He didn't reply straight away. "I hadn't, but then I met you."
Such a short sentence, but it resonated through me.
"But it's daunting, you know?" he continued. "The group has been my life for so long. I don't know what I'd do without it."
I nodded. I understood that particular fear all too well.
"Anyway," he said, signalling for the cheque, "we should get back to the hotel. It will take a while for my contacts to get back to me, so the sooner we start, the sooner we might get some results."
A few minutes later we were back in the room. While he was sending off the info to his contacts, I fired through an email to my boss using my new phone, explaining that I'd come down violently ill and needed a few days off. He replied almost instantly saying it was no trouble. I got the sense he was extremely pleased to have me back at all, so a few more days made little difference. I didn't know what I'd do if our exile stretched into weeks, or longer, but I figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.
Once we'd both taken care of business, it was just a matter of waiting. I'd thought being penned up in the Alpha house was frustrating, but something about the cheap, cut and paste hotel decor made that room feel incredibly oppressive. We lay on the bed drinking wine from the mini-bar and watching daytime TV. I'd bought a few magazines on the way back, and I tried leafing through them, but I couldn't make myself focus. I was restless and frustrated at how powerless we were.
At some point, Sebastian fell asleep. Apparently he really had been wiped out. I tried to join him, but my body wouldn't cooperate. Instead, I found myself turning the situation over and over in my mind. I wished I'd paid better attention to Sebastian's colleagues. There were only a few who I'd even really talked with and, of that group, nothing stood out - besides Ewan's blatant dislike. Trey seemed friendly and relatively harmless and besides, he wasn't a council member. Then there was Thomas who, while being a little intense at times, appeared to care about Sebastian. Some of the other men had certainly seemed a little cold towards us, but I put that down more to Ewan's influence than anything else. Whoever the mole was, they were doing an amazing job of blending in.
At about six thirty, Sebastian woke up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep."
"It's fine, you looked like you needed it."
He nodded and flashed me a half smile. "I'll make it up to you by getting dinner. There's a Chinese place just downstairs that does takeaway."
I glanced at the TV, feeling a tightness in my chest. The prospect of spending any more time here, stewing in the horror that had become our lives, was almost too much to bear. I already felt like I was losing my mind and, if I stayed here, all I'd be able to think about was how helpless we were. "What we should do is hit the town," I said.
I'd mostly been joking, but the moment the words left my lips, the idea took root in my head. The gradually blooming smile on Sebastian's face said he felt the same way. "Maybe we should."
I laughed. "Is that crazy?" It seemed ridiculous to consider going out on a date, given everything that was happening, but hell, if people were going to be constantly trying to kill me, I felt like maybe I should take advantage of the lulls in between. Besides, I could desperately use the distraction.
"A little, maybe, but I can't see it being a problem as long as we keep it low key. If anybody had managed to follow us, they'd have made their move by now. A hotel is hardly going to provide much of an obstacle for one of my brothers. So we can assume they have no idea where we are. As far as they know, we could be anywhere in the city. Maybe anywhere in the country."
It made sense. "Low key hey?" I said. "Like pizza and a movie?"
"That sounds perfect."
A few minutes later, we were walking out through the hotel's front door. The streets were emptier at night, but there was still a steady stream of office workers who were clocking off late or heading home after a few end of day drinks.
It took us a while to find a pizza place, but when we did, we struck gold. A few blocks away from the main thoroughfare, we stumbled upon a tiny shop front with a giant neon pizza slice flickering above it. There was no other signage, not even a name, but it seemed to have what was important. It wasn't until we made our way inside that we realised what a gem we'd discovered.
The scene before us looked like it had been ripped straight out of a nineties sitcom. Dimly lit booths with red and white plastic table cloths, walls plastered with yellowed band posters and old advertisements for beer and motor oil. There was even an ancient pinball machine in the corner, it's warbling, high-pitched cries for attention fighting vainly against the throbbing rock music being piped through the speakers.
The place was relatively full, but the smiling, old, Italian-looking waiter didn't seem fazed, guiding us through the tables to an open booth, tucked to one side. Sebastian and I grinned at one another as we sat down. I could already feel some of my tension ebbing away, and I could tell he felt the same way.
We ordered a few pizzas to share, as well as a couple of the foaming mugs of unnamed beer that seemed to be the drink of choice.
"We might have another Mi Casa on our hands," Sebastian said to me once the waiter disappeared.
"We just might," I agreed. "It's almost enough to make you forget..." I trailed off, realising I was only going to kill the mood, but it was too late. His expression wilted.
"I didn't really ask before, but are you coping okay?" he said. "Yesterday... well, it was pretty rough."
Memories of the previous night appeared, unbidden, in my mind. The weight of the gun, the violent kick of it in my hands, the way the man's eyes grew wide as his legs collapsed under him. Not now! I pushed it all to the side. "That's one way to put it," I said, keeping my voice level. "But yeah, I think I'm doing okay."
He didn't look like he believed me, but he nodded. "I know the apologies are probably getting old, but I can't tell you how sorry I am that I put you in that position. I should have listened to you when you questioned my colleagues."
"You should have," I said, managing a small smile, "but, like I said, I stopped blaming you for all of this weeks ago. You can't shoulder the burden of everything that happens to the people you know, Sebastian. Proximity doesn't equal fault. I've forgiven you, but our relationship will never work unless you forgive yourself too."
Some of the tension drained out of his face. "You're right. The thought of you being in danger just tears me up, that's all. If I lost you..." he shook his head.