Something in me splinters, the ice that’s been buried deep in my chest for years now. The numbness, the blame. Her fire is enough to melt it away. She’s radiant, an angel of hope and strength, even after everything she’s been through.
And I realize, there’s no wiping the slate clean. That’s not the point here, it never was.
I’ve been holding onto the idea of a fresh start for so long: a way to forget all the bad memories and build my life from scratch. I held onto Tegan, thinking she would erase the past; something pure, someone true. A shining new chance for happiness untainted by every dark shadow I’ve ever seen.
But the truth is, there’s no ignoring our demons. We’re all broken, jaded, worn out by love gone wrong. We all carry the scars of a hundred battles, the mistakes we’ve made, the regrets we live with, every day.
They’re part of our stories, the things that make us who we are.
I can’t forget my past, but maybe I can forgive myself for it. I can’t erase every bitter memory, but I can build over them instead. Layer by layer, day by day, until there’s something stronger in their place. Better. A future I can be proud of, from the wreckage of yesterday.
No hiding. No shame.
Just the truth.
I look down at Tegan, stunned by the realization. She doesn’t understand how she’s freed me. I owe her more than she’ll ever know.
But before I can say a word, her lips tilt up to find mine, hesitant and sweet.
And I know, this is the moment when my life truly began.
20.
TEGAN
My lips graze Ryland’s for a moment, uncertain. My heart stops, terrified that after everything, I’ve lost him for good.
I’ve told him too much. There’s no loving me after everything I’ve done.
Then his mouth moves against mine, and everything in the world falls into place again.Yes.
I tumble into the kiss like free fall, like I just stepped off a cliff at the end of the world with nothing but pure faith to keep me from hitting the ground. His arms close hard around me, his fingers tangle in my hair. And his lips… His lips find mine with a new hunger, a searching, hopeful kiss that blots the world from my memory and sends sunlight blazing into every dark corner of my heart.
I let out a moan, pressing closer, suddenly desperate to feel every inch of him. Ryland’s strong arms crush me against his body as he lifts me easily into his lap, and now I can wrap myself around him, straddling his thighs as I run my hands over the ridges and valleys of his back, learning his body by heart. I kiss him without shame, hard and hot and wanton, falling deeper into the blaze of pleasure with every touch.
I thought I knew passion. I didn’t know a thing. Our kisses before were chaste compared to this inferno. Ryland grips me, fisting my T-shirt in one hand as the other grinds me down into his lap. I arch up, fever rising in my bloodstream, a desire that could obliterate the world. Fire surges in my veins, fueling the inferno as I lick into his mouth, tasting him, teasing him as our bodies move together, falling back horizontal on the old broken-down porch.
Ryland rolls us, trapping me under his body. Yes. I revel in the delicious weight of him, sliding my hands up under his shirt to roam over his hot, smooth skin. He braces himself above me, holding me in place as he slows the pace of our kisses. I writhe against him, still hungry, but he takes his time, gently stroking his tongue deep inside my mouth, demanding everything I have to give with a languid power that makes my bones melt beneath my flushed and fevered skin.
I feel like he’s kissing me all the way to my soul.
I gasp for air, lost in the dizzy bliss of him. Of us. There’s nothing dividing us anymore, no lies or hidden secrets, no guilt or shame. I’ve shown him everything, and seen his own pain reflected in his eyes.
I know him, like I’ve never known anyone before.
Greedy, I arch up, feeling the hard length of his body pressing me down onto the porch. Already, I want him with an intensity that should shock me, but instead just feels like the most natural thing in the world.
I need air to breathe. I need water to quench my thirst. And I need Ryland inside me, before I can feel complete.
I tear myself from his lips and lick down the scratchy column of his stubbled throat. Ryland groans, and then he’s pinning my hands above my head with one hand, and the other is sliding down my body, tortuously slow. His fingertips graze my damp skin, teasing at the edges of my T-shirt and leaving sparks of fire where they touch. He slips a hand up under the fabric and I gasp for air, my head spinning as his touch turns me liquid, making me pant and writhe.
His hand strokes over my breast and I come undone.
I moan, arching up against him, and Ryland pushes me firmly back down. He’s poised above me, his eyes glittering dark and hungry, a look of such intense possession that it takes my breath away.
He strokes me again, his gaze never leaving my face. My cheeks burn, but I can’t look away as his thumb caresses over my tight, aching nipple and I whimper for more.
Ryland’s lips crease in a devastating grin. His mouth finds mine for a brief, searing kiss, and then he peels my shirt higher, and dips his head. Licking, teasing, working a slow, molten path across my stomach and up my ribcage, inch by exquisite inch.
My head falls back. I watch the night sky in wonder as Ryland melts me from the inside out. The stars dazzle me, or maybe that’s just the craving he’s unleashed inside of me. A hot ache, a desperate need clawing low between my thighs.
His mouth closes over my breast, and I cry out from the pleasure that crashes through me, gasping for release. His tongue rasps across me, moving to my other side, and then his hands are on me too, toying my stiff nipples between his fingers, closing his lips around me and sucking. Hard.