The stress was getting to Liam too, and every night when we met back up in our hotel room, he was a bundle of nerves. “They’re gonna cut me, I just know it. I’m not good enough for this, they’re gonna cut me.”
I ended up using Anna’s words on my brother each night. “Just breathe. You’re doing great, you’ll get through this. We both will.” Like me, he was calmed by those words. For a time.
My brain was fried though, and my spirit was right behind it. On the evening before the final day and the final round of cuts, I felt like I was teetering on delirium. “I think I overestimated my abilities, Anna. I think I do that a lot…”
She let out a dismissive sound. “I wouldn’t have married you if you overestimated your abilities. You’re as good as you think you are, Griffin, you just have to believe it.”
That made me smile, and for a second, I felt just as awesome as she said I was. But then I remembered the distance between us, and my self-assurance cracked again. “I know everything isn’t cool between us, but I’m really glad we can talk like this. I think it’s the most we’ve ever talked.” Our relationship before hadn’t been only physical, but that had been a pretty large chunk of it. Being apart right now but still connected like this was actually bringing us closer. In my mind anyway. I hoped she felt the same, and I told her as much. “Even though you’re up there with the girls, I feel even more connected to you. You know?”
Anna laughed, and the sound relaxed me more than her words had. “Yeah, I know. I think the distance is actually helping us right now. And you’re able to focus on you while I focus on me. I think it’s a good thing.”
“Yeah. I’m horny as hell though,” I said, grabbing my junk and giving it a good squeeze.
A throaty sound escaped Anna. It instantly took me back to my happy place—buried deep inside her with her arms and legs wrapped around me. “Me too, babe…me too.”
Needing to get my mind off how much I wanted to kiss her all over, how soft her skin was and how good she tasted, I said, “We only ever seem to talk about my shit. Tell me what you’ve been up to. I want to know every little detail.”
“Really? You do?” She seemed genuinely surprised that I wanted to hear about her life. Was I that self-absorbed that it was shocking for me to care about anybody else? With a ripple of shame, I realized I was…I don’t think I’d ever asked her about her day before.
Sitting back in my chair, I made myself comfortable. “Yes, I want to know everything about you. And then I want to hear everything about the girls. And if I interrupt to start talking about myself, I want you to tell me to shut the hell up so you can finish.”
Anna was silent for a moment, then she said, “All right. Well, when I first got here, I lived with Kiera and Kellan, but, they live soooooooo far from town, I couldn’t take it.” Her assessment made me laugh; I often felt the same way about Kellan’s house. With a giggle, she continued. “So I left their place and got an apartment for me and the girls near work…Oh, I got my old job back at Hooters. Actually, I got a better job. I’m the assistant manager.”
Pride swelled in me. “That’s amazing, babe. Tell me more.”
And she did. For the rest of the night, she told me all about her life without me, but instead of it making me sad or mad, like I thought it might, I was thrilled. I felt like I knew my wife better, like I was getting a sneak peek into her hopes and dreams. Dreams she’d put on hold to be a mother and a rock star’s wife. Hearing her talk just reminded me how much I loved her, and I ended the phone call with a sentiment I never would have used before.
“Have a good day tomorrow, Anna. And remember…I love you.”
When she spoke, her voice trembled. “I love you too.”
There was a pit of dread in my stomach when I woke up the next morning. Pushing it aside, I texted my wife. Thank you for last night. It was amazing. It was weird to be texting something like that when we hadn’t done anything even remotely sexual, but it was true. We’d screwed each other in every conceivable way, but I’d never felt closer to her than listening to her talk last night. Her voice was still playing through my mind. And I knew that made me sound like a fucking whipped pansy, but I didn’t care. I was in love with my best friend, and once this show was over with, win or lose, I was going up north to be with her. Nothing else mattered.
Anna texted me back while I was getting dressed. Yes, it was! I saw your audition on TV last night. What you said, it was very touching.
It made me smile that she’d seen my message to her. Of course, I’d been too emotional to finish it on air, but I had a feeling that just made it even more powerful. I’m glad you saw it. It was hard to say.
I know, she texted back. Good luck today. I love you.
A weird feeling went through me, but I immediately shoved it back and texted, I love you too. It was still odd for me to say, but I knew Anna needed to hear it, and really, however I could make her happy right now was worth it.
Putting my phone in my pocket, I left my room and made my way downstairs to where the rest of the remaining contestants were gathering.
Everywhere I turned, I was given high fives, brief hugs, and well wishes. Even though we were all in a competition, we supported each other. We’d become a strange sort of family, bound together by one common goal—survive to the next round. Today was going to be brutal though, and as I hugged people back and offered my own words of encouragement, I knew almost everyone around me would be going home today. Hopefully, I wasn’t one of them.