The profound effect Logan had on me was undeniable. It was how he held me, how he looked at me, how he pushed me to my limits. My body and mind were starving for Logan, and I didn’t want to admit it. Damn it, I wanted to submit to him. I wanted to surrender to him and I was fighting it with everything I had.
He pulled me into his arms wrapping me in his protective embrace, his hand stroking my back. I felt his breath in my hair then his fingers at the back of my neck, stroking, comforting.
He kissed the top of my head. “Please don’t ask me to let you go. I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough to do it again.”
I remained quiet, but my head was reeling. The Legos started falling apart.
“Tour ends in a couple weeks.” He stroked the side of my face with the back of his knuckles. “Then I’m back. In the meantime, I want you to be careful. You need anything Deck will help you, okay?”
I pulled away. “Tell me what happened after I left Mexico.”
His eyes hardened and lips pursed together. “Nothing.”
“But Deck—”
His brows dropped over his eyes. “What did he tell you?”
“He just said to ask you.”
He didn’t say anything, and I knew he wasn’t going to.
“The girl ... Kai’s girl. Deck got her out.”
He nodded. “I told him about her. After you escaped, Kai disappeared in all the commotion.”
“The gun shots.”
“Yes. A distraction. Kai’s low-key, and no one knows much about him, but he vanished the moment things became unsettled. The girl was left behind, not sure if it was done on purpose or not. I told Deck about her, and he tracked her down a few months ago. She was up for auction. Kai was there. Deck got her out before he had a chance to buy her.”
Oh God.
“She’s staying with Georgie until she’s ready to go home. As of right now, she refuses to talk about it or go back to her family. They don’t even know she’s alive.”
Alfonzo destroyed that girl. I couldn’t imagine what had happened to her for the last two years. Kai ... I really wasn’t sure about him, but I did know he was dangerous, and if he knew who took her, there was no doubt that Kai would come after them.
“Give me your phone, Mouse.”
“You and me. We aren’t dating.” I had no intentions of dating anyone again, but I’d talk to him. It would be my therapy.
“No, we’re not. We’re way past that. Phone.”
I hesitated. Logan frowned. Then I pulled my phone from my purse, typed in the security password then handed it to him. He looked at the screen then began pressing numbers into my phone then passed it back. He didn’t take his out. “You’re going to remember my number from one glance?”
“Emily. I lost you for two years. I finally got your number. Do you think I’ll ever forget it? I programed my cell into your phone.”
“Sculpt—”
“Answer when I call.”
“Sculpt, I’m different now.”
He moved in close, arm snug around her waist. “Yeah. You’re stronger, sexier, and have an attitude. Makes me want you more.”
Logan wasn’t defeated easily. Actually, I don’t think he was ever defeated and as I stood in his arms I didn’t want him to be. “Okay.”
He backed away, took my hand and squeezed, and then brought me back to the gang who were talking quietly on the patio. Well, Deck was standing alone leaning up against the fence.
As soon as we appeared, he pushed away from the fence and strode over.
“The band’s leaving this afternoon,” Logan said to Deck and jerked his chin toward me.
“Yeah. On it. You tell her?” Deck asked.
“I’m standing right here. You’re on what? And tell me what?”
Logan stared at Deck a second. “Nothing bad touches her. She doesn’t need that shit on her, and I expect you to keep it that way.”
“Sculpt, what are you talking—?”
“Eme, I’ll call you later,” Logan interrupted, obviously on purpose. “Guys, I’m picking up Kite, see you at the airport. Crisis, you miss the flight this time, we’re going on without you.”
“You can’t do that.”
Ream picked up his beer. “Sure we can. You fuck up half the time anyway.”
“That’s horse shit ...” Ream and Crisis argued back and forth.
“I’ll walk with you.” Deck gave one extended glance at Georgie who was sitting with Raven, then followed Logan out of the yard.
I was left standing, staring after them.
Chapter 18
It was morning, and I needed coffee.
Kat was already awake, and the scent of coffee brewing had me inhaling deep. She sat on the bar stool with her sketch pad in front of her.
“Hey, Emily, you working with Havoc today? I can put her in the round pen after I feed.”
I shook my head. “I’m going to play with her out in the field. Free-work with the other horses around. See if I can get her to join up with me while they’re distracting her.”
Silence.
“You want to take the horses out this afternoon?” Kat tapped her pencil on the edge of the counter.
“Yeah, sure.” We often took the more inexperienced horses out for a trail ride in the afternoons when Kat wasn’t busy painting or fixing things. She’d taken a mechanic’s course last year and even tuned up Matt and Deck’s cars.
“Okay.” Silence lasted all of ten seconds. Kat couldn’t keep anything in. “What’s happened between you and Sculpt?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit. You guys are like oil and water in a blender set on full blast.”
