“There was never any eye-meeting connection. And there will never be a chance for us, Nora,” he said.
Well, fuck. If that wasn’t a brush-off, I didn’t know what was. I swallowed painfully, wondering how I could have misconstrued everything I thought had happened that day. It had all been one-sided. Feeling like I’d been kicked in the teeth, I left, my eyes blurring with tears that I refused to let fall. Not in front of him.
As soon as I walked back in the kitchen, Tiffani gave me the once over, taking in my disheveled braids and smeared lip stick. She turned up her nose at me. Maybe she wasn’t stupid after all, but her hateful expression did make her very unattractive. Leo came in approximately seventy-two seconds later, and it was satisfying to see that his face was still flushed and his lips swollen.
Tiffani invited us to sample some of the hors d’oeuvres she’d made, so we filled our plates. Mila and Sebastian munched away, and I pretended to, watching as Tiffani teasingly fed Leo mini quiches and cucumber sandwiches. She’d lean over close to him, tell him to open wide, and then she’d put the food on his lips, like he was a fucking baby seal at the zoo, and it was feeding time. When his lips would touch her fingers she’d giggle, and every time she did, his eyes would linger on her quivering chest. I gagged inside but gave them my fakest smile, not that he was paying any attention to me anyway because he never acknowledged me. Tiffani did though, with a smile of triumph playing across her lips.
While feeding time continued, I stood quietly while Mila and Sebastian chatted about who was who at BA. As they ate their food, I stared at my plate unable to stomach food or seeing Leo flirt with Tiffani, the girl who didn’t care if he hurt her. Right. I didn’t buy that line for a minute. She was in love with him, and he was blind if he didn’t see it.
His words had decimated me, and his actions were even worse.
When it was time to go, Sebastian cleared his throat and spoke to Leo who had apparently forgotten we were there. “Alrighty then, I guess we’ll head out and . . . uh . . . leave you guys alone. We’ll be back around midnight.”
Leo nodded and gave the thumbs up sign to Sebastian, since his mouth was full of bacon-wrapped mushrooms.
Grinding my teeth together, I walked out of the room.
“Every time I say I’m going to forget about her, five minutes later,
I find myself thinking about her all over again.”
—Leo Tate
NORA WALKED OUT the door to go to the party, and I watched her the entire way. I felt like shit, and I wanted to chase after her and beg her to forgive me for being a prick in the bathroom. But I had to let her go.
Disgusted, I pushed away from Tiffani, grabbed my beer and drank it down. In my head, I knew I shouldn’t have kissed Nora, but my body had taken over, tired of being denied something I’d wanted since day one. And I’d lied to her. That kiss had been fucking epic. It had been white-hot and more passionate than any kiss I’d ever had. I’d nearly lost control in there, forgetting that I’d promised myself I’d leave her alone.
I took another beer out of the fridge and stared out the window, watching her as she headed for Sebastian’s blue Beamer. My heart raced again, taking in her too-short-for-public dress, long legs, and cowboy boots. I slammed my beer down on the counter. Why did I want her so fucking much? Why couldn’t I push her away like I did everyone else? Why couldn’t I breathe when I saw her?
My heart knew the answer, and I’d realized it at the movies. I . . . I think maybe if I let her in, she might get under my skin so deep that I’d never want her to leave. That terrified me.
All these weird feelings I had for her made me crazy. And, I’d completely forgotten there were other people in the loft. All I’d been able to think about was her, the way her body felt pressed against mine, the way she’d seemed just as frantic for me as I’d been for her. But when she’d said the word love, I’d panicked. I had no right messing with her head or getting her hopes up that we were in love. That was cruel.
Nora needed better than me. She needed someone who knew how to love her the way she deserved.
I took a drink, thinking about my parents. What had happened to them was the real reason I didn’t want to love anyone. Loving people hurt; losing them could destroy you. The day my parents died I realized how fast you can have it all snatched away from you. I’d hardened my heart because I’d rather be alone than invite that kind of pain back into my life. I liked my life this way; I did what I wanted, and no one got hurt.
Then why did I feel this aching void right in the center of my chest? Why did I feel so hollow? So alone?
I rubbed my forehead, wishing I’d told Tiffani to not come over. Whatever we’d had was done. But I’d wanted her here so I could forget about Nora. But it hadn’t worked. Not yet.
“What’s up with you and that Blakely girl?” Tiffani said, coming to stand beside me, running her red lacquered fingernails across my chest. Her heavy, floral perfume swept over me, nothing like Nora’s intoxicating scent of peaches.
“Nothing,” I said, feeling empty inside as I watched the car pull out and drive away. Feeling numb as Tiffani touched me. “Nothing at all,” I said, still staring out the window. Nora was gone.
Tiffani wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down for a kiss. “Prove it.”
“Forget those stupid MasterCard commercials.
Watching two chicks duke it out in high heels . . . now, that’s priceless.”