Uncle Boone stood with the coaches as they talked and drank coffee. Deep concern was written across all their faces. West was loved. And from the way the others spoke of his dad, so was Jude.
The hours passed, and we all waited. Every hour West was back there meant another hour he’d had with his dad. I hoped he said everything he wanted to say. That when his dad took his last breath, West had no regrets.
I watched as Raleigh walked over to talk to Brady. He was polite to her, but I could see he wasn’t thrilled she was here.
Suddenly Aunt Coralee spoke beside me. “We were there with you the day it happened. You probably don’t remember. You weren’t handling it well. Bless your heart, how could you? My heart broke as I watched you pull away from everyone. But you’re with us now, and we love you, Maggie. I want you to know that. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but sitting here, watching this, I want you to know we were there. Jorie was there. We made sure no one got near you or pushed you to do anything you didn’t want to do.”
I did remember them being there. I had been lost in my own grief, but I remembered seeing my aunt’s tear-streaked face as she’d kept guard over me. I hadn’t forgotten that. I hadn’t cared at the time, but looking back I’m glad she’d done it.
I looked over at her and smiled. I wanted to tell her that I knew. That I was thankful they’d been there. But my emotions were too raw today. Knowing what West was going through was enough. I couldn’t also try to speak to her for the first time.
The day rolled away as the night came. The waiting room remained full. Brady had dozed off in his chair and Nash had lain down on several chairs to take a nap.
Raleigh had left, thankfully. I’d breathed a sigh of relief when she’d given up on waiting for West.
It was close to eight in the evening when West walked through the doors. His eyes scanned the waiting room until they found me. I stood up, my stomach in knots. As much as I had prepared myself for this, I wasn’t sure I could be strong.
West held out his hand for me, and I walked over and took it. “He can have more visitors now. I’d like that to be you,” he said close to my ear.
I squeezed his hand. He looked up from me to the others waiting.
“He’s . . . stable. Struggling . . . to breathe. But he’s sleeping,” West said to everyone. “Thank y’all for coming. For being here. Knowing we have people out here who care means a lot. Especially to my mom. So thanks for that.”
West moved his attention back to me. “You ready?”
I nodded.
His fingers threaded with mine, and we walked back through those doors I’d been watching all day.
His dad’s room had large windows so the nurses could watch him from their station. From the hallway I could see his mother’s head resting on the bed beside his dad’s arm. Her hand was locked tightly with his. She was holding on to him, as if she could keep him here that way.
“I think Momma’s asleep. She’s cried a lot today. It’s been draining,” he said as he opened the door and stood back for me to go in. His hand touched my lower back and led me over to the sofa against the wall.
He sat down and put his arm along the back of the sofa. “Come here. Sit with me.”
It was obvious he wanted me close, and I understood. I sat down, and he pulled me closer to him, his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest and watched his father’s uneven breathing. Each gasp seemed like it was a fight for him.
“I won’t have regrets,” West said, then pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you for that. For keeping my head on straight. If you hadn’t helped me, I don’t know if I’d have been able to do it today. But I did. I said everything to him I wanted him to know.”
I tilted my head back so I could see his face. Each beautiful angle had become precious to me. I wanted to reach up and touch him. Reassure him. But that wasn’t what we were.
He gazed down at me. There were no more words. My look was a silent reassurance I wasn’t leaving and he had me.
Movement broke the spell, and we both turned to see that Olivia had raised her head and was looking at Jude, panicked. There was obvious relief on her face as she saw his chest rise and fall.
She touched his arm and let out a sigh. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” she said, sounding apologetic.
“You’re exhausted, Momma. Dad would want you to rest,” West told her.
Olivia turned her head to see us on the sofa. A tired smile touched her lips. “Hello, Maggie. I’m glad they’ve let you come back. If Jude were awake, he’d be all smiles and happy to see you with West.”
I remembered the last time I’d see him. He’d been awake and laughing. Life could be so cruel.
“Can I get you anything?” I asked her. I wondered if she’d eaten at all.