Yeah, they were like that. Trying to mesh, but unable to. “We’re broken, Kat. What happened ... it broke us.” My stomach turned over. I’d been a mouse in a world of snakes. “He hurt me. Even though I know now that he ... He doesn’t fit into my life anymore, Kat.”
“Do you still love him?”
Oh God. I really couldn’t answer that, because I knew a part of me always would. A part of me would always be that innocent girl who fell in love with the guy who sat in the horse fields playing his guitar. But I wasn’t innocent anymore, and he wasn’t the same guy.
She looked at me, and I looked away for fear that I’d start balling. “I love you. More than anything, and if you choose to keep kicking Sculpt to the curb, I’ll support you. I just want you to think about it before you do.”
I looked down at my coffee and slowly turned the mug in circles. I kept remembering him standing there and watching me being dragged away, the sound of Logan’s feet in the gravel as he walked away when his father held a gun to my head. I felt so betrayed and ... God, where was my hero? I wanted Logan to be my hero, damn it. Why hadn’t he fought for me? I wanted him to shout and scream and move heaven and earth ... I wanted him to kill his own father.
And yet, that wasn’t fair. I knew it. He did fight for me, but it was in another way. He fought for me more than I ever could’ve imagined. Maybe it was partly guilt that kept me pushing him away, because I had no right to hate him, and I had. I’d said some horrible things to him, and now knowing the truth, the words had to have hurt him. Maybe in his own right, he’d suffered more than I had. He’d grown up in that place, and still, he managed to be strong and determined and fight for what he wanted in life.
Kat put her hand on top of mine. “I saw the way he looked at you at Avalanche.” She leaned back on the stool. “He loves you. I don’t think he’s ever stopped.” The corners of her lips lifted. “We only have one life and ... well you never know when it will end. So, I’m thinking you should just fuck him and see what happens.”
I spit up my coffee, spraying it onto the countertop.
She laughed and shrugged. “Just kidding—kind of. Okay, not really. Emily, I’m here for you and will be behind you one hundred percent. I’m also your bestie and will tell you what I think whether you want to hear it or not. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, just means I care. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t say shit. Okay?”
My phone vibrated on the counter between us.
Kat peered at the screen. “Sculpt. Huh. He got your cell number?”
I titled my head and gave her a so what look. I picked it up, plugged in my password, and read the text.
You sleep okay Mouse? xxx
“What did he say?” Kat asked.
“He asked if I slept okay.”
“Are you going to reply?”
Was I? It was no big deal really. Texting was impersonal. But somehow it felt real personal. Logan made it feel that way. Even via text I felt the protectiveness about him that I craved. Was I pathetic because I desired that? But when I went to type a message back, my hand was trembling.
Fine thanks. You?
As soon as I hit send I knew it was stupid, and I couldn’t take it back. Of course he didn’t sleep well. He had a flight yesterday to Chicago then had a gig and was probably up all night.
Slept on the plane. Call you later. Miss you Eme.
How could I not melt after reading that? I closed my eyes imagining his deep voice whispering those words in my ear, and shivers sprinkled like rain drops across my skin. God, he was hundreds of miles away, and I still felt him.
I texted back.
Okay.
No x’s and o’s. No emotions. Simple. Why did it feel anything but simple?
The day was therapeutic, and I nearly forgot all about Logan. Nearly. He only popped into my head, oh, about a thousand times. Havoc felt my tension on the trail ride, prancing, spooking at everything and anything.
The entire day was exhausting mentally, and when I finally crashed in bed it was with my phone sitting in my hand.
I jolted awake to my hand vibrating. Without opening my eyes, I answered my phone.
“Hello?”
“Mouse.”
“Logan?” I sat upright, suddenly wide awake. Then I realized I just called him Logan, not Sculpt, and wanted to kick my own ass to the curb. “What time is it?” I fell back against the pillows, looked at my phone’s time—one in the morning. I sighed putting the phone back to my ear. “I should hang up on you.”
He chuckled and I knew I wouldn’t, not after hearing that sexy graveled sound. Logan rarely laughed, but when he did it was like a hit of something sweet. And damn, I forgot how hot his voice was on the phone. I could picture him lying in bed, his sexy bedroom hair splayed on my pillow, eyes tired and lazy.
“Wanted to say goodnight, Eme.”
Oh. “I could’ve used that hours ago.”
“Eme?”
“Yeah?”
“Wish I could be there with you.” He paused. “I loved that. Us. Together every night. Feeling you next to me. I hated waking every morning knowing what I had to do. Knowing you’d hate and fear me when all I wanted to do was protect you.”
Oh God.
“I’d watch you sleep for hours. Your nose would twitch whenever I stroked your hair and you’d smile then moan and cuddle closer to me.”