I nodded, but I could feel my stomach drop to my toes…and it had nothing to do with the baby.
He walked over to me, cupping my face in his hands. I felt tears threaten at the soft, sad look in his eyes. I shook my head no, because I knew something was coming that I wasn’t going to like.
“Baby, I love you…I do. And I know you love me. But…what you and Jacks have is something special. You love each other so much more than you and I love each other. No,” he cut me off when I tried to speak. “I’m not saying you don’t love me, and I’m definitely not saying I don’t love you. But the love we feel for each other isn’t even close to what you and Jackson share. If you’re really true to yourself, and to me, Allie, you’ll agree with me. You know it’s true. And now you’re having a kid together…and…I think it’s best if I bow out.”
“No,” I choked out, the tears falling faster now, dripping down my cheeks. “Why? Why would you do this now?”
He kissed my lips sweetly, the briefest of touches, and then sighed, pressing his forehead against mine and staring into my eyes. “This is for the best, Allie. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, and trust me…it hurts me. God, does it hurt. And don’t think that Jacks didn’t try to talk me out of this, too, because he did. That’s why we were arguing when you came in.”
I could do nothing but shake my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and wanted to plug my ears. I didn’t want to hear this…this couldn’t be happening. “I’m so sorry I pushed you away when Jackson was hurt…I apologized for that, Brandon! Please, don’t do this!”
“Shhh…Allie…calm down, baby. I’ve already made up my mind,” he said gently. “Trust me, I think this is best for us all. But I’ll still be here for you and for the little one here.” He pulled one hand away from my cheek and laid it against my belly. “And for Jacks. Always.”
He took a deep breath, kissed my forehead, and pulled away. “There’s a big tattoo convention out in L.A. that Luke and I have been toying with the idea of attending. I told him today that I wanted to go. I’ll be gone for two weeks or so because Chloe is going with me and we’re going to get her stuff packed up and brought back. I already hired a moving company for you two; they’re coming this weekend to move Allie’s stuff into the new house. I left you a present in one of the rooms, too.”
He turned to Jackson. “Take care of our girl.”
Jackson nodded, but his eyes were sparkling with emotion. “Take care of my sister…and you always have a home with us, Brandon. No matter what.”
Brandon inclined his head, but we all knew that it would never happen. Not now that Brandon was walking away.
“This isn’t goodbye. Not by a long shot. Let’s just say we’re closing a chapter of our lives and moving on to the next. Okay?” he asked. “Take care, baby.” He reached his hand out to run it down my arm, and the minute his hand fell away from mine, I felt him distancing himself- physically and emotionally. Without another word, he turned and left.
The door closed softly behind him and the finality of that movement pierced my heart. I watched Jackson’s face, his emotions playing across his face; regret, sympathy, sadness…and love. I wiped my tears and climbed carefully into the bed beside him, sinking into his embrace with a small sob.
He held me quietly, soothing me with his presence. After a minute, I reached out for my purse and pulled out the strip of photos the ultrasound tech had printed for me. I handed them over to him and watched his smile grow until he was beaming with pride.
“This is our baby?” he asked reverently.
I nodded, smiling back at him. “Yep. That’s our little peanut. And he or she will be here in about six and a half months.”
“Six months?” he asked, his eyes widening.
I nodded again and he laughed in joy. “That’s great! God, Allie, I love you!”
“I love you, too, Jackson. I really do…”
My words got cut off by his lips, kissing me deeply and thoroughly until I was breathless. We broke apart only when we heard an ‘oops!’, my face flushing in embarrassment. The nurse that had popped in flushed, too, and laughed nervously until Jackson told her it was fine.
She made quick work of her rounds, excusing herself with a wry smile, and we were alone again. The silence grew and I could feel the melancholy settle over me again. Determined not to let anything bring Jackson down, I pushed it deep and forced myself to smile, saying lightly, “Well, I guess I’m moving in with you!”
Jackson smiled at me, but it was an uncertain smile. I did my best to let him know that I was good with moving in there. After all, it was what we had discussed to begin with, along with Chloe taking my house. The only difference was that Brandon would have been moving into Jackson’s house with us and now…I guess he’d be going back home with Luke and Emma.
Jackson and I made small talk for the rest of the evening and then I curled up with him in his bed and we fell asleep, only to be woken up early in the morning by Chloe peeking into the room. I sat up, stretching and waving her in.
She tiptoed in like she wasn’t certain of her welcome, but she’d done nothing wrong. No one had really done anything wrong, unless you count breaking up with someone out of the blue for no real reason as something wrong. Which I might…just a little.
“Good morning,” I yawned.
“Morning,” she whispered.
“Chloe, you don’t have to whisper- I’m awake,” Jackson said, smiling and winking at his sister.
She sat down beside the bed and didn’t wait for any opening. She just blurted out, “I’m so sorry, Allie. I didn’t know that Brandon was going to break things off with you and then just tell you he was taking me to L.A. to get my stuff. I didn’t mean anything by it when I asked him if he wanted to go with me, and it’s not like he’s actually taking me, but he said that he was going to go to the tattoo convention out there and I need to get my stuff, and there’s really no way in hell that I want to go by myself because I’m so worried that-”
“Jesus, Chloe! Breathe!” I interjected, trying to get her to slow down.
I could see the panic in her eyes and I reached out and grabbed her hand, jerking it a little until she met my eyes. Slowly, so she for sure got what I was saying, I told her, “It is not your fault. Brandon made his choice and we’re going to respect that. It hurts; Goddamnit it hurts a lot because he did this without even really talking to me about it, but it is what it is and I’m not going dwell on it. Right now I have your brother to worry about so we can get him out of this fucking hospital and back home where he belongs. And I have your little niece or nephew to worry about. Okay?”
She nodded, I think a little taken aback by my little tirade, but then she smiled. “Did you have an ultrasound? Did you get to see the baby?”
I laughed and got up off the bed to grab the pictures from my purse. I handed them to her and laughed even harder when she squealed with excitement, bouncing up and down as she looked at them.
“Mom’s going to be so excited to see these!” she said. “Have you thought about names? When will you find out what you’re having? Do you even want to know?”