My father and Azurdee started laughing. Giving Lark the finger and telling him to go fuck off, I grabbed my bag and headed upstairs. I was exhausted and needed to get some sleep.
Rolling over, I glanced at the clock. It was three thirty in the morning. Lying back, I ran my hands down my face and groaned.
“Fuck, I’m so damn tired.”
Sitting up, I swung my legs over and sat there for a few seconds. I hadn’t been able to fall asleep since I crawled into bed at ten. Knowing Ryn was in the room next to me was driving me insane. It was also bothering me that I noticed she was limping on the same foot that she sprained her ankle. What if she hurt it when I threw her down on the bed? Or when she was trying to fight me off?
“Shit. I’m always doing the wrong thing when it comes to that girl.”
Grabbing a T-shirt, I made my way downstairs. Maybe some warm milk would help me sleep better. Walking into the kitchen, I glanced over to my right and saw my father’s office light on. Making my way over there, I pushed the door open. Dad was sitting behind his desk, writing in a notebook.
“Dad? What in the world are you doing up so late?”
Lifting his head, my father smiled. “Tristan, come in, come in.” He motioned with his hands for me to come sit at his desk.
Heading over toward his desk, I was overcome with memories of the last time I sat in this office. Lark was sitting to the right of me. Sitting, I inhaled a deep breath through my nose.
“Do you remember the last time you sat in that chair?”
Nodding my head, I whispered, “Yes, sir, I do.”
“Do you still love her, Tristan?”
Swallowing hard, I nodded my head. “I’ve messed up so many times with her, Dad. I’m not even sure if I got on my hands and knees and begged her, she’d come back to me.”
Lifting the corner of his mouth, he said, “Never know unless you try.”
Looking down, I began playing with a string that was on my sleeping pants. “Dad, what if there is something about me that I haven’t been . . . truthful about with Ryn? A piece of my life that I’m not sure she would want to be a part of.”
“You see, son, that’s the thing, you’re so worried about something that, according to you, Ryn won’t want to be a part of, but I don’t think that’s what has you pushing her away.”
“Oh really? So you’re a relationship expert now, Dad?”
Chortling, he shook his head. “Nah, but I have been around the block a time or two and what I see in your eyes son is nothing but utter fear. You’re so scared to give your heart to that girl that you’d rather hurt both of you with excuses and reasons why it would be better if you were apart.”
Nodding my head, I whispered, “That’s a big part of it. But, Dad, I don’t really know how to tell you this.” Pushing my hand through my hair, I whispered, “Shit.”
“If she loves you, Tristan, and you love her, you’ll both learn to love everything about each other. The good and the bad, son. The key is finding the right balance. This thing you’re so worried about, you’re not even giving her the chance to figure it out on her own.”
Shaking my head, I felt the emotions coming to the surface. “Dad, I have never in my life felt this way about anyone and that scares the piss out of me. I don’t want to do anything to push her away, yet that’s all I ever do. It’s a damn tug of war game I’m tired of playing.”
Sitting back in his chair and rocking a bit, he looked at me with a serious face. “Let’s just pretend that you and Ryn work things out and you finally tell that darling girl you love her.”
Smiling, I said, “Okay, let’s pretend.”
“You tell her about this thing you’re so worried about. If she asked you to pick between her and it, could you?”
“I want to say I’d pick Ryn, but it’s a part of who I am, Dad.”
“Then if she loves you and she knows this is part of who you are, she’ll accept it. Or she’ll try to anyway. You’ll see that and in the end, if she can’t accept it, I promise you son, love will win out every single time.”
I let my father’s words sink in. Never really thinking about it that way, I had a sense of hope. Leaning forward I smiled. “I don’t think I’m ready for the bottle yet Dad, but I think I’m getting close.”
Smiling from ear to ear, my father laughed. “This . . . this right here,” pointing between us he continued to talk. “This is what makes me so proud to be your father.”