bacon on the side or even a short stack of pancakes. They were so
yummy that night we were here. Then again, that burger that guy's eating
over there looks really good!"
"Are you sure this is all you want? God, I've dated women not nearly
as classy as you who always insisted on going to the best places or else."
"Women like Roseanne?" Maddy couldn't help herself. She felt a little
insulted by his suggestion-at least in her mind-that she was some
snobby doctor's daughter from an upscale Philly suburb who expected
him to spend wads of cash on her. And though that hadn't been his
intention at all, it transported her back to unhappy memories of high
school, and most recently, Jake. Unfounded accusations of elitism were
quite common with her old boyfriend.
The first time they'd spent a Christmas together, he'd taken offense to
her family's "dressy" attire, which contrasted sharply with the casual
sweat-suits preferred by his side. Rather than compliment Maddy on her
pretty red satin dress, he'd admonished her for "trying to show everyone
else up."
Having been raised with the belief that special occasions merited
special clothing, she had just assumed everyone else abided by the same
customs. After all, wasn't that one of the things that distinguished a
holiday from every other day of the year? And while on the surface it
appeared to be a superficial debate, it had been just one of many
differences that doomed the relationship.
"Roseanne? How do you know about her?" Ken shot back with a
twinge of anger.
"Uh, her name came up in conversation with someone." Maddy voice
was soft now. She was suddenly filled with regret for having mentioned it;
overreaction was one of the shortcomings she often grappled with
unsuccessfully.
"Someone?" he repeated.
"Ken, why are you so upset?"
"Madeline, tell me please!" While still firm, his tone was calmer as he
reached out for her hand.
"Ok, it was Kathy. The other day when you were sleeping on the
couch and I was making sauce for you in the kitchen, we had a little
conversation. It was no big deal. Please, don't be mad at her."
"What did she tell you?"
Maddy took a deep breath. "Just that Roseanne was someone you
used to date and that she was glad you weren't seeing her anymore. Said
that she used guys for whatever she could get out of them and then
moved on to the next when she got bored."
"What else?"
"That's it really. Ok, look, it bothered me a little until Kathy swore
she hadn't seen her around in a while-at least not since you and I had
started dating." Maddy purposely omitted the part about her extreme
insecurity regarding physical intimacy; after being with someone so willing
to "put out" how long could Kenny really tolerate chaste kissing and
hand-holding with her?
Ken's expression became thoughtful as he caressed her small hand
and looked deeply into her eyes. "It's true, Madeline. There's been no one
else for me but you since the night I met you. And Roseanne had long
been out of the picture even before that. Besides, we were never an
exclusive thing; it was never even a real relationship-she was just a girl I
knew from high school, an old friend I hung out with for awhile."
"A friend with benefits?" Maddy pressed. There was no trace of malice
in her voice; just an element of sadness and concern.
"Madeline, I'm not gonna lie to you, sweetheart. Did I sleep with
Roseanne? Yes. Guilty as charged. But you know what? Liz Anne had
broken my heart, my dad was giving me a hard time and my career was up
in the air. I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to do with my life.
And Roseanne was there for me; no pressures, no hassles, we just had a
good time together. So yeah-I gave into temptation for some fleeting
moments of pleasure. Is it what I really wanted? No. Am I proud of it?
Not really. But Maddy, you have to understand, I didn't even know you
then. I didn't know that there were still girls like you out there." He leaned
in closer to stare deeply into her eyes. "Don't you get it? I love you,
Madeline Rose."
Speechless, all she could do was sit there until a waitress interrupted
the silence. She smiled as she placed two glasses of water on the table, and
then asked if they were ready to order.
"I think we need a little more time," Ken advised her politely. After
she'd walked away, he turned back to face Maddy again. "You do believe
me, Madeline, don't you?" He searched for some kind of sign in her
expression-anything to let him know she took him at his word. It
seemed an eternity before she finally responded.
"Kenny, it's ok. I understand and I don't hold it against you. I was
just upset that I hadn't heard about it from you first, that's all. It was kind
of a shock when Kathy blurted it out that day."
"I was planning to tell you, baby. Just wasn't sure how or when. I
wasn't purposely trying to deceive you. God, I've never met anyone like
you before in my life, Madeline. This is all so new to me."
"Me too," she whispered.
"So are we good now?"
"Yeah, we're good," she laughed softly as she playfully punched his
arm. "Thank you for your honesty, teddy bear. I do appreciate it."
"You're welcome." Then with another thought he spoke up again.
"Maddy?"
"Yes?"
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
"Yes, of course."
"Good. Because I want you to be honest with me always, especially if
something is bothering you. I will always listen without judging you, I
promise."
"Aw, Kenny, that's so sweet. Thank you. And I promise you the
same."
She was truly touched-and more than a little disappointed in herself.
In spite of her genuine affection for him, she couldn't bring herself to say
the words that so easily rolled off his tongue. Worse, when it came to
issues of real import, she morphed into a helpless, petrified child from an
outwardly mature young woman. But why? What was there to fear, really? So
far, Ken had proven himself a man of honor. He called when he said he
would, treated her with utmost respect and always made her laugh-surely
everything else would just work itself out.
After all, if he was this great now, it stood to reason that if they ever
did get married, he'd be more than patient with her. And how scary could it
be anyway? Lots of people she knew, her parents included, were married
with kids. Obviously, sex wasn't frightening for them-at least not now.
Probably a lot of people felt the way she did at one time, but got over it
after the initial foray into the unknown.
For goodness sake, wasn't it God who told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and
multiply? If God Himself had set up it this way, sex was for sure a normal activity to
be enjoyed within the boundaries of a marriage, right? That was the thing, though;
it was hard for her to fathom the pleasure aspect; while she firmly
believed that a good kiss was one of the very best things in life, the rest of
it-beyond the sweet caresses and warm embraces, just seemed sort of,
well, icky. That is, until Ken entered her world and turned it upside down.
Now she didn't know what to do about all of these new sensations.
"Madeline, did you hear me?" His deep voice brought her back to
reality. "Thank you for that, sweetheart. Let's not ever let anything come
between us, ok?"
"Ok," Maddy smiled at him again, signaling a return to their
customary levity.
"Alright then, enough of that! Let's eat already!" He laughed heartily
as they reopened their menus and mulled over that evening's choices.