bed. I show her everything. I show her the brochures for
family housing I picked up from campus. I show her the forms
we need to fill out for free campus child care. I show her the
financial aid brochures and the night classes and the online
course review and the academic adviser list and how it will all
coordinate with my flight-class schedule. All the possibilities
are spread out before her, and I want her to see that even
though we didnt want this, even though we didnt plan for
this … we can do this.
I know itll be a lot harder with a baby, Rachel. I know that.
But its not impossible.
She stares down at everything Ive laid out before her. I watch
her in silence until her shoulders begin to shake and she covers
her mouth with her hand. She meets my gaze as huge tears
spill out of her eyes. She crawls forward and throws her arms
around my neck.
She tells me she loves me.
You love me so much, Rachel.
She kisses me over and over.
Weve got this, Miles, she whispers against my ear.
I nod and hug her back. Weve got this, Rachel.
Chapter nineteen
TATE
Its Thursday.
Game night.
Normally, the sound of their Thursday-night game gets under my skin. Tonight its music to my ears, knowing that Miles should be home. I have no idea what to expect from him or this arrangement weve got going on. I havent texted or spoken to him in the five days since hes been gone.
I know that with as much as Im thinking about him, I shouldnt be doing this. For something thats supposed to be a casual thing, its felt anything but casual. For me, its been extremely involved. Intense, even. Hes pretty much all Ive thought about since that night in the rain, and its quite pathetic that Im reaching for the doorknob to walk inside my apartment and my damn hand is shaking, knowing he might be in there.
I open the door to the apartment, and Corbin is the first to look up. He nods but doesnt even say hi. Ian waves from his seat on the couch, then looks back at the TV.
Dillons eyes roam up and down my body, and I do what I can to stop myself from rolling my eyes.
Miles doesnt do anything, because Miles isnt here.
My whole body sighs from disappointment. I drop my purse onto the empty chair in the living room and tell myself its a good thing he isnt here, because Ive got way too much homework to do anyway.
Theres pizza in the fridge, Corbin says.
Nice. I walk into the kitchen and open the cabinet to remove a plate. I hear footsteps closing in on me, and my heart rate kicks up a notch.
A hand touches me on my lower back, and I immediately smile and turn around to face Miles.
Only it isnt Miles. Its Dillon.
Hey, Tate, he says, reaching around me to the cabinet. The hand that first touched my lower back is still on me, but now that Ive turned to face him, his hand has slid to my waist. He keeps his eyes locked with mine as he reaches past me and opens the cabinet. Just need a cup for my beer, he says, excusing the fact that hes right here. Touching me. His face only inches from my face.
I hate that he saw me smiling when I turned around. I just gave him the wrong idea.
Well, you wont find a cup in my pocket, I say, pushing his hand off of me. I look away from Dillon just as Miles steps into the kitchen. His eyes are burning holes into the part of me that Dillon was just touching.
Miles saw Dillons hand on me.
Miles is looking at Dillon now as if he just committed murder.
Since when do you drink beer from a cup? Miles says.
Dillon turns around and looks at Miles, then glances back to me and smiles a very blatant, flirtatious smile. Since Tate was standing so close to the cabinet.
Shit. Hes not even hiding it. He thinks Im into him.
Miles walks to the refrigerator and opens it. So Dillon. Hows your wife?
Miles doesnt make an attempt to remove anything. Hes just standing there, staring into the refrigerator, with his fingers gripping the door handle harder than its ever been gripped, Im sure.
Dillon is still looking at me, staring down at me. Shes at work, he says pointedly. For at least four more hours.
Miles slams the refrigerator and takes two quick steps toward Dillon. Dillon stands up straight, and I immediately scoot two feet away from him. Corbin specifically instructed you to keep your hands off his sister. Show him some fucking respect!
Dillons jaw twitches, and he doesnt back down or look away from Miles. In fact, he takes a step toward him, closing the space between them. Sounds to me like this isnt really about Corbin, Dillon says, seething.
My heart is pounding in my chest. I feel guilty that I gave Dillon the wrong idea and even guiltier that theyre arguing about it now. But dammit, I love that Miles hates him so much. I just wish I knew if it was because he doesnt like that Dillon is flirting when hes got a wife at home or if he doesnt like that Dillon is flirting with me.
And now Corbin is standing in the doorway.
Shit.
What isnt really about me? Corbin asks, watching the two of them in their standoff.
Miles backs up a step and turns so that he can face Dillon and Corbin at the same time. His eyes remain locked hard with Dillons. Hes trying to fuck your sister.
Jesus Christ, Miles. Ever hear of sugarcoating?
Corbin doesnt even flinch. Go home to your wife, Dillon, he says firmly.
As embarrassing as this is, I dont do anything to step in and defend Dillon, because I get the feeling that Miles and Corbin have been looking for an excuse to defriend him for a while now. I would also never defend a man who has no respect for his marriage. Dillon stares at Corbin for several painstakingly long seconds, then turns to face me with his back to both Miles and Corbin.
This boy seriously has a death wish.
I live in ten-twelve, he whispers with a wink. Stop by sometime. She works weeknights. He turns away and walks between Corbin and Miles. The two of you can go fuck yourselves.