She shook her head. “I’m fine, but thank you.”
I watched her as she tucked his covers in around him and fussed over his pillow. West pulled me close to him again, and we sat there silently. Watching Jude breathe. There was nothing to say. In the face of sorrow and loss, no words could ever be adequate.
They Hadn’t Left
CHAPTER 28
WEST
I had sent Maggie home with the Higgenses at ten. She hadn’t wanted to leave me, but she’d needed to sleep. Momma and I would sleep in here. Boone promised to bring Maggie back first thing in the morning. She’d been my rock today. Letting her go hadn’t been easy for me, but I could see the exhaustion in her eyes.
At 4:53 that morning my dad took his last breath. I hadn’t been sleeping. I couldn’t. Momma had, though, and I’d woken her before the nurses could arrive. She had kissed his face and told him over and over that she loved him, then curled into my arms and sobbed.
While I stood there holding her and watching as the nurses began undoing all the machines, I said my own silent good-bye. To the best man I would ever know. He had fought hard, but in the end I knew he couldn’t hold on any longer. I’d promised him I’d take care of Momma, and I wouldn’t let him down.
When it was time for us to leave, I held my mother in my arms, and we walked out that door for the last time. We made our way down the hall toward the waiting room door. I opened it, expecting it to be empty.
It wasn’t. Brady, Nash, Gunner, Asa, and Ryker were all lying around on different chairs or slumped over, asleep in their seats. They hadn’t left. Even though I’d asked them all to go home, these five hadn’t left. We had been a friends and teammates since we were kids, but more than that . . . we were a family.
“I’m going to go call your grandmother. She’d want to know. You go wake the boys and tell them.”
My mother’s mother had never come around much. We’d gone to visit her over the years, but she was a stuffy old rich woman who looked down her nose at the life my mother had chosen. My grandfather had passed away of a heart attack when I was five. I didn’t remember much about him. They were the only grandparents I had met. My dad’s parents had died in a car accident on Old Morphy Bridge in a storm when he was away at college. He’d been an only child just like my mom.
I felt numb. Almost as if it weren’t real. As if I were going to go home, and he’d be there waiting on us. Wanting Momma to make meat loaf and asking me about my day.
It was impossible to comprehend that he was really gone.
First I went to Brady, who was slumped in a chair with his baseball cap pulled down over his face. He moved the minute I nudged his shoulder. Shoving his hat back on his head, he looked up at me. I didn’t have to say anything. He knew.
Standing up, he pulled me in for a hug. “I’m sorry, man. So damn sorry.”
I nodded, and he moved back and helped me wake the others. Each one told me how sorry he was, and that if I needed anything, to call them. They’d do whatever. I thanked them for staying and told them all I’d call when I knew the funeral arrangements.
Brady was the last to follow the others out. He stopped and looked back at me. “Do you want me to wake Maggie and tell her? I can bring her to you if . . . you need me to.”
I shook my head. I needed to get my momma home in bed, and Maggie needed her rest. She’d been with me more than seventeen hours yesterday without sleep. “When she wakes up, tell her to call me.”
Brady frowned. I’d said for her to call me not text me. He was confused. Thankfully, he didn’t question it, just nodded before turning to go.
I let Maggie’s words play over and over again in my head, telling me I was strong. I would get through this. Then I went to find Momma and take her home.
After Momma was asleep, I crawled into bed and crashed. The numbness hadn’t left me yet. Even with coming home and his not being here, it hadn’t fully sunk in. I embraced that for now.
I slept for more than fourteen hours. It was dark outside when I finally opened my eyes. I heard Momma talking to someone and thanking them for the food. Must have been the knock at the front door that woke me.
Getting up, I grabbed a shirt and pulled it on, then headed down the hallway to see how she was doing. I had hoped I would wake up before her. I hadn’t meant to sleep all day.
Momma was walking to the kitchen with a casserole dish in her hands. She turned to look at me, and the dark circles under her eyes worried me. “Miriam Lee brought us some dinner. Sweet of her,” Momma said, forcing a smile.