* * *
"Kenny, do you ever wonder what people are doing on the other side
of the ocean?" she asked, as they lay side by side on the blanket. Having
considered every contingency, he had brought along his black sweat shirt
embroidered with the gold Taj Mahal logo. Maddy lay wrapped up in it
now, relishing its warmth and the lingering scent of its owner's aftershave.
He held his arms tightly around her as she laid her head on his chest.
They'd eaten their fill of gourmet treats and were now content to just
embrace the magnificent scene around them-as well as each other.
"Hmm, well I've actually gotten to see what many of them were up to
firsthand, during my Navy days," he explained. "Unfortunately, not all of
it was good."
"We're very blessed to live in this country, aren't we?"
"Yes, we are," he agreed, kissing her forehead.
"Kenny?"
"Yes?"
"No one has ever done anything this sweet or thoughtful for me-
ever. At least no one I've ever dated, anyway." Then lifting her head up to
look at him, she whispered, "Thank you."
He gently stroked her auburn hair with his hands as they first joined
eyes and then lips.
"You deserve all of this and so much more, sweetheart," he assured
her in his husky voice, in between soft, damp kisses that awakened their
senses and ignited their passions.
* * *
"Looks like they're not back yet," Maddy remarked, when she saw
that her mother's red Dodge sedan was noticeably absent. She and Kenny
had just pulled into the driveway from the alley; the little house sat in
darkness, save for the subtle glow of the porch light. "They must be
winning big!" She added with a laugh.
"Wow, it's pretty late," he agreed. "Louis must be cleaning up with
video poker; maybe they can't tear him away from the machine!" Maddy
cracked up at the thought.
"So, do you want to come in and keep me company 'til they get
back?" she asked. She tried not to think about what she might actually
look like at the moment; after several wonderful hours spent enjoying
each other's company on an increasingly windy beach, her contact lenses
now felt like irritating pieces of sand in her eyes, while her disheveled hair
hung in knots past her shoulders. Unknown to Maddy, however, these
facts only made her that much more endearing to him.
He placed the clutch in park, and then turned to look at her, still clad
in his black sweatshirt; because it was so big for her petite frame, it hung
almost past her skirt, setting off her shapely dancer's legs. Ken glanced at
them in appreciation before taking her tiny hand in his and lifting it to his
lips, in what was now his typical fashion.
"Sure, sweetheart," he whispered.
A few moments later they were snuggled on the couch watching a
movie, although he could never quite get comfortable. Gambling
predilections aside, he had no idea when Maddy's family would come
bounding through the sliding glass doors, full of funny tales of visiting
New Yorkers with obnoxious accents and jackpots that got away.
Although she'd assured him that the sound of the tires on the concrete
would tip them off, he remained on the vigilant side as he held his arm
around her waist and rested his head on the pillow above hers. In spite of
himself, he couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to truly make love
to her; his heart raced at the thought.
"Maddy?" he asked softly, as he traced her arm from shoulder to
wrist.
"Mmm-hmm?" She was exquisitely lost in the moment.
"Don't you ever get curious?"
She turned her body so that she was now looking at him directly.
"Curious about what?"
"You know," he gave her a telling glance, followed by a raised
eyebrow. Then he felt sudden regret for even having asked the question.
But relief washed over him when he saw a smile slowly form on her
face. "Well…" she began, her voice trailing off. As desirable as he made
her feel and as tempted as she was, there remained an underlying fear, an
almost irrational insecurity when it came to this very intimate act between
a man and a woman.
For Maddy, it went far beyond the "your body is a temple of the Holy
Spirit" teachings of the Catholic Church, repeated so often throughout
her schooling she could almost hear them in her sleep. She'd long ago
accepted the validity of these words; indeed, she took them to heart and
wanted nothing more than to give herself to her husband-whoever he
might turn out to be-for the very first time on their wedding night. It
was simply that, as she grew older, she realized how few people, good
people, had practically applied the same beliefs. Even Jake in all of his selfrighteousness
had admitted to sleeping with his college girlfriend, though
he claimed that his ensuing guilt over it had been partially to blame for
their break-up.
Beyond all of that, Maddy struggled with some deep-rooted insecurity
about not being quite good enough, not having a body acceptable enough
(she was after all, very small-breasted as Jake had so cruelly reminded her
that evening), and not adequately aware enough of how exactly to please a
man. And hadn't she read stories in the hottest women's fashion magazines about men
leaving their wives over sexual dissatisfaction? Hadn't she seen the endless articles
about how to be better in bed?
And now as she stared into Kenny's expressive blue eyes, sublimely at
home in his arms, she struggled for an answer. He really did seem to love
her for her, yet it had only been a few weeks. How could she really trust in
that? True, she believed him when he told her about Liz Anne, but surely
there had been others, right? He was just too cute, too warm and
appealing not to have had other women. She certainly didn't hold it
against him; she was fairly certain her own brother Greg, whose
personality much mirrored Ken's, had also tasted forbidden fruit on more
than one occasion, prior to his engagement to Vanessa. But would Kenny
really be willing to wait for her over the long haul?
She wanted so much to confide in him her conflicted emotions, to
explain what was held so very deeply within her being. But as with that
night in his waterbed, there was a frustrating disconnection between her
innermost thoughts and their eloquent expression. All she could manage
was some lame answer about how sex belonged within the confines of a
marriage. Undeterred, he just smiled at her as he traced the curve of her
face.
"I know, sweetheart and I respect that so much," he assured her in
his deep, sexy voice. "I just wondered that's all. I know I'd like to know
what it's like be with you. Guess I'll just have to marry you to find out."
Then, as if sensing her apprehension, he asked with some concern,
"Does it bother you that I've been with a woman before?"
"Kenny, no," she sighed. "No…I don't judge you for that at all. I
mean, it's completely normal. It's just that…well…I just wish that we
were on the same level playing field in that regard, that's all. I know it's
probably too much to hope for with any guy, but it kind of makes me feel
bad, like I am not being fair to you."
"Shh," he replied softly, "Madeline Rose, I am here with you because
I wanna be. There's no one else like you out there. And if I have to wait
for you until I can marry you, then that is exactly what I'm gonna do."
God, he really did melt her heart.