Mrs. Lambert interposed. "That is not true, Dr. Serviss. We met many nice people in Boston."
"Yes, mamma--nice people who wanted me to tell their fortunes."
Her tone went to Serviss's heart. She was so young to be so bitter; but he could think of nothing at the moment which would not add to her chagrin, for was not his own interpretation of her quite as hard to bear?
She went on: "No, I don't blame you or any one for avoiding me. But I wish they would let me have one or two friends. But they won't. Lots of people like me at first, but they surely find out after a while, and then they change towards me. Sometimes I think I might as well publish my name as a medium and let everybody know it at once."
"You must not permit that, Miss Lambert," he earnestly said. "That is what I came to say. Don't allow them to use you so."
"How can I help it?" she passionately exclaimed, "when they all demand it--mother, Mr. Clarke. Mr. Pratt, grandfather--everybody. They think I owe it to the world."
"I don't. I think it is your right to say--"
"I have no rights. Listen." She leaned towards him, her face paling, her eyes big and soft and terrified. "I want you to understand me, Dr. Serviss. You must know all about me." Her voice fell to a husky murmur. "You must know that I can't direct my own life. My 'guides' can do what they please with me. Can you understand that?"
"I confess I cannot."
"It is true. My grandfather insists on these public tests. He is determined to 'convict the men of science,' and Mr. Clarke is only too glad to agree with him. Mother is controlled entirely by what grandfather says. My wishes don't count with anybody. But I think I've done my share in this work." She faced her mother in challenge and appeal. "Ever since I was ten years old I've given myself up to it; but now I'm afraid to go on. I don't want to be a medium all my life. They all say it is hard to change after one is grown up, and I'm afraid," she repeated, with a perceptible shudder.
The mother, undisturbed by this plea, turned to Serviss with an exultant smile. "Does she look like one breaking down?"
The girl rose from her chair like a tragedienne. "It isn't my body, it's my mind!" she cried, with poignant inflection, clasping her head with both her hands; and her look transformed her in the eyes of the young scientist. It was the tragic gaze of one who confronts insanity and death at a time when life should be at its sweetest. For an instant she stood there absorbed in her terror, then dropped her hands, and in a voice of entreaty, which melted all his distrust, hurried on. "I want to know what is going on in my brain. I am losing control of my self! I want some man of science like you to study me. Your sister said you would help me, and you must! You think I deceive--you thought so last night--but I don't. I knew nothing of what went on. I didn't know that you were there. I don't know what I do nor what I am. I want you men of science to investigate me. I will submit to any test you like. You may fasten me in a cage, or padlock me down--anything!--but I will not be advertised to the world as a medium, and I must have rest from this strain. Don't you understand? Can't you see how it will be?"