I held up my bottle. “Drinking. What are you doing?”
His icy blue eyes narrowed. “That’s not what I’m getting at and you know that. What are you doing?”
Damn. Hello attitude. I tried to give Cam the bitch look Steph had mastered, screwing my face up until I’m sure I looked like I was having a seizure. I sighed and gave up. “I’m not doing anything, Cam.”
“You’re not?” He raised his brows. “You’re drunk.”
“Am not!”
He gave me a bland look. “A drunk’s famous last words before they fall flat on their face.”
“That has not happened… yet.”
Cam shook his head and then he grabbed my arm, pulling me back into the living room. I thought he was going to make me sit beside him or something, like I was in a time out, but he opened the front door and led me out into the chilly stairwell.
“Um…” Not what I was expecting.
“You need to go home, Avery.” He let go of my arm and pointed at my apartment door like I had no idea where I lived.
My mouth dropped open as I clenched the bottle to my chest. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m fucking serious. You’re drunk and that shit is not going down in front of me.”
“What shit?” I took a step back, bewildered. “I’m sorry. Ollie invited me—”
“Yeah, and I’m going to kick his ass later.” Jaw set in a hard line, he ran his hand through his hair. “Just go home, Avery. I’ll talk to you later.”
The back of my throat burned. A thousand thoughts raced through my head as I stared at him. “You’re mad at me—”
“I’m not mad at you, Avery.”
Sure as hell didn’t seem that way. I shuffled side to side. “I don’t want to go home. There’s no one there and I…” I trailed off as the burn in my throat grew.
Cam drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I’ll come over later and we’ll talk, okay? But go home. Please just go home.”
Chapter 24
I opened my mouth, but there was nothing I could say. Cam actually kicked me out of his apartment. He was begging that I go home. The burn encompassed my lungs now and red-hot tears pricked the back of my eyes.
“Okay,” I mumbled.
“Avery…”
“It’s totally okay.” Turning away, I stumbled back up the hall and to my door. I heard his open and close before I could even open mine. Pressing my forehead against my door, I squeezed my eyes shut, but a tear snuck out, running down my flushed cheek.
Cam had kicked me out, and my apartment was empty. I was empty. Everything was empty. It would be just me and my stupid beer bottle.
Okay. Maybe I was slightly drunk.
I moved away from my door, not sure where I was going, but I couldn’t go inside my apartment. By an act of God, I made it down the five flights of steps and out onto the sidewalk without breaking my neck.
The cold pavement seeped through my thick socks, numbing my feet as I stumbled along, taking another drink. I found a vacant parking spot and plopped my ass down on the curb. Tilting my head back, I stared up at the sky riddled with stars. Hey, there was the Corona Borealis.
Still didn’t look like a fucking crown.
Or maybe it wasn’t the Corona Borealis. How the fuck would I know?
The stars… they were pretty, though, and so far away and really blurry. Tears built in my eyes, coating the back of my throat. My arms fell between my legs, bottle dangling from my fingers.
It was official. I really was Señorita Fucktard. And I’d fucked everything up with Cam—the ‘what was’ and ‘what could’ve been.’ Because there could’ve been something there, and I was just so fucking stupid. Worse of all, I’d slaughtered our friendship and he had been such a good friend. In the short time I knew him, he’d become the best friend I’d ever had. Seriously.
Wiping my cheek on my shoulder, I took another drink. A cool wind whipped around me, tossing my hair across my face as I lowered my head. I wasn’t cold, though, which probably meant I was pretty drunk.
I was such a lightweight.
And why was I sitting on the curb? I honestly didn’t know, but it was better than being inside my apartment, all alone. And yeah, I was alone out here, but it didn’t feel that way. I was pretty sure there was a squirrel over by the tree, so that counted for something, right?
I laughed and the wind seemed to pick up the sound, tossing it up in the bare branches, where they rattled like dry bones.
Lifting the bottle to take another drink, I realized it was empty. “Well, shit on me…”Still, I sat there, staring out across the parking lot, not really seeing anything. I don’t know how long it was, but when I glanced up, I couldn’t see any of the stars behind the thick, dark clouds and my face felt numb. I wondered what Molly was doing right now. Did she feel any different than me because she had done the right thing? Any better or worse?
“Avery!”
I jumped at the sound of my name and dropped my empty beer bottle. It clanked off the asphalt and rolled under someone’s car. Whoops.
Cam stalked across the sidewalk toward me, the wind tossing strands of wavy hair across his forehead. What happened to the cap? I liked the cap. The look on his face twisted up my insides. “What in the fuck are you doing out here?”
“I… I’m looking at the stars.”
