Still angry and hurt, I kept my nasty tone. “You said you’d be right back,” I said. “That was half an hour ago, Reed.”
He just continued to stare at me. I was letting the tears drop down my cheeks again. I wanted him to see them, have to atone for them. Finally he turned his face sideways. “Fuck!” he screamed, smacking his palm on the locker again so loudly that I flinched. “Nolan, I couldn’t come back,” he stopped, breathing hard. “I needed to stop whatever was happening. If I would have come back, I would have kissed you, Nolan. And I can’t kiss you.”
“Why?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. The tears still pouring out, my lips shivering even more now.
He looked down and then moved closer, pushing his forehead to mine. He slid his hands to my face, tenderly drying my wet cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. I could smell the mint on his breath and feel the heat radiating off of his body. When he licked his lips I fought against my urge to move my mouth to his. We were inches apart and his hands were holding my head in place. His eyes were closed and his breathing was hard, but steady.
“I can’t kiss you, Nolan,” he whispered. I reached up and grabbed fistfuls of the sides of his shirt, clinging to it. “You’re with him, Nolan. It’s not right, and I can’t kiss you when you’re with him. Why are you with him, Nolan? Why the hell are you with him?”
He just shook his head, still pressed against my forehead. I felt despair and longing unlike I had ever felt before. “I couldn’t have you. I didn’t know what to do,” I pleaded.
With a swift movement, Reed backed away from me, turning to face the other wall and smacking it hard with another loud groan. “You need to make a choice, Nolan,” he said quietly, not turning to face me. And then I watched him leave, the doors swinging shut behind him.
20. Doing the Dance
I spent the rest of the lock-in holed up in the locker room. I didn’t see Reed when I left, and that was probably for the best. My head felt so confused, but my heart wasn’t. I never really stopped loving Reed Johnson. I was angry at him. There was a whole lot of anger. But there was always love there, too. That’s why it hurt so damn bad.
I was dreading the homecoming dance. I was grateful that Sarah was taking care of my hair and make up. My dress was a short flirty black one with sparkles and no sleeves. It fit perfectly, and up until today I was desperately looking forward to wearing it.
Tyler was meeting us at Sarah’s house, so I did a few final turns in the mirror before he got there. Sarah had tucked my hair up in a twist, and she spiral curled the small wispy hairs that didn’t fit. My makeup made me look like a college coed. Sarah had a gift for this. My brown eyes against the dark, smoky charcoal colors made me look sexy, mature. She had forced me to try a deep red lipstick, which actually looked amazing. She gave me the tube to tuck into my small purse in case I needed to touch it up later.
My stomach was fluttering, both nervous about Tyler seeing me and about me seeing Reed later. I was also nervous about how I was going to sort things out. I knew what my heart felt, but being honest about it and putting myself on the line again was another thing.
The doorbell rang and Sarah’s mom let Tyler in. Sarah’s date, a senior named Jax, showed up soon after. Sienna was going to meet us there. She was going with a boy she had dated a few times from band, Micah.
Not wanting to put it off much longer, I finally stepped down Sarah’s stairs into the living room. Tyler stood up and let his gaze start at my legs and make its way up to my eyes. He looked awestruck, which stole my breath a little. It was flattering to have someone look at me with that kind of wanting.
“Wow, you look…” he just stopped, raising his eyebrows. I blushed a little.
“Really?” I giggled. “Thanks.”
He took my hand and kissed it and then pulled out a small corsage that he slipped on my wrist. It was a beautiful black ribbon with white roses. “Thank you, that’s so pretty,” I smiled.
We walked out to his car where he held the door open for me. I watched him walk around the car to the other side and admired how nice he looked in his suit. He had slim gray pants on with a straight, fitted gray jacket. His white shirt was open a little at the top, hinting at his perfect chest underneath. He was handsome, I admired.
When we were almost to the school, he leaned over and kissed my cheek, smiling. “You are gorgeous,” he said.
I just blushed again and looked down at my fidgeting hands on my lap. “Thanks, I feel a little weird. This isn’t my normal look,” I admitted, shyly.