“Selling the inn will ensure Faith and Kitty don’t have to work anymore. That we can afford care for Kitty. I can help them far more that way than staying behind, slowly turning into my father.”
He pushes open his door before I have a chance to respond. I feel anchored to my seat by what he said, but when he pulls open my door, I force myself to climb out of the car. Shane takes my hand without asking for permission and leads me up a path. It’s dark, and I have no idea what remote location he’s brought me to, but I can smell moss and saltwater. I open my mouth a little, and I can even taste it on the drifting wind. Trees line either side of the path and I sense we’re getting closer to the water the more the wind picks up, rustling the leaves. It’s dark, but the moon is enough to see where we’re walking. Shane’s hand tightens around mine when we come upon uneven earth. I trust him, I realize. In this moment, after the way he opened himself up to me…I trust him.
I can feel the tension in his grip, left over from our conversation. Part of me wants to bring it up again, talk it to death. Talk until he stops feeling pain over something he couldn’t prevent, until no more words exist on the subject. It’s so unlike me. I’m the type to ignore a pebble in my boot until it gives me a blister. I’ve made ignoring problems an art form. Maybe it’s his own reluctance to talk about it that’s giving me the urge to create balance. Balance him.
“Where are w—” The words die in my throat when we reach the end of the path and I see Dublin Bay spread out below us. Boats bob on its calm surface, land surrounding it, lit up houses nestled into the hillside along the shore. Somehow the sky doesn’t seem as dark from here, more of a purplish-gray, reflecting the water below. We’re on top of a hill, which didn’t seem so large when climbing it in the car, but from where I’m standing, it feels like we’ve scaled Everest. In the distance, I can see Howth Harbor, where I’d spent the day. This afternoon suddenly feels like a thousand years ago. So much has happened since I dangled my legs over the side of the dock.
It’s so beautiful up here, I can’t stand it. I couldn’t capture this perfect feeling of isolation with my camera if I tried.
Mist. When I read about it in books, I always thought it was a myth. Something to set a tone or create a mood. But it’s real, and it’s curling around our ankles like a cat begging to be petted. It’s not eerie, it’s comforting. It’s like a balm, enclosing us and taking away the ugliness we both carry around on our shoulders.
“Killiney Hill,” Shane says softly, answering my unspoken question. His voice sends goose bumps coasting down my neck. I rock back on my heels and come up against his chest, closing my eyes when he folds his arms around my middle. After the difficult emotions dredged up on the car ride, it feels like a relief to be held. To focus on something else. The way it feels to touch each other.
This is how I can soothe him. Soothe myself in the process. I can’t deny this overwhelming sense that we need one another tonight, right now on this hill. The beauty around me, the hurt evident in Shane’s body, is crowding out every reservation and leaving only now. Now, right now, I can’t stop myself from turning in his arms and sliding my hands up his chest. His eyes are closed, but when I slip a hand up his neck and into his hair, his lips part on a breath. I want to taste that sound on my tongue, so I do. Slowly, I kiss away the tension in his body, replacing it with awareness. Of me. Of what’s about to happen.
Shane seems to lose some invisible battle, pulling me up against him and slanting his mouth over mine with a groan.
“Tonight, Willa.”
I nod. “Tonight.”
Chapter Seventeen
My messenger bag hits the earth with a thud. Shane and I can’t get close enough to each other. We’re standing upright, but his rough hands are on my thighs, kneading my bottom, yanking me closer. Every part of me is buzzing and snapping. His mouth, hot and demanding, is the only thing getting me from one minute to the next. It’s oxygen…gravity…it’s everything. I can hear myself moaning and I don’t give a care. Oh God, how have I made it this long? There’s an incessant ache, and it’s clawing at me, growing more intense with every stroke of his tongue. I want, I want, I want is all I can think as I return the kiss in equal measure.
My hands go to the edges of his jacket, and I push it off his shoulders, not caring where it lands. When I start unfastening his belt, Shane releases my mouth to watch me. His eyes are glazed, he’s biting his lip hard and growling in his throat, as if the sight of my hands working his belt is a massive turn-on. That look of appreciation gives my hands a mind of their own and I abandon my task to stroke his erection through his jeans.
Shane covers my hand and helps me squeeze where he needs it. Once, twice, before drawing my hand away. “Enough. Enough teasing. You’ve had me like this too f**king long, girl.” Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he takes over the task of unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans. Then he takes my hand and slides it down the front of his boxer briefs, urging me with a choked command to wrap my hand around his hard flesh. “If you’re going to torture me, do it right.”
My body is shuddering, every inch of me is burning up with the best kind of fever. It’s a warm night, but it could be a blizzard, and I wouldn’t feel a hint of cold. Shane’s words heat me even more. And the way he’s watching my stroking hand with worship in his eyes…it’s making me feel restless. Desperate. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more in my life. It’s a startling thought but there’s no room for doubt or alarm now. I’m beyond that.
“Shane, please.”
“Please, what?” He bites my ear and tugs. “You want a little torture, too, love?”
I don’t realize Shane has unfastened my jeans until he’s pushing them down my hips. I nudge off my boots and kick my pants the rest of the way off with my feet, before I fuse my mouth to his again. The kiss is breathless, his warm hands are cupping my behind, urging me higher against him. My cotton underwear is the only thing between us now, and it’s far too much. His hips give a quick, upward surge between my thighs and it short-circuits my brain.
“I’m going to put you on the ground, now, Willa.” He clutches a fistful of my hair and whispers hotly against my ear. “Then I’m going to get between your thighs and f**k you. I told you this was inevitable, didn’t I?”
“Yes.”
“You know what else is inevitable?” He drags me down onto the soft grass and covers my body with his harder one. A strangled sound leaves me when I feel his thickness between my legs. “Tonight won’t be the last time. If I have you once, I’m going to want you over and over. This doesn’t end here. Not by a f**king long shot.”
Christ, how can he expect me to focus on what he’s asking when he’s rocking into me, making me crazy? I feel empty, incomplete, without him inside me. It makes no sense since he’s never been there. It’s unexplainable.
Don’t care. Need him now.
I reach down and slip my boy shorts down my legs, hooking a toe in the material to pull them the rest of the way. Then I wrap my legs around Shane’s hips and drag his mouth to mine for the hottest, most pleading kiss I can muster. Whatever I have to do to tempt him to push himself inside me. It’s the most vital necessity in my universe.