“What?” He stopped beside me and knelt down. “Avery, it’s like thirty degrees outside. You’re going to get sick again.”
I shrugged and looked away. “What are you doing out here?”
“I was looking for you, you little dumbass.”
My head swung in his direction and my eyes narrowed. It may only be thirty degrees outside, but the liquor was warm in my tummy and it fueled my temper. “Excuse me? You’re out here, so you’re a dumbass, too, you dumbass.”
His lips twitched as if he was trying not to smile. “I told you I was coming over to talk to you. I checked your apartment first. I knocked and you didn’t answer. The door was unlocked and I went inside.”
“You went inside my apartment? That’s kind of rude.”
He looked unbothered by that. “Yeah, I saw you sitting up here from your window.”
It was taking my head a little longer than normal to process everything. “Is the fight over?”
Sitting down beside me, we were shoulder to shoulder. “No. The main fight just began.”
“You’re missing it.”
Cam didn’t respond immediately. He thrust his hand through his hair, causing the ends to stand up between his fingers. “God, Avery…”
I squirmed, and the liquor sloshed in my stomach.
A muscle in his jaw worked as he focused on the cars I was staring at earlier. “Seeing you tonight? I was fucking surprised.”
“Because of Steph?” I blurted out, and blamed the alcohol for that.
“What?” He shot me a look. “No. Jase invited her.”
“Looks like she was there for you.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe she was, but I don’t give a fuck.” Then he turned to me, head tilted to the side, hands now on his knee. “Avery, I haven’t messed around with Steph since I met you. I have messed around with anyone since I met you.”
My heart thumped in my chest. “Okay.”
“Okay?” He gave a little shake of his head. “See, you don’t get it. You never fucking got it. You’ve avoided me since Thanksgiving break. Dropped the Goddamn class and I know that was because of me, and every time I tried to talk to you, you fucking ran from me.”
“You didn’t want to talk to me the day I thanked you for helping me out,” I pointed out.
“Gee, I don’t know why? Maybe because you made it painfully clear you didn’t want anything to do with me. And then you just show up tonight? Out of the fucking blue and get drunk? You don’t get it.”
I wet my cold, dry lips. Everything he said was true. “I’m sorry. I am drunk, a little, and I am sorry, because you’re right and… I’m rambling.”
He stared at me a moment and then barked out a short laugh. “Alright, it’s not the time for that conversation obviously. Look, I didn’t mean to be such a dick inside there, making you leave, but—”
“It’s okay. I’m used to people not wanting me at their parties.” I pushed to my feet. The stars seemed to twirl a bit with the movement. “No big deal.”
Cam stood, watching me carefully. “It’s not that I didn’t want you there, Avery.”
“Um… really?” I laughed and it sounded hoarse. “You asked me to leave.”
“I—”
“Correction.” I held up my hand and my fingers blurred a bit. “You told me to leave.”
“I did. It was a dickhead move, but it’s the first time you’re at my place, you come in there, start drinking and then…” He took a deep breath, letting out slowly. “Henry was all over and you’re giggling—”
“I’m not interested in him!”
“It didn’t look that way, Avery. You’re drunk and I didn’t want you doing something you’d regret,” he said. “I don’t know what the hell goes on in your head half the time and I had no idea what you were doing here tonight, but I’ve never seen you drink and I didn’t know what you were going to do. I didn’t want someone taking advantage of you.”
“Been there, done that,” I tossed out recklessly, and then clamped my mouth shut. Oh my God, I was never drinking again. Ever.
He raised his hands and then stopped halfway. He just stared at me, a terrible understanding crossing his face. “What?”
I’d made a big mistake—a big, big mistake. Flight or fight response kicked in, and of course, I did the flight thing. I started around him.
“Oh, hell no.” Cam was right in front of me, hands on my shoulders. “What did you just say?”
Damage control mode took over. “I don’t know what I said. Okay? I’m drunk, Cam. Duh. Who the fuck knows what’s coming out of my mouth. I don’t. I really don’t know what I’m even doing out here.”
“Shit.” His eyes were a dark, midnight blue as he stared into mine. “Avery…” A pained look crossed his face and his fingers tightened on my shoulders. “What are you not telling me? What haven’t you told me?”
My throat constricted. “Nothing! I swear. I promise you. I’m just running my mouth, okay? So stop looking at me like there’s something wrong with me.”
“I’m not staring at you like that, sweetheart.” His brows slammed down as he searched my face.
I wanted to know what he was thinking, because I knew he had to be lying. That one little slip of the tongue had me desperately trying to come up with a way to erase it. I could lie and tell him I just got really drunk once and embarrassed myself. Sounded believable, but I had absolutely no control of my mouth apparently.