I kicked my bedroom door open so hard, my foot went through it, and I spent a few seconds hopping in the hallway, trying to pull my ankle free.
I finally staggered into the room, pulled off my Beverly Feldman flats, and threw them into the far wall. The leather might get scratched, but I didn't give a fuck.
That's right. "I don't give a fuck!" I screamed. "It's not fair! It's not fair! I did the right thing, I sent Nick away! I could totally have boned him silly, but I took the damned high road and for what? To have that jerk make me feel worse? To be more lonesome?"
I was hurling clothes away like a madwoman, searching for my pajamas at the same time, and generally staggering around my room like a drunk.
I scooped up the Feldmans from their separate corners and went to put them away in their little cubby but ended up collapsing facedown on my closet floor, sobbing. I clutched the shoes to my (naked) chest and curled up (naked). I was probably getting tears on my Manolos, and I just didn't care.
"Betsy?"
I ignored it and cried harder. I was in no mood for the latest hell. Tina, telling me George had crocheted a ladder and was on the lam again? The Ant, telling me it was twins? The plant lady, telling me the plants were as dead as I was?
"Sweetie, why are you naked and crying in your closet?"
I cracked open an eye. Jessica was peering into the closet, a look of concern on her (bruised) face. "Go away," I cried. "Go away, you still hate me, I know it."
"Oh, shut up, I do not." She came into the closet, pushed suits aside, carefully moved shoes, and sat cross-legged beside me. "Come on, what's the matter?"
"Everything!"
"Right, but be specific."
"Sinclair doesn't love me anymore. I bet he doesn't even want to be the king anymore. I bet he's sorry he tricked me into the whole gig. And he's got the hots for my sister. My sister! Who's the daughter of the devil, but that's not even the worst part."
"What's the worst part, honey?"
"Everybody likes Laura, that's what."
"Everybody likes you, too. Even before you died you had this kind of cool charisma going."
"Yeah, but Laura has it in spades. She makes me look like Saddam Hussein. I mean, nobody can resist her."
"I'm sure that's not-"
"The Ant likes Laura!"
"Oh."
"And she and my dad are still wrecking my life-it was the longest baby shower ever. And I'm gonna have to file Chapter Eleven on Scratch. And she's-Laura, I mean-she's nice but she's no you. And then I could have had sex with Nick and he really likes me, but I love Sinclair so I sent him away, and Sinclair didn't even care and-and-oh my God!"
"Uh..." Jessica was obviously trying to puzzle out the babble.
"Oh my God! I love Sinclair! I love him! Him! That-that arrogant sneaky gorgeous cool sneaky-"
"Well, of course you do."
"See, this is the sort of information I could have used earlier," I said and cried harder.
Jessica was patting my back. "Come on, Bets, you knew deep down you loved him. Like anyone could move into your house if you really didn't want them. Like you'd put up with all that from just any guy. Like you'd sleep with just any guy."
"But he's such a jerk."
"Well, sweetie, you're not the easiest person in the world to get along with, either, sometimes." She grinned and touched her black eye. "And this isn't even for losing your Simpsons Season Four DVD."
"Jess-I'm so sorry-I feel so bad-" I gestured to my nudity, the closet, the cedar balls.
"I know, Betsy." She bent down and kissed me, right on the temple. "I just had to sulk and, you know, heal up the last couple of days. I know you were sorry right after."
"I was, I was! I felt like dead dog shit. It's been the absolute worst week."
"Frankly, the only reason I've decided to forgive you is because I'm dying to meet the daughter of the devil."
"Oh, God, she's so boring." I sat up and wiped my dry (I didn't cry like a normal person anymore) eyes. "I mean, really nice. Don't get me wrong, she's a total sweetheart. You'll like her. But-"
"But she's no queen of the vampires."
"I haven't been much of a queen these days."
"That's not true. You read the Book so you could find out more about yourself, about the threat to the world-your sister. And you tracked her down and were ready to rumble, until she turned out to be nice. And you're helping George."
"You have been listening to the baby monitor!"
"Are you kidding? That sucker's been on twenty-four hours a day. I was afraid to sleep; I didn't want to miss anything."
"Everything's such a mess."
"Worse than usual," she agreed.
"What am I going to do?"