Corbin turns, and his fists are clenched. He begins to stalk after Dillon, but Miles grabs his arm and pulls him back into the kitchen. He doesnt release Corbins arm until the front door slams shut.
Corbin turns to face me, and he looks so angry Im surprised steam isnt coming from his ears. His face is red, and hes popping his knuckles. I forgot how insanely protective he is of me. I feel like Im fifteen again, only now I suddenly have two overprotective brothers.
Erase that apartment number from your head, Tate, Corbin says.
I shake my head, somewhat disappointed that he would even think Id want to remember Dillons apartment number. I have standards, Corbin.
He nods, but hes still making an attempt to calm himself down. He inhales a deep breath, pops his jaw, then walks back into the living room.
Miles is leaning against the counter, staring down at his feet. I watch him silently until he finally raises his eyes and looks up at me. He glances toward the living room, then kicks off the counter and walks toward me. Every step closer he takes, the more I press myself into the counter behind me, making an attempt to back away from the intensity in his eyes, even though I cant very well go anywhere.
He reaches me.
He smells good. Like apples. Forbidden fruit.
Ask me if you can study at my place, he whispers.
I nod, wondering why in the hell he would make such a random request after everything that just happened. I do it anyway, though. Can I study at your place?
He breaks out into a huge grin and drops his forehead to the side of my head so that his lips are directly over my ear. I meant for you to ask me in front of your brother, he says, laughing quietly. So I have an excuse to get you over there.
Well, thats embarrassing.
Now he knows exactly how much Im not Tate when Im near him. Im only liquid. Conforming. Doing what he asks, doing what Im told, doing what he wants me to do.
Oh, I say quietly as I watch him ease away from me. That makes a lot more sense.
Hes still smiling, and I didnt realize how much I missed seeing that smile. He should smile all the time. Forever. At me.
He walks out of the kitchen and heads back to the living room, so I go to my room and shower in record time.
I didnt realize I was such a good actress.
I had practice, though. Five minutes of practice. I stood in my room, trying to think of the best, most casual line for when I walked into the living room to ask Miles for his key. I decided to wait until a particularly loud moment during the game, and then I burst out of the room and yelled at all of them.
You guys either need to mute the damn TV or go watch it next door, because Im trying to study!
Miles looked at me and tried to hide his smile. Ian looked at me with suspicion, and Corbin rolled his eyes. You go next door, Corbin said. Were watching the game. He looked at Miles. She can use your place, right?
Miles stood up immediately and said, Sure. Ill let her in.
I grabbed my things, followed him out of my apartment, and now here we are.
Miles opens his apartment door for me, even though it isnt locked. Corbin doesnt know that, though. He walks inside, and I slip in behind him. He shuts the door, and we turn and face each other.
I really do have homework, I say. I dont know what hes expecting to happen right this second, but I feel like I need to let him know that just because he shows up after a few days away, that doesnt mean hes my number one priority.
Even though he pretty much is.
I really do have a game to watch, he says, pointing over his shoulder at my apartment but walking toward me at the same time. He takes my books out of my hands and walks with them to the table, where he sets them down. He starts walking back toward me and doesnt stop until his lips are pressed to mine and we cant walk any farther because my back is against the apartment door.
His hands are gripping my waist, and mine are gripping his shoulders. His tongue slides between my lips and into my mouth, and I take it, very willingly. He groans and presses himself against me as my hands slide up his neck and through his hair. He pulls away just as fast and steps back several feet.
Hes looking at me like its somehow my fault that he has to leave. He runs two frustrated palms down his face and releases a deep breath. You didnt get to eat earlier, he says. Ill bring you some pizza. He walks back toward me, and I step aside without responding. He opens the door and disappears.
Hes so weird.
I walk to the table and begin to lay everything out that I need in order to study. Im pulling out my chair to sit when his apartment door flies open again. I turn around, and hes walking toward the kitchen with a plate in his hands. He puts the pizza in his microwave, presses a few buttons and starts it, and then heads straight toward me. Hes doing that intimidating thing again that makes me naturally back away from him, but his table is behind me, and I cant go anywhere.
He reaches me and quickly presses his lips to mine. I have to go back over there, he says. You good?
I nod.
You need anything?
I shake my head.
Theres juice and bottled water in the fridge.
Thanks.
He kisses me briefly again before he releases me and walks out the door.
I fall into my chair.
Hes so nice.
I could get used to this.
I pull my notebook in front of me and begin studying. About half an hour passes, and then I get a text from him.
Miles: Hows the homework going?
Im reading the text on my phone, smiling like an idiot. He goes nine days without seeing or texting me, and now hes texting me from twenty feet away.
Me: Good. Hows the game going?
Miles: Halftime. Were losing.
Me: Bummer.
Miles: You knew I didnt have cable.
Me: ???
Miles: Earlier, when you yelled at us. You told us to go to my place to watch the game, but you already knew I didnt have cable. I think Ians suspicious now.
Me: Oh, no. I didnt think about that.
Miles: Its cool. Hes just giving me looks, like he knows something is up. Honestly, I dont care if he knows. He knows everything else about me.