I was done. I knew it the first time I saw him, but tonight solidified every stray emotion rattling in my body. I loved Reed Johnson, and I was pretty sure I always would. He pulled me back in to his chest and we danced in silence for the rest of the song. My eyes locked on the contour of his jaw line and chest, his chin tucked over my head. In my mind he was holding me as if he never wanted to let go.
Reed guided me back to our table and my head was swirling, my mind trying to wrap itself around the words my ears just heard. My eyes were panicked and looking for Sean, and I worried about what I could ever say. And then one look pulled me right out of my fantasy. Tatum was sitting at our table, her long legs folded over one another and her eyes trained on mine like daggers. She was pissed. And I knew I was her target. She stood and came over to Reed, hooking her arm under his and running her nose along his jaw to reclaim what was hers. But while Reed gave her his attention, he still shared it with me for the rest of the evening.
And Tatum was furious.
11. Untruths
“Hey, I was thinking to kick off track season I would have a little sleepover, you know before the big meet? I thought maybe you, me and a few of the other girls could get together. It’d be fun. Let me know, ok?”
I must have played Tatum’s voicemail over a hundred times trying to decipher the tone, get to the root of her plan, understand what she was up to. During the weeks after the winter formal, Tatum had been very short with me. She had also been very possessive of Reed’s time, making it near impossible for us to ever be alone together. I had grown nervous for a while that she was sabotaging my relationship with Sean after I’d seen her talking with him in his truck one morning, but despite my anxiety that he would dump me or cause a scene accusing me of cheating on him with his best friend, which I had not done, it never happened.
Regardless, I knew I couldn’t trust her. But I also knew that I couldn’t alienate myself.
I called Tatum back finally and left her a message confirming my Friday night attendance. It was the night before our first big weekend meet. The meet was at home, so we wouldn’t have to leave campus early for travel.
I drove the trusty Olds to her house with my dad in the passenger seat. He was giving me some extra hours behind the wheel before I took my driving test. I was 16, but I wasn’t quite comfortable behind the wheel.
He slid over in the seat as I got out and grabbed my bag and sleeping bag from the trunk. I knocked on Tatum’s door and she answered, revealing five other girls behind her. I didn’t know any of them very well – they were all juniors and seniors – but they were all nice to me during volleyball season and last year’s track season.
“Hey, Nolan. You can put your stuff in here,” said Becky, the perky blonde who ran the hurdles and high-jumped.
“Thanks!” I said, grabbing my bags and tossing them in a spare bedroom.
I took my spot on the floor where all the girls were sitting, watching the giant T.V. Tatum’s house was very large. It wasn’t posh, like Reed’s, but it was nice. Nicer than mine. But it didn’t really feel like a home. It was more like a show gallery, everything in its place and nothing with a sense of home. At least at our house we owned the stains on our carpet and knew what had led to every knick in the door, scuff on the floor and dent in the walls. My home was real. Lived in.
“Pizza, swimming and then movies!” Tatum squealed. She could delight over just about anything, I swear. It was utterly obnoxious.
“Noles, what kind of pizza do you want? My mom’s ordering. We all wanted veggie,” she stood with a pen and pad of paper dangling at the side of her hip. Truth be told I hated veggie pizza. It was a complete waste of comfort food in my opinion, but I knew I had to be careful tonight. And pizza was not worth making waves.
“Sounds good to me,” I smiled.
She turned, almost disappointed I didn’t take her first bait. I was sure there would be more.
We all ate our slices around the kitchen counter. Tatum’s mom had also made flan for dessert, which we all just attacked with forks until there was nothing left. I was stuffed and not really up for a swim with the other girls, but I put my suit on anyhow and kicked my feet in the water as I sat on the other side of the pool, careful eyes always guarding Tatum.
“You and Sean make a super cute couple,” I heard a voice squeak from the water below me. Becky pulled herself up from the pool and sat next to me. The water from her suit made a puddle around us and it chilled me a bit, but I was glad to have someone to talk to.
“Oh, thanks. Yeah, he’s a super good guy,” I said with a heavy amount of guilt plaguing my gut. I hadn’t been a very good girlfriend, I thought. In fact, I was pretty sure I had been nothing but cold towards Sean since the winter dance. I knew sometime soon I had to come clean with my feelings and end it with him, but I also dreaded leaving the safety of our relationship.