"Well, honey, sending Nick away was a good start. It's actually fundamental, when you get right down to it."
"Oh, I know," I said earnestly. She could have suggested I boink the Green Bay Packers and I would have agreed. I was so happy she was talking to me again. "Er... when you say fundamental..."
She rolled her eyes, but then she was used to explaining things to me. "You sent Nick away because you didn't want to hurt him or take advantage of him. That's the kind of person you are-the kind you've always been. A lot has changed, but not that."
"You're right."
"Also, the sky is yellow, the Ant is misunderstood, and David Evins was just a talented amateur."
"Now you're just being mean."
"Well, I gotta milk this for all I can. And Sinclair doesn't love your sister."
"Not yet," I said darkly. "Give him time."
"Look, I'm sure he's interested in her-"
"Wait till you see her. Just wait."
"Like he doesn't have pussy thrown at him from cars?"
"What a horrifying mental image."
"I'm just saying, the guy can get laid whenever he wants. But he wants you."
"No, he-"
"Whatever you did to him after reading the Book," she said, and I don't think she was aware that she was touching her bruised eye while she reasoned stuff out, "can't undo how he feels. I'm telling you-I've been telling you-the guy is totally gonzo nuts for you, has been since the beginning. He's giving you the chilly treatment because his feelings are hurt. If he really didn't care about you, don't you think he'd just have shut up and fucked you?"
"I did think that," I admitted. "But he wasn't happy I had sex with him; he was hurt. I couldn't get why he was acting so weird, and it's too late now. He's been hearing me diss him for so long, he's given up."
"For so long? You've been a vampire for six months, Bets. That's nothing to him, it's a baseball season. Like I said, he's interested in your sister, sure. She's the daughter of the devil! And he's the king of the vampires. So of course he's gonna want to, you know, look into it. But I bet he's just covering his bases-being Sinclair."
"A real match made in heaven. Sinclair the star fucker and the woman fated to take over the world."
"She would be a pretty good consort for him," Jessica admitted.
"Anybody but me, that's for sure."
"Now, come on. The Book hasn't been wrong about anything yet-"
"The Book just said we'd be consorts, it didn't promise a happily ever after. Plenty of kings and queens ran things while hating each other." I'd minored in European history; Diana and Charles's marriage foundering before her death was nothing, historically speaking. "If you'd just heard how mean he's been-no, that's not right, not mean exactly, more like he doesn't give much of a shit."
"I did hear. I was starting to tell you, I'd been coming down to leave a check for Cathie-"
"The upstairs lady?"
"No, the plant lady."
"Jess, you don't have to pay someone just to water the plants. Five people live in this house, for Christ's sake. I'm sure we can handle it without-"
"Anyway, I sort of overheard your little tete a lame with Nick. And then I sort of overheard you and Sinclair. He was pretty frigid," she added, giving me a sympathetic look. "I'm sure it's not a total loss. But you've got some work to do."
I was trying not to be devastated by the blast of common sense she was giving my system. "Look, it's all on me, okay? I get that. I couldn't think of how to make it right with him. And to be honest, I thought I had bigger problems. So I just sort of put it out of my head, and then it was too late." I shook my head. "I've always assumed he'd be around to be, you know, yelled at and taken for granted. And of course I was wrong. Nobody's going to put up with that forever."
"Well, look. Put Sinclair aside for the moment. Actually, don't even do that-he's all wrapped up in this. Betsy, you can fix this."
"I don't think it's as easy as you-"
"I didn't say easy, I said fixable. And even if you couldn't fix it, you're not going to be all naked and weepy and whiney in your closet. I mean, come on. Crying in the closet? Honey, you're the queen of the vampires. Get your big white butt up off the floor and get dressed and start kicking some undead ass. Even before you died, you wouldn't take this shit lying down. So go fix it."
"You're right! Except for that thing about my butt." I was on my feet, my hands balled into fists. Mighty (and naked) would be my wrath! Jessica was right, who did they think they were fucking with? "You're totally right. I've been bending over, and for what? Well, forget about it!"
"Right!"
"I'm gonna right some wrongs, I'll tell you that right now!"
"Right! That's the girl."
I checked my watch, currently the only thing I was wearing (unless eyeliner counted). "And I'll tell you what we're doing first."
"Besides putting on underpants?"
"Right, besides that."