With a pained expression, he looked into my eyes. I could see the regret on his face as he began to speak. “You were the first girl I’ve ever seriously dated. I started having strange feelings for you that I’d never had for anyone before in my life. That’s when I met Liberty and started seeing her as well. I gave up the club scene as soon as I began dating you and then the whole mess last year and well . . . you know.”
Nodding my head, I wrapped my arms around my body in an attempt to warm up. Cold shivers ran across my body as I tried to determine if I needed to hear all of this. It was Tristan’s past . . . wasn’t it?
Clearing his throat, Tristan kept talking. “Things with Liberty were a joke, it was a show and I tried to make it work, but my heart belonged to someone else. So I did what I’ve always done, I ran away from my feelings. I realized that I was escaping my reality with sex. Mindless, hard fucking sex. So that’s what I did. I used sex as a means to forget.”
Tears filled my eyes and I didn’t want Tristan to see. Turning, I faced the bed. “How many women have you been with?”
“Ryn . . .”
“Please, Tristan.”
“A lot.”
“More than ten?” I asked as I squeezed my arms tightly around me.
“Yes,” Tristan whispered.
“Fifty?”
“No! Not that many, no.”
Spinning around I asked, “How many?”
Looking away he answered. “Twenty, maybe twenty-five at the most. Sometimes I was with the same girl more than once. It was a lot worse after college and when I got this place.”
Okay. So at least he hasn’t fucked all of Austin.
“Ryn, I need you to know that I would never push you into anything you didn’t want to do. I would never hurt you; I swear to God, I would never hurt you. I love you and I’ve . . . I’ve never—”
I had no idea what Tristan was going to say to me and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. Capturing his eyes with mine, I asked, “You’ve never what?”
“I’ve never had anyone I’ve cared about share this part of my life and I think that’s been a part of my fear with you. I love you so much and this is such a part of who I am and if you didn’t . . . if you didn’t . . . if you wanted to leave I’d understand . . . but—” Swallowing hard, I attempted to control the emotions swirling around in my head. I was standing in the middle of Tristan’s playroom and he was professing his fear to me. His fear of losing me.
Tristan’s voice faded away as I walked up to him. “Stop. I see it in your eyes, the fear. Please stop. I’m not leaving you, Tristan. I won’t lie and say this didn’t take me somewhat off guard, but I’m also very interested. There are a number of things in this room that caught my attention.” Smiling, I wiggled my eyebrows up and down. The smile that spread across Tristan’s face caused my heart to stop beating for a moment.
“Yeah?”
Nodding, I slipped my hand around his neck and pulled him down to my lips. “Yeah. I really want to see what we can do in that sex swing.”
Laughing, Tristan pulled his head back. His face growing serious he placed his hand on the side of my face. “Everything is new. I didn’t want you to ever be in here and have any fears or doubts. I had it all changed out over three weeks ago.”
Lifting my brow, I asked, “Everything?”
“Yes, Everything except for the bedframe itself.” My heart dropped in my stomach at the idea of trying out all of Tristan’s toys. The sex swing really peaked my interest. Knowing Tristan cared enough about me to not only be willing to walk away from this, but taking my feelings into consideration, had me wanting him more than ever.
“Tristan?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“I want you to fuck me. Hard and fast.”
Tristan licked his lips before slamming them to mine. My hands wrapped around his neck as I moaned into his mouth. I could feel his hard dick pressing against my stomach. This lifestyle was a part of Tristan. I wasn’t sure where this road was going to lead me, but I knew if I was with the man I loved, I was on the right road.
Tristan picked me up and carried me over to the bed. “Tristan? One more thing before we get started.”
“What’s that, baby?”
“We’re going to need a safe word.”
Giving me a smile that would have dropped me to my knees had I been standing, Tristan began unbuttoning his shirt as he kicked his boots off. Dropping his shirt from his beautiful body, I let my eyes graze all over him. “What word did you have in mind?”